Jump to content

A good post by '90_hour_sleep': Must Read


Recommended Posts

Hello dumpees, (most of us, I guess, are here hoping for reconcilliation)


Two months have passed since my break up. I broke 6 weeks NC, and it is my 10 day NC again (for good, I decided this time). It would be wonderful if my ex came back, but I am beginning to accept that it is over. I want to move on and get back together with myself, my own strength.


I was reading 'Breaking up forum' and found a wonderful post by '90_hour_sleep'. It is written by Paulo Coelho. I appreciate that.




"one always has to know when a stage comes to an end. if we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.


did you lose your job? has a loving relationship come to an end? did you leave your parents’ house? gone to live abroad? has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? you can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.


you can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. but such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.


things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.


that is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.


everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. let things go. release them. detach yourself from them.


nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.


stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.


nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”


before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. this may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.


closing cycles. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.


shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.


stop being who you were, and change into who you are."


-- Paulo Coelho

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This sounds like someone who already climbed to the top of the mountain and they shout at you,, heyyyy,, keep going its easy,,, see i am here i did it. i choose to live the moment with everything comes with it, with tears, with questions, with worries, i don`t want to take the same steps. i want to look at her picture and cry and regret what i have lost. i need to do that for some period of time before i my self can decide to move on. Doing something and moving on seems to be easy, but we need to file the gape in between, realize why we did what we did. apologize to those we caused pain and hurt. that`s how life should be now, and in the upcoming months- years, we only can change that. not books,, not posts from others, But the desire that comes from within we all change, it takes decades for some and months for others. when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it. either bad or Good, Good luck all

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Basically , I was not able to give him what he wanted:


1. A move to his country, I still do not want to move there


2. Free from ties to a previous BF (DONE !!) Well done


3. Dangerous demons flying around,

Id like to think I am still working on these problems thru medication.


4. The problem of I love you but I am not in love with you. (This has not changed)


for the most part I think he is a wonderful person , makes me laugh, makes me all feel tingly inside and safe and calm when I am around him.


Remembers the fine details to a tee. Loves tea, but hates it if you don't give him the attention he deserves. lol;-)


Respects your space and respects his space.


Has been through his *actions* always there for me, and I am forever thankful to him.


If I caused him hurt in any way, I would like to apologize. I regret making him feel sad and scared through my actions.


I remain loyal to him, I'd like to think that Someday he will forgive me.


My Best-



Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...