How do you deal with the lonliness and void?

[ChocoBears]

It's Friday night and I dread the weekends. I'm so used to spending my weekends with my ex, being on my own on a weekend brings on a lot of anxiety. I crave human interaction and intimacy. I'm almost tempted to sign up on online dating just to spend time with some people, but I know that's not a good idea because I'm not in any state of mind to start dating seriously, and distracting myself with "dates" doesn't seem healthy right now. I have friends, but they are not available to hang out with me all weekend. There are blocks of time, especially at night, where I am all alone and it makes me feel so bad. I miss my ex so much more then. I know there are groups I can join to meet new friends, but I often don't feel like I have the energy or motivation to go out there and mingle with people. I want the comfort of a relationship, someone that I can just hang out with, and be myself with. Mingling with a bunch of strangers and trying to force a smile when I'm feeling quite depressed isn't appealing to me. I can put on a DVD or clean my apartment, but there's still that emptiness gnawing at me because I don't have anyone around.

 

How do you guys manage the anxiety caused by loneliness?

[Realitynut]

What do you think I'm on here for???? Night after lonely night. I joined a dating site, just to see what's out there (nothing) and email a few of them, just for kicks. anyone I met up with ended up going NO WHERE cuz I'm stil in love with my ex. But i put that in my profile so I don't lead them on...lol

 

I'm older, so all my friends are married. People say, be happy that you are alone, you can do what ever you want. I did what ever I wanted with him. Can I be hugged alone? I can talk to myself, and do, but makes me feel crazy. can I dance alone? I can walk, bike, hike alone, but that just makes me feel even more lonely for him.

 

I don't have an answer for you, because I've been doing this for 5 months and one day now. Climbing out of the deep depression...good luck!

[In the Dark]

You were once without the comfort of a relationship.

So get used to it again.

 

When my ex broke up with me, I also lost who i considered my best friends.

Turns out, who i thought were my best friends were even better frineds with my ex.

Reason being is that it's was just easier to be friends with her after what had happened.

She was not showing any signs of being hurt, she could hang at their house without moping about.

 

I don't know how far out of the relationship you are but if you make being single and dependent one of your goals singledom is not bad.

It will make you a much stronger individual, rather than being dependent on someone else for comfort.

[freeindeed]

Hi Lemon Cookie,

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. When i first broke up with my ex, the weekends were the WORST! Especially because isolated myself from my friends during the relationship. But that's what became my focus after the break up. After I finally came to realize that the relationship would never "be" again, and that I had to discover my new life without him, I made a goal to repair the lost friendships, and that takes a lot of effort. I put all the effort I would with my ex, into my friends, and that was a great distraction. I would send them funny texts, I would tell them that I loved them, I would call them up just to hang out and watch television, or lay out by pool, or go catch a movie. And soon, I found that putting my efforts into them, made me realize that they're better than having a boyfriend...because you can have a lot lol

 

I also understand that you may be physically lonely, or mentally yearning for that "special" kinda connection... and I went through that too, joined eharmony and match... and after all was said and done (after a few dates with a few guys), I felt worse! I either compared the guys to my ex, or I just felt like, "this is all that's out there!?" and became even more depressed. So I definitely don't recommend that.

 

I recommend, finding things about yourself that you can improve, working out, taking guitar lessons... actually any kind of "learning" has been a great distraction for all sorts of painful times. If you're trying to figure out how to make a G chord, it's hard to think about the ex at the same time.

 

Hope you feel better soon, I promise you will eventually, it'll just take time.

[guynextdoor]

The loneliness kicks in only when you don't keep yourself busy. You can't count on anybody to keep you busy but yourself. What about picking up a good book to read? Grab a nice bottle red wine and watch a classic movie you haven't seen before? Music also good too. I've been all too use to being alone for several years and I will admit it was challenging at the beginning but I managed to keep myself busy. I started learning how to cook meals I always wanted to try. Read up on books other stuff I was interested in. I enjoy shows that I would never thought of watching before. Of course there is always ENA which is open 24/7 GL

[agatha]

two dogs =)

[Tryptophan]

I usually go out but today I started to stay in, and it's been a long night of crying. It's horrible.

 

But that's because he decided to text me in the last few days. I didn't reply but he still messed with my head.

[ChocoBears]

Thank you guys for your replies. I'm pretty fresh out of my breakup, less than 3 weeks, so it's still tough for me to concentrate on and develop new hobbies. I feel like I just want to mope. I'm not comfortable being by myself yet. During the week, I stay busy with work and exercise, and even that at times has been hard. I've been having to force myself just to cook a meal and eat it, or drag myself outside for exercise. I have a hard time with filling up every hour with activities. I also have a hard time concentrating on whatever I'm doing. While I'm watching movies or cooking, I'm still thinking about him.

 

I kind of thought that dating online would depress me more than help, in the end. Since I'm still depressed, I'm likely to see the worst in people, and my negativity will just draw out other negative people. Also, if things don't work out, or if I meet some jerks or just people I'm not drawn to, I'll end up feeling more hopeless and depressed.

 

When I'm lonely I get these strong urges to contact him, because it's easy, and I know he'll reciprocate (only to lead me on and then reject me), it's comfortable, it's familiar. But I don't want to call him. I won't give him the satisfaction.

[In the Dark]

Yeah 3 weeks is still very new.

 

You have all the classic symptoms.

Very similar symptoms I went through.

 

Depending on yourself is critical as a human being.

 

Dating online is only going place someone else in the void your ex left.

A rebound.....someone to use.

 

Get used to being by yourself.

Make your own fun.

Create your own emotional outlets.

[hazelnut321]

i cried daily for exactly 30 days. It was torture. I still have a cry every now and then. It's been 10 weeks and it REALLY does get better. I look at this forum on the long nights where I can't sleep. I googled link removed and joined a couple of political groups and a yoga class. If I don't want to go out- I don't. Sometimes it's ok to sit and feel sorry for yourself. "The Soulmate Secret" also helped me get out of my slump a LOT! A great read. Time---time....ugh

[symbiot]

I don't try to distract myself anymore. I'm 7 mos out ( my story is on here in bits and pieces if you want to read it). Instead I try to feel my feelings fully. I do a lot of reading and working out but not to distract but to improve. When I need to scream or cry or whatever I do it. I too crave intimacy and companionship and everything else about a woman. Seems like forever.

[ChocoBears]

I don't try to distract myself anymore. I'm 7 mos out ( my story is on here in bits and pieces if you want to read it). Instead I try to feel my feelings fully. I do a lot of reading and working out but not to distract but to improve. When I need to scream or cry or whatever I do it. I too crave intimacy and companionship and everything else about a woman. Seems like forever.

 

Yes, it makes me sad and anxious sometimes when I go to sleep alone or wake up alone.

[symbiot]

Yea I used to put a bunch of pillows next to me to feel like she was still there and her scent was all over my bed but it may have made things worse who the hell knows. I was told by a therapist that whatever we feel and do is exactly what we need at the time in order to heal