sweetmusic Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Thank you for taking the time to listen and caring about my well-being. I have felt so alone going through everything up until now. This site your has helped ease some of this burden ‘ve been carrying. I apologize for sending such a long letter I just was venting. I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about what’s going on. I have been kept away and only had the opportunity to be around people who are his allies( of which I prefer not to associate ). I am not sure how you can help- I mean you already having your site and you are such a bright light in so many women’s worlds. I really feel like moving to another state would be a start. I don’t know a lot of people in so it is kind of hard to make a move so quickly. I want some type of stability after I leave him. Eso after I leave him because its going to be a very high anxiety time to start with. I want to make an easy transition and be able to focus on just moving on and getting my life together. We live in a suburb and I don’t drive so I am very dependent on him when I need something or have to go somewhere. He doesn’t like ot leave durning the day jsutstay in attick room with dim light him and his computer. So it makes it hard for me to do tihnsg indepandntly of him and establish my own life. I want to find a job and attend school but he will “tell me” its ok baby I don’t mind and it’s a potive thing for me. Then behind my back complain to people that am stressing him out because I need rides here and there and am putting to much on him. No matter what I do or happens he alwys twist it in a way that people will have sympathy for him and grow in there dislike of me. This is n’t normal why does he do this. If he can’t crate an incident out of something then he will just lie about a sisuation create something up out of nothing. Like when I asked him to bring em to the city to get my IDS ( I was robbed recently all my IDS stolen ) so I can apply for new Idenitfcation he said he would take me. We had established prior to Case example: I was robbed and all my identification was stolen. I have needed to go and apply for new identification ( ID social security card and birth certificate ) for going on two weeks now. I let him know I needed to do this. On the day I pressed the issues before I brought up the issue he tells me he has a hair appointment at ( 2:00pm) and its almost (1:30pm). It takes a while for him to get dressed ect and it would take half hour to get there. I bring up the issues of hom taking me to the city so I can stay over night down there at a friends house and be ready early the next morning to take care of business.( I have to admit I did want to get away from him and my Rapunzals tower fro a whiel ). I tell him I think he can try to make it to his appointment if he hurrys. He tells me nope he isn’t going to make it. So I say if your not going to try to make it to your appointment can you please take me down to the city. Then he says ok. 5 mintues later he says am going to try to make it to my appointment. Surprised I say I thought you decided you weren’t going to try to make it and have agreed to driev nmt to the city. From this point on it turns into a thing where am the bad guy because if I press the issue of him keeping his word to take me of which he has justy agreed he will call text email people and complain and put on this pity show to his friends saying GET THIS- you REASY! LOL “ She made me missm y appointment. I couldn’t even go because she forced me to /intimidated me to take her to the city. I could havemade it but she kept in sisting I do what she wanted. ( implying or not implying he woke up late oversleot and dind’t even really want to go. The first thing he said was aa quick dismissal of the appointment. I evenencouraged him to try to make it. He said no nonchaltely and was planning on chilling infront o f computer am sure because its his dauly routine ). But he would tell his allies and probably his hair stylist “ Oh my girlfriend makes me so miserable I wanted to come but she needed to go someone. I always put her first…. HOW DO I KNOW THIS I HAVE –BEEN-THROUGH-IT-BEFORE seen the text emails phone conversations result out of saem similar sisuations. So back to example: I tell him well why don’t you try to make it to your appointment and I wil ride with you wait in car and you can take me afterwards… He wouldn’t get the sympathy he wants from that I couldn’t be deemed as a bad person if it happens this way. So that doesn’t work for him. He says no no I will just take you. I tell him I thought you wanted to try to make it. Lets kill two birds with one stone. No he wouldn’t go for it. He says I just won’t try to