How to converse with a female possibly out of my league

[broghamzvatox]

I say possibly, since I don't know exactly in which gradient of attractiveness I reside--I have absolutely nothing to work with when trying to figure out with what stature of female I would qualify to associate. I won't hesitate to deny the fact that I have never been in a relationship (i am 21 years of age), since my family has been in a state of constant movement and I have been isolated from society due to unfounded apprehensions upheld by my parents. I am not overweight and I have sporadically lifted weights over the past 4 years.

 

The problems I face when trying discern whether this particular woman is interested in me:

 

1) She looks in my direction often, but I cannot tell whether she is looking at me (although I caught her once and she quickly turned away without the slightest smile) or something in the general direction--She looks in my direction at least 5 times a day (then again, I look at her direction at least 5 times a minute). We sit directly beside one another.

 

2) I attempted to converse with her about her cell phone. I asked her whether it was an android, she replied "yes" and mentioned the particular brand; I continued to say I was interested in purchasing an android myself and what the service provider was; she said it was sprint, i then continued to make a fool out of myself by recommending a prepaid plan, which she shot down.

 

Although prior to this confusing skirmish of words, i had received a much more enthusiastic reply when I had inquired into the number of questions we had to expect for the quiz that day. She had replied with an upbeat "oh, I don't know."

 

The fact that I have to make this thread is foolish and embarrassing, I know. And I fear, ultimately, that the fact that I have to obsess and study these smallest details of these the smallest instances in a single one hour period of a single day, to decide whether this the most stunning individual I have encountered yet has the remotest interest in me, proves that she is far out of my league. I suspect that the possibility of associating with me, has never even crossed her mind.

 

I wish there was some definitive action I could take to know conclusively whether she found me attractive or not. Now, I would prefer that this did not occur in conversation since I am not the most charismatic individual.

 

Therefore I have to direct this question to the ladies

 

How would you react if you received a note from an individual you have spoken to only once requesting that you tell him whether you are interested him.

 

Perhaps something along the following lines:

It is not my intention to discomfort you or to place any pressure upon you, but, I suspect that you already know that I am interested in you from how I often I glance at you from the corner of my eyes. I fear that you do not have the same interest in me, so I would like to continue living my life without the surging terror looming in my psyche that you might like me should I only gather the courage to ask you.

 

Therefore, I would like to end this torture now, please fold this card once, if you have no interest in me, and place it at the corner of your table, fold it twice if my fear is unfounded.

 

--Ron

 

Thank you for any assistance you could provide.

[imsuperman]

Don't do notes. Just talk to her about whatever.

[broghamzvatox]

Don't do notes. Just talk to her about whatever.

 

All right, I have a question:

 

If she was interested in me, would I have known immediately after I began speaking to her?

 

Because she did not display the slightest interest when talking to me.

[imsuperman]

Usually, I say go with your gut. If she didn't seem interested, then she probably wasn't.

 

I'd read some body language signs of attraction online if I were you, but keep in mind they're not 100% accurate. Some women are just naturally flirty with everyone and it doesn't mean they're interested. A lot of taken women also have a "glow" around men that aren't their boyfriend/husband, (things will be going well and suddenly they'll drop their boyfriend into the conversation, "My boyfriend did that the other day blah, blah, blah...") so it's not always the best way. However a lot of the signs are legit in women that are interested in you.

 

Be brave and work on your appearance, posture, manner of speaking etc. I know you're nervous around women due to lack of experience, but nervousness won't get you anywhere.

[broghamzvatox]

Believe me, I have read the body language threads. Outside of the glances in my direction I have nothing else to work with.

 

I really don't think I'm ugly. Perhaps she is one of those ladies attracted to jerks?

 

Some buff ass douche joined the class the other day, and I saw her clearly eying him accross to the seat that he took. Maybe she has been glancing at him? But he didn't notice.

[imsuperman]

Maybe the guy's not a jerk. Even if he is, that's not your problem.

[broghamzvatox]

Maybe the guy's not a jerk. Even if he is, that's not your problem.

 

Apparently it is my problem, since if she is attracted to him, she won't be attracted to me--Catching my drift?

 

Besides, I don't really give a rat's sh.it anymore whether or not she is attracted to me, I just want a definitive answer so I can continue with my life without having to think about her.

[imsuperman]

That's not entirely true. Even so, she's not the only woman in the world, so it's still not your problem. Change the way you think.

 

Worry about creating attraction more than just whether or not she's attracted.

[broghamzvatox]

I have. For this single woman I started wearing contact lens and have changed my outfit entirely. I want to forget about this woman, but I don't know how.

[SpottiOtti]

You sound extraordinarily intelligent, and like you have so much to say about the world. But you are so shy that around this girl you get tongue-tied, and thus she has no way of knowing how amazing you are. If it's easier to convey how intelligent and awesome you are in writing, then I'm all for it. If I got your note, it would make me smile. I would like to amend it a bit though, if you don't mind.

