Strong attraction to a married woman.

[stuka80]

I dont really know where to begin, i guess the beginning is the best place to start.

 

A woman recently started working at a company i work for probably 3-4 months ago. I never really took notice of her although before that when i did pass by her i thought she was very attractive but kind of as an afterthought, i barely noticed her. My first real contact with her was when we happened to have the same lunchtime in the breakroom about a month ago. I normally go out for lunch but this time decided to pack a lunch.

 

I was sitting there with another co-worker when she comes and sits on our table and starts chatting with said co-worker, i guess they were friends. Then she offers me half of her sandwhich at which point i refused politely because i had already eaten, but she really seemed to insist so i went ahead and took the sandwhich and even though i was full, i forced myself to eat that sandwhich because i did not want to seem rude and the 3 of us did some light chatting for the rest of the lunchtime.

 

So anyway later that day i was walking and i happened to pass by her and i nodded my head to her in acknowledgement and she to me, then as she passed me i noticed from the corner of my eye that she looked back at me, so i turned to look at her and she was just staring at me smiling as we both were walking away. That's when i realized she was attracted to me, everything fell into place like in the movies, previous to that i had noticed her glances and looks towards me but never really gave it a second thought. And i also realized that i was interested and attracted to her. So the next couple of weeks i started spending my lunchtime in the breakroom in order to talk to her, she's generally quiet and somewhat shy but she's intelligent and over the week or so i started to really become infatuated with her and her with me.

 

I just wanted to make it clear that we did not flirt with each other at all and all of our chats were very light and more the getting to know each other type of chats but every time we talk to each other theres a very strong tension of attraction between the two of us and i've noticed that whenever we're working or i'm helping her out on something we catch each other staring at each other for what seems like an awkwardly long time. So as the days go by i asked one of my co-workers who was her friend outside of work about her and to my great disappointment i find out that she is married. She's exactly my type, very composed and somewhat quiet but smart.(i hate loud, flamboyant, flashy, aggressive women) and she's the first one i've actually felt a strong attraction to since my ex 2 years ago.(i have not been with any woman intimately since then nor gone on a single date)

 

I already know i dont want to cross that line. we happened to have each other's phone numbers for business purposes and have called and texted each other a few times but it was always just about business and both our texts and calls are short and to the point. But i have a feeling that it's only that way because i have not pushed it. I have a very strong feeling that if i cross the line between business and pleasure that she would not object and would follow suit. But what i want to do now is basically make myself scarce around her and avoid her as much as i possibly can. However i'm finding it very difficult to do so. Everytime she's around she would just stare at me and give me this beautiful smile all the time...i'm pissed at myself for falling for her as quickly as i did...When i'm not at work i find myself thinking about her constantly and while at work i'm always on the lookout in case i catch a glimpse of her...

 

I didnt ask her anything about her husband or her marriage situation because i did not feel it was right for me to ask, especially for my own selfish reasons. She could be miserable for all i know due to her husband being horrible or her husband could be the best husband in the world but i just feel it's completely wrong to pursue her despite my very strong feelings for the very simple reason that she is married. So for the last week or so i've been doing as i said and avoiding her but it's very hard and i dont know how long my head can keep my emotions at bay...

 

I guess i just want reassurances from people wiser than me that i am doing the right thing and that getting involved with her is a very bad train wreck waiting to happen. Any advice on how to get rid of a very strong infatuation?? Any help is much appreciated.

[xyzzzz]

well just imagine your wife gives other guys beautiful smile..maybe it can help you?

[stuka80]

yea i've considered that, thanks for your input

[chitown9]

If you want to experience a whole lot of hurt, just keep it up. You will get there....chi

[stuka80]

yea i can see it ending very badly for me and her, thanks for the brutal honesty

[1m50L0nl3y]

3 words: Don't do it.

Just yesterday I was talking to one friend who chose to have an affair with a married woman, I'm going to give you some details for educational purposes only.

My friend began this affair just as you, staring and smiling, one thing lead to another and all of a sudden they were alone with a few drinks on their heads. My friend KNEW she was married, but he thought that a subtle affair wouldn't hurt him. It was harmless right? In case her husband found out she was the one who would need to face him...

The affair became very intense, and my friend realized during oral sex that ..... anyway! This made him change his mind as it is nasty and repulsive. He ended up breaking things up. The woman got angry and became obsessed with him, to the point of hating him. She began stalking him, and blackmailing him. She blamed him that he was the one who ruined her marriage, because since she met him she couldn't love her husband anymore. She wanted to leave her husband and wanted him to take responsibility of her and her kids. They worked together she went to HR and complained about sexual harassment, he got fired. She went to his family house and told his parents a whole different story of what actually happened, she even cried in front of them. Using facebook she discovered a few female friends whom she suspected were his girlfriends, and began messaging them about how "mentally sick" my friend is. She called him every day at every hour. Wherever he went she was there, police couldn't do anything because those were public places. She proceeded to tell her husband she was sexually assaulted by him and that's why she now hated sex. Her husband began to follow him around and wanted to denounce him to the proper authorities.

Eventually he left the country.

Probably if you give that step your life will not be ruined in those same terms, but just because you are the man and she is the one who is married doesn't mean that you will be "untouchable". You work together, not only is your mental stability at risk but also your financial. So don't do it. You know it's wrong. She knows it's wrong. The reason why society looks down on it is because it ruins people's lives in one way or the other, sometimes in a lesser degree than others. But nothing good comes out of it, and if it does is with a very high price attached.