make it to the appointment. Ok Well I you should first call and see if she can even fit you into at this point it was 10-5 mintues until 2 no waying making his 2pm appointment ( so what are we even having this ocnverstaion..?) So he says no its ok I will just miss it and take you to downtown. Its ok I really needed to go but its ok. ( Wait a minute yoru the oen who oversleot not me. Its not my fault. ) So like I said what will happen after he takes me and sends out his emails texts and makes his phone calls HE WON’T even mention me trying to work with what he wanted to do. The story will eb so twisted and unvaild. And his allies will eat up. NO questions. He will turn me into the * * * * * who only wants what she wants and doesn’t care about his sheducle and he is so meek and I made him do it ecte ect . WHAT THE * * * * …? When he retells people the story of how things happen my “good deeds” are NEVER NEVER NEVR NEVER mentioned. Any good or redeemable things I have done affecting the sisuation are never mention. He tells people what he wants to hear to think. NOT the truth. So you can easily see how thinsg are always a struggle with him and he won’t approvesomething unless he can put his twist on it usually meaning throwing me under the bus. He is extremely manipulative and people think am some monster. You see in that sisuation I tried to work with what he wanted to do. He was suppose to take me days ago. I had been telling him this. Another case example much shorter happens a lot: Because he is drugge dup and afraid of gaining weight he doesn’t eat barely anything. I eat a healthy diet of three small meals and snacks in between. My body is on this schedule. He has gone four days without sleep and food ( this is how bad he gets. So needless to say he doesn’t understand why we need food in the house. There is stuff that is rotten and just a few thinsg he will eat there. I had barely nothing to eat for three DAYS!!! The subre we live in has no buslines and I don’t drive. He has to take me. The first day he said he was going to go ( he even admitted this time the hosue was pretty dry I mean it was bad there was nothing in the house). He decided to sleep and spend all day watching TV ( he loves watching the races) and being on the computer. Every time I asked he would say in a little while. If I kept bothering him every few hours he would snap at me and say I was trying to control him and ect. ( so of course he can call all his friends and say how mean and controlling I am. Mind you he hadn’t eaten all day and was fine. I practically fasting. Even when I would ask him I would wait a few hours and did it in a swet voice ect. So no reason to snap at me. Then it was like 8 ir 9 pm and he was like I am sick am too tired to go. If I pressed because I was freaking hungry he would have told people I made him go out late at night when he wasn’t feeling well. Ho such a horribael person I am. RIGHT ?! * * * Wanna know how I know he has strved me for days before and purposesly waited until it was late stalling em all day then I seen texts he sent saying I made me do it and was a tryant and waited until it was late * * * ( When it has happened in th past he has done this I had asked durning day he ignbored me or was dismissive SEEM WHAT I MEAN ABOUT hwo he distorts the truth and leaves stuff out am laways the bad guy) So I went whole day surving on water and premade coffee. DAY 2: I wait all day again long story short he asks me at 8pm can he go tomorrow he promises. WHAT did you do today that you culdn’t have went. You slpet watched racing stayed on computer he didn’t do anything he could have went. But I can’t keep questiong him. I have to wait . If he was going to get drugs or he had a place to go he would be out of there usualy. But am lower than him what I need isn’t important. I will wait to teach me displine or some lesson on subservient behavior. DAY 3: He wakes up around 12:30 becsue he was spent whoel night on computer again literally he wouldn’t get off until 6am sometimes it freaking riduclious. So I usually spend nights alone in bed sleeping byself. – But so he wakes up smoke takes his meds cocotail and gets on computer f a few hours then watched racing. I finially for the first time bring up us going to store then he says in a few hours…GREAT freaking GREAT. I SWEAR IFTHE STORE WAS CLOS ENOUGH I WOULD WALK BUT ITS TOO FAR YOU NEED a car out here. So I waited pateinely with my stomach autollly grumbling I wanted to cry because this has happened before. I probably did something to deserve this forced starvation. I always deserve it in his head. So a few hours past like 4 and its getting late it aroung 7 somehting and he starts arraging a drug deal with his frined eddie.