 

 

It is not my intention to discomfort you or to place any pressure upon you, but, I suspect that you already know that I am interested in you from how I often I glance at you from the corner of my eyes. [Took the "I fear you don't like me" part out because it makes you sound droopy and insecure] I would like to continue living my life without the surging terror looming in my psyche that you might like me should I only gather the courage to ask you.

 

Therefore, I would like to end this torture now. [Ask her for her number here, instead of the whole note-folding thing.]

 

Hope this helps!

 

Spotti

[Softcentered]

either way... being in limbo sucks.. go ask and get an answer through whatever medium you feel you will be able to portray your thoughts most accurately. if its yes, fine. if not..she is not the only woman in the world... start thinking about what you think, not worrying about what she thinks..

[Rural95]

Fella,

First of all you sound like your playing yourself down rather than playing to your strength's. What are your hobbies? does she enjoy the same?

 

Dont worry about "which sort of woman you qualify for" because honestly there aint no such thing. I myself am currently in a relationship with an absolute dime, yet, i am not george clooney or david beckham by any means.

 

Just be yourself. Be confident, and take it slow.

 

If she likes the real you she will let you know alrite. Dont worry about looks because as they say where im from, beauty is only skin deep.

 

Good luck with this lady my friend.

 

RuRaL 95.

[broghamzvatox]

either way... being in limbo sucks.. go ask and get an answer through whatever medium you feel you will be able to portray your thoughts most accurately. if its yes, fine. if not..she is not the only woman in the world... start thinking about what you think, not worrying about what she thinks..

 

I'll try, but she doesn't make it easy.

 

Fella,

First of all you sound like your playing yourself down rather than playing to your strength's. What are your hobbies? does she enjoy the same?

 

Dont worry about "which sort of woman you qualify for" because honestly there aint no such thing. I myself am currently in a relationship with an absolute dime, yet, i am not george clooney or david beckham by any means.

 

Just be yourself. Be confident, and take it slow.

 

 

If she likes the real you she will let you know alrite. Dont worry about looks because as they say where im from, beauty is only skin deep.

 

Good luck with this lady my friend.

 

RuRaL 95.

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

No idea about the hobbies, although she seems to enjoy collecting name brand articles of clothing. Everything she's wearing seems to be ed hardy or prada or some * * * * along those lines--I'm really not fond of this fact, but if she compensates for this in her intellect or character traits I can overlook her materialism (hopefully the presence of one does not necessitate the lack of the other).

 

The least I could do is say "hi". Every relationship begins with a salutation. And considering I will see her regularly, I should not fear about having another opportunity to speak to her again.

[Alezia]

There are a few interpretations which struck me as slightly negative.

 

Just because she disagrees with you on a particular topic, doesn't mean she is not interested. I prefer men who have their own opinions, and who won't just agree with whatever I say to keep status-quo.

 

It is possible to be attracted to several people at once. Even when in a relationship, so you may be picking up on signals that are there but for which the person cannot act upon. So while she may be also eyeing the other guy, it doesn't prevent yourself from being attractive to her.

 

Let the attraction grow and don't force things pre-emptively with a note. I personally love strong independent men who let chemistry and common interests grow.

I am personally always turned off by men who cold-call me or throw a cheesy pick up line my way in the hallway.

 

Just today while I was rushing to a meeting, I got a guy yelling at me "Hey, I'll sue you for breaking my ears." Since that was a bit of an absurd comment on his part I pretty much gave him a "what?", and then he proceeded to tell me in a bizarre manner that it's not fair to call out all the attention and look that hot with my heels. Can I tell you I ran away for my life?

 

There are some other men at the office which although taken, actually took the time to tell me hi in the hallways a few time. Started talking to me a bit, and slowly over time I started joining them in activities and over lunch. Neither myself or these men are actually single, but since the pressure of attraction/love wasn't on the cards - I find myself more attracted to them and probably could consider going out with them if it was a different scenario. Probably doesn't make much sense huh?

[broghamzvatox]

@Alezia

 

That's entirely understandable.

 

Of course, not every woman is alike. I'll just try to strike a conversation with her tomorrow, if we have any privacy--I think that is where most of the problem resides, we are surrounded by peers the entire time.

 

Would it be odd if I gave a card to her requesting to speak to her in private? ---Most likely.

[Stand Strong]

1) She looks in my direction often, but I cannot tell whether she is looking at me (although I caught her once and she quickly turned away without the slightest smile) or something in the general direction--She looks in my direction at least 5 times a day (then again, I look at her direction at least 5 times a minute). We sit directly beside one another.

 

Never try to analyze women's intentions. It will drive you crazy. If she likes you she will touch you, keep conversation going, ask you questions, try to spend time with you.

