Mandolyn Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Me and my ex broke up 2.5 months ago 2wks shy of our 1yr anniversary im almost 20 hes 23, we both agreed it just had to happen (he initiated the BU tho), we both had no job, i had nowhere to live and he didnt want us living together we had arguments etc. He said we needed to focus on ourselves right now and maybe in the future we'll see. We both cried hugged kissed all of that and he was really upset about it, for the first 2wks he ignored me even though he said he still wanted to talk (he explained later it was to soon to talk). Well 3 wks after breaking up we started having sex atleast once or twice a week, and i would hang out a little while before and after. I left my phone at his house (3wks after breaking up) and he went through all my messages (NEVER has he dont this while we were together) and he got pretty upset about the fact a lot of guys were texting me, i assured him they were all friends cause he knows i hang out with guys more than girls but he was still upset but it ended with him hugging me and saying he trusted me. We continued the random sex and hangouts up until 4 wks ago when i moved back home 7hrs away to my parents house, the night before i left i stayed with him. I get home and we dont talk the first week but to make this less long im gonna cut to the chase... We are now talking just about every single day, its like we take turns initiating, i text or call one night, then the next day i decide to go nc and he contacts me then i contact him and its just everyday. Now here are some of the things that make me think we'll get back together... -I was back in his state dealing with some things i had to take care of and he told me he wanted to see me before i left and not for sex. -I have asked him a couple times if he missed me and his responses are always along the lines of, of course, thats a stupid question duh, things like that. -He called the other day early in the morning just to talk while he was waiting to go to work. -I asked him if he only talks to me for sex (stupid question since im 7hrs away lol) and he was like thats stupid i do miss talking to thats why were talking now. -I also felt since we talk so much i should ask him if i was in the friend zone or about to be and he said that was stupid and ill never will be unless he tells me so. -He gets uptight about other guys i talk or hang out with, and i told him about my hot manager the other day and he told me not to say that cause he never calls girls hot. -We both agreed we could have sex with other people BUT, everytime he tells me about a party with other girls or wanting to have sex he says oh but dont worry i didnt do anything just so you know or dont worry i wont for a while, and just things along those lines. -I asked if he thought we would get back together and he always says its possible. Theres a lot more things i could go on and on but i dont want this too long so ask for details, But the big thing right now is i told him i wanted to come up there and see my sister and friends and he told me i could stay with him a few nights and that we could actually go out and do stuff now that we both have money (which means not me just being his fbuddy for the wkd) He also said i could come tailgating with him like we did all last football season together. Im planning on going, im also planning on moving back up there in october which he knows about so when would be an okay time to have "the real talk" about getting back together? and how should i subtly bring it up? because i want to know for sure that were not both still hanging on and not allowing ourselves to get over eachother for nothing. And if we are i want it to end after i see him that weekend. Any advice? i can add additional details as necessary along with other things he has said that gave me a lot of hope c= Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 You need to ask him if he wants to get back together. I dont see the point in wasting time you could be healing if he doesnt. Why not just ask him? Link to comment
calichick007 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I don't think anything on that list really suggests he wants to get back together. If that's what you want, I think you're going about it the wrong way. If you're still willing to have sex with him and be there for him emotionally the way you were when you were together, why would he bother getting back together with you? By now he probably realizes that he can reap all of the same benefits with no committment. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Na I don't see anything changing - you've been down-graded from girlfriend to friends with benefits. The only thing is that it only benefits him. Sure he's a bit upset of other guys texting you, but he himself did not want to stay 100% committed to you, and he knows it. You need to stop having sex with him and waiting around for him, he's just using you for now. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Na I don't see anything changing - you've been down-graded from girlfriend to friends with benefits. The only thing is that it only benefits him. Sure he's a bit upset of other guys texting you, but he himself did not want to stay 100% committed to you, and he knows it. You need to stop having sex with him and waiting around for him, he's just using you for now. im afraid hes right. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I think calichick has hit the nail on the head. Your basically doing all the relationship things for him, such as giving yourself to him sexually and being his emotional support and in return what do you get? Uncertainity as you dont know where you stand. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants to see what else is out for him whilst keeping you onside as a back up. Sounds harsh but its true. Stop giving him the emotional support, stop sleeping with him, go NC and then start your healing. If he tries to make amends and wants to be with you in a relationship then great, but start making him work for it instead of being there for him at his beckand call. xAx Link to comment
jeepman41 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." — Maya Angelou Link to comment
pennyloafer2 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 He has no right to look through your phone, and he has no right to be jealous. You're not his girlfriend. Stop having sex with him. Sex is certain people's way of prolonging the breakup to make it easier on him (so he doesn't feel as guilty), but in reality it prolongs the pain for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." — Maya AngelouVery wise words. You are letting this guy play the field knowing he has you anytime he wants. Link to comment
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