( THEY EXCHANGE DRUGS BUY FROM EAHC OTHER SET UP OTHER BUYS WITH PROPLR ). So I hear him tell eddie he wil wait until he is ready for the exchange to go down. So what does that mean when is eddie going to be ready to meet him am thinking is he going to go shopping first or what ect ect I can’t ask this stuff he will snap at me. So I wonder if I will have to wait until another hour plus to get food. He leaves in 45 mintues. To make long story short he doesn’t get back until almost 12:00am. I waited and waited and waited feeling stomach pains and mad crying. Did you notice He friend eddie ever came before me or he would have told eddie am sorry I have to go to the store for my gf I can’t wait anhour. Nope eddie says an hour so its an hour more. At one point after hanging up with eddie another friend even called and I did intrupt and crying asked him can he conversation wait and can he get some food ( we are bewtee 8=9 hour). I waited another hwole day almost its been 3 total. He says on a later day when you get hungry you have anger issues you it must be a systeopmt of your hypercoima. He tells me systopton of higercolmica are irratablity and modo swings and when I get hunery am mean. * * * I have never raisedmy voice with him NEVER am scared of him and how he will punish me like am his little kid. I use a norraml voice and keep my tone down or he will turn it into another thing when he talks to people( he does nayway because I wont and it makes for good scapegoating of me behing my back) So he will tell me this . Out of three days I never raise dmy voice and stayed equal distance away from him and only asked peroically- that even because I know he will procrastatnate. See who he wil make a whoel anoterh person up and I don’t even get to defend myself he makes sure of it. He likes to be the main communicator about our private home life painting a picture of it and me whatever his mind can come up with. So anyways I am hyperglacmic and I had to go to the hospital because of my other health issues my sugur being low worsening it. I found out he was cheating on me that night. He claimed te hcar broke down through his and lack of covering his tracks he was out whoring around while I finially eneded my three day fast by having to go to emgernacy room. He knew I had been sick from food poisoning and am genrally in frail heath. I need food and to keep my sugar up and needed lot so jucie liquds ect. You see he won’t tell his frineds the full story. Am sick and need certain thinsg to survive unless of course he can use it twist it into a sotroy where I wringed him someone with it ect. So many times he has done this. Or he will make me wait all day until 11pm then say Oh I feel so sick but if you want me to baby I will do it for. Then turn around send text emails out saying He was tired and on his way to bed and I demanded he get up right now and go get me something from the store. * * * . When in truth I had been asking him all FRAKING day. This is the type of little kid sociaopath am dealing with. He just makes things up and twist sisuations. In his eyes my needs aren’t important to him so when I insist on a need I have its like am ( bothering him there doing something bad ect) Most people if they heard the truth about the sisuations all the facts they wouldn’t see it his way so he HAS No other choice but to twist manipulate the facts and create an entirely differne sisuation to get people to sytpatize with him. Leaving me as a monster and him as some marty unwilling victim that deals with all of it deals with me because he lvoes me. I have heard read his friends sya you gotta leave her this is sounds so terriabl He will sign and say I know but I “ love her”. This leads to people hating me and thinking the worse of me so when he does get caught doing something ( I have been told) You don’t even deserve him…. * * * hwo are you to tell me anything. It is one of the most angerying sisuations when people ttalk to you like they know you about a sisuation they know nothing about. You have to understand not just with food runs but he does this with everything. Nothing is simple. He waits and rapidly changes him mind moods and waits until its right time for him to act and usualy tries to prokve me or make it a sisuation where no mater what I do trying to get my needs meant he has an angle on the sisuation that he can picth to his allies ( even his counlser ) as me being aa monster.. PLEASE USE ALL YORU RESOURCES ANYTHING YOU THINK WOULD HELP TO GET ME OUT OF HERE. I TRUST YOU KNOW WHAT YORU ODING AND HAVE HELPED MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE. What can you do what are your suggestions. My health is failing Link to comment
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