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Unfamiliar Territory


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Hello enotalone and hidden lurkers . (semi-long post warning)


Saturday turned out to be a really interesting day, I had a great outing with my friends on friday and with the new university year approaching, life couldn't be any better at the moment. That was until I talked to an old friend on mines on facebook and got reacquainted as to what she was doing and how her life was going. For a shy guy like myself, I had a really open conversation with her and even led to flirty msgs. Eventually, it led to us planning for an outing sometime this week. At first I was elated, but then the shyness within me hit me like a brick wall hitting a free falling sky-diver. (we had some history back in high school since I floored her away by giving her a surprise gift in front of everyone *first time I got out of my skin* and we got to become friends, but then she got into relationships and I got into post-secondary studies).


A day after we talked, I started to get nervous, and it wasn't the innocent, harmless, new love, excited kind of nervousness. It was the type that I'd describe as wanting to hide from it...almost like a toddler approaching a kindergarten classroom and wants to cling onto their mother as they fear the unfamiliar territory that they're about to face. I guess it stems from the fact that I had been alone all my life and to have something like that was kinda "alarming" (even though it's not really alarming).


So, I guess what I'm trying to ask is have any of you shy people feel like abandoning a potential relationship and just live through the summer-autumn (or life) alone? So far, I get responses from friends such as "you never know where it takes you," and "she could be the one, and maybe she may not be the one." But it wasn't so much achieving the relationship that was the problem, it was the fact that it is a possibility for me that scares me (given that I have 0 experience). What do you ladies and gentlemen think?

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i say go for it. you already established you have a chance, it's just there for you for the taking. you said it your self, it's cold feet or fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar. just take a chance, even if she doesn't end up being "the one" at the very least you'll have some good times and you'll learn from it. you can't keep going through life so sheltered/cocooned into what you know, are used to etc. thats not how life works, you wont grow as a person at all that way. so jump in, throw caution to the wind and enjoy the ride. heart ache as well as pleasure is always possible just take it one step at a time, day by day. think of this way, how will you ever GAIN experience ever if you dont try? also if you dont try, your always gonna have that "what if" thought in your head of regret since you never took a chance. that could possibly carry over to pretty much how you handle things the rest of your life or other situations

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Instead of jumping into some big love affair in your mind, why not treat her like a friend and just see where it goes?


It sounds like you've adopted binary thinking, and everything either needs to be all or nothing. Try thinking on a scale of 1 to 10, and just shoot for a reasonable 5 instead limiting your options to the extremes?

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