[Capricorn3]

When you play with fire, expect to get burned. It all comes down to respecting the relationship of others, and self-respect. You know, good morals and values, integrity and all that good stuff. Do you have it?

[stuka80]

hey 1m50, that's pretty extreme. while i dont think anything like that will happen, i do realize that i cannot get involved with her no matter how tempting the situation is...i just dont understand how i became totally infatuated with her while barely knowing her. thanks for that story. it definitely opened my eyes out to crazy possibilities.

[stuka80]

When you play with fire, expect to get burned. It all comes down to respecting the relationship of others, and self-respect. You know, good morals and values, integrity and all that good stuff. Do you have it?

 

i try to, i do have principles, like i said, i can see the path i could potentially take is extremely wrong, that's why i just need some encouragement to stay honest

[1m50L0nl3y]

hey 1m50, that's pretty extreme. while i dont think anything like that will happen, i do realize that i cannot get involved with her no matter how tempting the situation is...i just dont understand how i became totally infatuated with her while barely knowing her. thanks for that story. it definitely opened my eyes out to crazy possibilities.

 

Well, maybe she won't go THAT crazy on you. But she can get a little crazy, specially since you don't know her that well and you don't know the amount of craziness her husband has!

She might look cute, but getting laid with a married woman is a disgusting act, morally and physically speaking. I never knew how much, until my friend explained me in a graphic way.

[20yrshurtand r]

Your integrity is guiding you in the right direction - stay away. No matter she would say about her husband, it is all fog to protect her own sense of integrity and make excuses. If she's unhappy, she should divorce him, not cheat with you.

[DN]

The answer to your problem is self-control.

[stuka80]

Your integrity is guiding you in the right direction - stay away. No matter she would say about her husband, it is all fog to protect her own sense of integrity and make excuses. If she's unhappy, she should divorce him, not cheat with you.

 

thanks man, yea i guess i can't really believe her if she does say anything negative about her husband. about the whole divorce thing, i really doubt she'd leave her husband for me nor would i want her to. i would want her to leave him because he's horrible to her, not to be with me, i want the reasons to be right. but anyway like i said, we havent crossed any lines so i'm probably thinking way too far ahead hehe.

 

the answer to your problem is self control

 

thanks bro, its so damn hard though...i'm trying to keep at it.

[DN]

thanks bro, its so damn hard though...i'm trying to keep at it.

It is hard but, as you are finding, not impossible.

[dopey]

But...what if? What if you do cross that line and it turns out to be amazing? What if she is miserable in her marriage and your attraction for each other is just the push she needs to get out? What if you two were meant to be together?

[abitbroken]

I don't pick up that she's in to you at all. So it is one sided. Please go places where you can meet single women, such as speed dating, volunteering, online, etc, just so you see that there are many possibilities and this is just an infatuation

[lalalollipops]

She's married.

 

Nuff said. No ifs or buts. SHE'S MARRIED.

 

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. In this case, I'm referring to the husbund.

[lalalollipops]

QUOTE: But...what if? What if you do cross that line and it turns out to be amazing? What if she is miserable in her marriage and your attraction for each other is just the push she needs to get out? What if you two were meant to be together?

 

 

lmfao if she's so miserable she should divorce the husbund first. Sb who stays in a marriage and cheats is a selfish, deceitful person, lacking in complete empathy.

Meant to be? If its meant to be. It WILL be.

 

When she's single.

[Sim54]

But...what if? What if you do cross that line and it turns out to be amazing? What if she is miserable in her marriage and your attraction for each other is just the push she needs to get out? What if you two were meant to be together?

 

There is no 'meant to be'. There is only what we create.

If she's a good match for you, she'll leave her husband, take time to heal, and then consider something with you.

Otherwise, she is bad news, however cute.

[20yrshurtand r]

What if you thought the rubber band was strong enough and jumped off a bridge head first? It MIGHT turn out OK?

[RoxyGril]

It's best to not get involved!!!!! I just found that my mom who is married chose to cheat with another married man w/ kids as well. IDK if she has kids or not but, regardless it's going to hurt people who don't deserve it. What my mom chose to do was by her own selfishness and did care who she was hurting. She hurt who husband and kids, along with the other man's family.

 

Keep it strictly at a professional and it is only has do with work.

[kaibutsu]

I was very young (and very stupid) and got involved in something just like this many years ago. It's a very bad thing and you're definitely making the right decision to avoid this entirely. It would only end badly for one of you or everyone involved.

[stuka80]

thanks for everyone's advice. i'm currently still trying my hardest to avoid her but the feelings are still pretty strong and i'm trying my hardest to suppress them during the day and get rid of them altogether. I do occasionally slip though and run into her on purpose at work to chat for a few minutes. But overall that's becoming less and less. I've avoided eating in the break room like the plague because she'll be there... which sucks cause sometimes i really do wanna save money and gas by bringing my lunch. Its just so damn hard whenever she passes by my area and we hold eye contact the entire time she's walking by... This is pretty damn hard...

[Sim54]

No need to try to suppress or get rid of your feelings. It doesn't work anyway. Just don't act on them. That's the hard part. But gain control of your behaviour and everything will work itself out.

[stuka80]

No need to try to suppress or get rid of your feelings. It doesn't work anyway. Just don't act on them. That's the hard part. But gain control of your behaviour and everything will work itself out.

 

haha yea but it would be a hell of alot easier to not act on these feelings if they dont exist. currently they do so i think it's best i get rid of them asap.