Calling all dumpers!!!Need yourthought NOW!

[travella]

Have you ever dumped someone even though you considered him/her as the best bf/gf you've had? Were you at that time just not ready for a relationship and instead wanted to play the field? If so....How did feel years or months down the line? Did you regret it?

[Fudgie]

Nope. I've always been the "dumper" and I leave because there are problems in the relationship that I have tried to resolve with my boyfriend but they either a) didn't care to do anything at all or b) we tried NUMEROUS times and it never worked, still unhappy. It was never a shock to my boyfriends that I was leaving.

 

I never wanted to play the "field". If I found something that made me happy and I saw as long term, I stuck with it until it didn't work anymore.

[emilybravo]

I dumped the first boyfriend I ever had. I met him when I was 17 and we stayed together two years. I know he was and probably always will be one of the best boyfriends I've ever had. But at the time, I was so young, and didn't know what I wanted, only that that included moving away from the tiny town where we lived. I regretted it several times in the months and even years following that, but today I have no regrets. It was the only thing that could have happened. And we are good friends to this day.

[travella]

Thanks ladies! But I was wondering from the male perspective.

[1m50L0nl3y]

If it is "the best relationship" I ever had I wouldn't dump them "to play the field". I'm not saying there's people who wouldn't do it, but that's not me. Now there can be periods of time where you think this is the best you will ever get, usually before the problems start, and you can come to that conclusion. So if the dumper rationalize only the good moments they can conclude it was the best. Also by comparing the good stuff only to previous relationships it can be called "the best ever". But that doesn't mean that is a conclusive statement, since the future always have more to offer. So part of meaning that a relationship is the best includes not holding room for future relationships for future comparison.

So the right way to put it is "Compared to previous relationships this was the best I had until this point in my life, but since I'm leaving you I think I can get something better in the future".

That being said, if someone drives me to the point where I need to dump them, is very hard for me to feel any remorse. Only once in my life this happened and it was because I was somewhat of a jerk, so I sabotaged her efforts to be a good girlfriend and once she became cold towards me I victimized myself and dumped her. When time passed me by I realized my mistakes, and regretted my choice, but as far as this being the best relationship ever, I doubt it.

[andreea]

Sure, you can dump somebody and regret later... we are all humans...

I dumped my last bf in spite that we were doing o.k because I thought he wasn t that much into me... irony is that I found out he was actually into me only after we broke up... so, I was the dummper and I regret it... and we are still keeping contact saying to each other that we regret, we miss each other we are thinking about each other... still nothing happens, we have never even met since January ... so I guess regrets are not enough... after all...

[travella]

The last thing my ex told me was how I was the best gf ever and how much he loved me. Yet, he tells me he's not ready for a relationship and decided to walk. He's hasn't had a relationship in 7 years until now..and now after being together for close to a year, he decided to play the field again. Just feel so low now, because he didn't want to work on us and just gave up.

[hrtlsngl7]

Have you ever dumped someone even though you considered him/her as the best bf/gf you've had? Were you at that time just not ready for a relationship and instead wanted to play the field? If so....How did feel years or months down the line? Did you regret it?

Yes, I dumped the my 1st & true love. She loved me for me, but there were numerous problems with the relationship. I tried to fix myself and her and it didn't work. I had to go. It was all logical. It's been 2 years I think about her ALL the time and we are still friends, but I don't regret it because she was screwing my life up, so I had to go. I DO MISS THE GOOD TIMES THO.

[travella]

Yes, I dumped the my 1st & true love. She loved me for me, but there were numerous problems with the relationship. I tried to fix myself and her and it didn't work. I had to go. It was all logical. It's been 2 years I think about her ALL the time and we are still friends, but I don't regret it because she was screwing my life up, so I had to go. I DO MISS THE GOOD TIMES THO.

 

How long were you two together? What problems were you having?

[WockaWocka]

The last thing my ex told me was how I was the best gf ever and how much he loved me. Yet, he tells me he's not ready for a relationship and decided to walk. He's hasn't had a relationship in 7 years until now..and now after being together for close to a year, he decided to play the field again. Just feel so low now, because he didn't want to work on us and just gave up.

 

I'm sorry to hear that - I know it hurts to be broken up with. But his actions speak louder than words. Dumpers often want to avoid drama and tears so that's why you get some variation of "it's not you, it's me."

 

Now if he really hasn't been in a relationship for the past 7 years then there may be an element of truth to "it's me." My guess is that perhaps in part he's not looking for anything serious.

 

How did you two meet?