 

2) I attempted to converse with her about her cell phone. I asked her whether it was an android, she replied "yes" and mentioned the particular brand; I continued to say I was interested in purchasing an android myself and what the service provider was; she said it was sprint, i then continued to make a fool out of myself by recommending a prepaid plan, which she shot down.

 

The best thing to do is to relax and not focus on a "perfect" conversation. There is no such thing. Just talk as though your just speaking your mind/talking to yourself out loud. Also, just joke around and tease a bit. Logic bores women. It's better to ask deep/open-ended questions. When she told you the service, you should've said that it was uncool and that you aren't going to give her your number unless she makes a switch (playfully)

 

All about fun! NO WOMEN IS EVER OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE! WE ARE ALL BORN EQUAL!

[broghamzvatox]

@stand strong

 

Check out this thread:

 

I spoke to her, and she really was great. But I made the terrible mistake afterward of immediately asking her out...damn fool. I'm not very good at manufacturing conversations, this will prove to be a massive problem of mine.

[Alezia]

Are you generally bad at making conversation, or only when it comes to women?

[broghamzvatox]

I'm not bad at making conversation! And I don't have a problem meeting people. It's just that introductory phase with someone to whom I'm attracted.

[Stand Strong]

I see. Don't sweat it. I don't know how long you've known her, but usually if it's a short time girls always decline. Nothing to really care about so much. She missed out on a good study partner the way I see it. Also, you didn't ask her out. You asked her to study with you

 

Anyways, you don't have to restore your "chances". Just continue to chat her up like you never asked her. If you show her that a no bothered you enough that you change you behavior around her then it makes you seem like you can't handle people saying no to you. Just be as though nothing happened. Or better yet, have the mentality that there are billions of women in the world so why care about missing out on just one. Women are on special when we decide they are. If you have 3 girls you liked, she could be at the bottom of the 3. You never know!

 

Ah and it's better to think that YOU give THEM chances. The other way around will only make you feel low self-esteem

[caveman91]

I'm guessing this thread is dead but he's my advice to the OP based on his post.

 

I agree with what another poster said about playing to your strengths. You obviously notice a lot of details about this woman (e.g. brand names of her clothing). All of the details you notice are opportunities for conversation starters. You notice details that a lot of others guys notice. Now, I'm not suggesting that you overwhelm her with details you have noticed.....that will come as a little much.

 

But I think you've already found a strength that will set you apart from the other guys. Mention to her what most guys won't notice. And try to bring up the subject in a way that will make her laugh.

[broghamzvatox]

I just can't talk to her! I don't know why! I must seriously lack confidence, but I typically don't have any difficultly speaking to people. I notice these details, I could easily speak to her, but I just can't find that umph to open my goddamn trap and utter the words.

 

I wish there was some way to refine this ability.

 

And she has spoken to me since then, and there doesn't seem to be any problem between us.

[CMS]

Yes you do, if you seriously can not talk to her then you need to do serious reframe of your mind, start visualize her not as a hot mature women out of your league (you are psyching yourself out this way) and just start picturing her as some interesting harmless people that you might be interested to meet. When you strike conversation (if you finally work up the courage to do so), say something preplanned and have have every possible answer rehearsed. Speak to her like you speak to your friends while conveying above or equal status, tease her a bit, show your confidence, displaying a confident body language and always have an out clause prepared.

 

Practice makes perfect

[broghamzvatox]

Speak to her like you speak to your friends while conveying above or equal status, tease her a bit, show your confidence, displaying a confident body language and always have an out clause prepared.

 

Some guy sits behind her, a football player I believe. Its obvious that he doesn't lack confidence and occasionally attempts to trigger conversations with her...she doesn't seem even remotely interested in the things that he has to say...Then again he has made it abundantly clear to the people around him that he's a friggin' conceited * * * * * * * (the remarks he makes are often of an implied sexual and vulgar nature).

 

The point I'm trying to make is that confidence alone does not appeal to her, content is also critical. She does not seem fond of people speaking to her just for the sake of speaking to her...then again, I could be mistaken.

 

From the observations I've made so far she seems very oriented on school matter. I found her reading the other day for pleasure, which surprised me, she didn't leave that sort of impression upon me. Then again, people wouldn't expect me to read either. I could ask her what it is she's reading the next time we meet.

[broghamzvatox]

We had an exam today, and we took turns asking each other for help on various parts of the study guide.

 

Before class she jotted down a cheat sheet on her left hand--This totally cracked me up, and I told her how I passed all my math classes by doing the same thing. I asked her if she was really worried she shouldn't hesitate to glance over at my exam.

 

This woman is driving me mad...the more I encounter her, the more I learn about her, the more I discover how similar we are and the more I am left with the impression that she just might actually like me....AND I STILL DON'T KNOW HER * * * * ING NAME, BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A PANSY ASS * * * * .