Am I ready?

[lissa23]

Wow, it's been a very long time since I last posted here... Back in 2007/2008 I went through a very difficult break up. I was with my "first love" for 3 years and during the time we were breaking up, I lost my grandfather (who was like a father to me). Over the last 4 years, I ended up losing the rest of my 3 grandparents and my uncle. I had dated on and off, usually not having a relationship for more than 6 months. A part of me felt that a lot of the loss I experienced was really getting to me even though I tried to not let it. My ex was horrible to me during the time I was losing my grandfather. When I finally broke up with him, I was just so angry because he didn't understand how hard it was for me. So, I guess because I lost more family throughout the last few years, I assumed most people wouldn't understand. So to not get the same disappointment, I never dated until I felt I was "over it". I'm realizing now that I may never just "get over" losing my grandpa and my grandma... They raised me and it's like losing my parents.

 

I'm in my mid 20's now, and I feel that I'm ready. But I always seem to stop myself from "getting out there". I use to be very outgoing, and now I am an extremely focused career woman who spends half my time at work and half my time at home alone.

 

How do I get out of this cycle? And get over my insecurities?

 

Thanks for listening.

[Deejmonster]

That is hard. Although not going through the same thing, I just moved and have no friends remotely near me. I lost my girlfriend through the move.. we were supposed to move in together and I am also either working or alone at home. I haven't figured out how to really break the cycle yet either but I just wanted to say that you are not alone in wanting to kick start your social life again. Getting over your insecurities though, that will come with making new friends and potential partners.. one will fix the other.

[lissa23]

Thanks for the kind words. I hope you can break out of the cycle too

 

I guess it just gets comfortable? My best friends both have long-term boyfriends. They've been together for years, even before my ex and I had broke up. So I feel like I'm the only single one out of my "married" friends. I'm also very protective of my heart. I'm not a "fling" kind of girl. I'm not overly religious, I don't go to church, but there's a part of me who wants to "save" it for the right person. I'm not a virgin, but I'm afraid of being a guys "story".

[ForumGuy]

Wow. That sounds like me, but not until my late 40's. I have come to the conclusion that I can't force "getting out there" to happen. Not much of a conclusion I know, but I go out for short periods sometimes to eat and stuff like that, and even meet people, but the right person has just not come along in a couple of years now. You are young and should take pride in your accomplishments with your career and education. The readiness will make its way in its own time, try to be patient.

[Penseur]

Thanks for the kind words. I hope you can break out of the cycle too

 

I guess it just gets comfortable? My best friends both have long-term boyfriends. They've been together for years, even before my ex and I had broke up. So I feel like I'm the only single one out of my "married" friends. I'm also very protective of my heart. I'm not a "fling" kind of girl. I'm not overly religious, I don't go to church, but there's a part of me who wants to "save" it for the right person. I'm not a virgin, but I'm afraid of being a guys "story".

 

I think it is quite admirable to save yourself for the right guy. Trust me, he will appreciate it. No one likes being with someone who was promiscuous, from a healthy long term relationship perspective. True that some will overlook it, but at best it is merely neutral, nothing positive comes from it. Just take slow steps. Instead of going home after work, try to go out to dinner with a friend. Make small moves and build off each step.

 

As far as being cautious with your heart, it is very prudent and wise to be careful. At the same time, too much of that can lead to a series of failed relationships. The risk of unrequited love will always be present, but it is a risk we have to take. The possible rewards are boundless. Think back to your ex of 3 years; can you honestly say you would not do it all over again, or that you regret it? That said, don't just open up to any guy. Stick to your principles, and I am almost certain you will find satisfaction relatively soon.