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How do you gain your self-esteem back after being in an abusive relationship?


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I was in a verbally abusive relationship for approximately 6 months. When we first met, he was charming, polite, etc. But slowly, things started to turn very ugly. We would get into a fight, and he would shout fiercely. Then his excuse was "this is how he is" because he was raised in a military family. And to top it off, he said his dad was abusive to him and his brothers riduculed him all the time. He is in his 30's so this should have been dealt with already. Then, it started to get worse and worse. He has OCD with cleaning. I spilled a pot by accident. He screamed at me, and then that night he screamed at me on the phone and said because of me he has a big mess to clean up. It would just keep getting worse and worse. He would go ballistic over something ridiculous and then of course he tries to be all mr nice guy the next day. Says he had a bad childhood and just needs my help sometimes and for me not to turn my back on him. Also he has anger problems and walks around with a huge chip on his shoulder. Someone driving crappy and he starts yelling in the car, someone on the side of the street is a scumbag, guy leaving grocery store is on steroids, people in his bldg are aholes, you get the idea. And apparently, everyone is jealous of him including his brothers who he says never call him. Hmmm i wonder why! Even his parents can see how he is. He is always so negative, thinks people are always laughing or talking about him too! He yelled at me one night on the phone, then told me to shut up. I hung up on him. We had tried getting counselling about 6 weeks ago. But then when i try to talk about his issues he thinks he is being attacked. He wont deal with them he just seems to think he is being picked on. Might have to do with the fact that he was picked on as a child but still thats not my fault. The list goes on and on. But basically, any issue that was his, he would blame on me. He wouldnt own up to them. I am verbally abusive, need help, have anger issues, negative treat him like crap, etc. Then he tells me his mom is mad at me and can't believe i broke up with him, and that even his mom said how good he treated me. I think his mom knows better. She saw how he could get. He puts on a good show, holds my hand etc. But then when i am upset about something, or try to communicate, he thinks i am fighting with him and starts going bezerko. Lately, i found him on a couple social networking sites. I am on facebook, but he was on this other one that looked like a meat market. And he has over 300 female "friends" half clothed. But apparently, that is ok because he didnt cheat on me and they are just "friends" and I am being crazy, and makeing a big deal out of it. He has left me questioning myself where i think hmmmm, maybe i am wrong. But, i know i am not. I know my own sanity, and no boyfriend has ever had me questioning it. Everything is always about him. One time we took my son to this amusement park, and he said " we arent staying long" i was getting upset because i am not taking him there just to go on 2 rides. Well, we ended up staying until closing so you know what they say about karma!! how do you move forward? i did develop a bond with him and his family, but i know that i deserve better, much better. He misrepresented himself, and he is trash and an abuser who tried to make me think i am the problem. He also manipulated me alot, and accused me of cheating, possessive, etc.

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I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been dealing with this type of person myself.

The only thing to really do to heal is to take time, find yourself again. Realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

He projected all of his problems on you and that isn't right, especially only 6 months into a relationship.

Realize if you had let things go on any longer, it would've gotten worse.

I'm glad you realize he isn't good enough for you because he isn't, at all. Nothing can justify his behavior.

He will never change without serious help, which he probably will never get.

One day you will meet someone that treats you right, just go out and try to have a good time the best that you can.

Keep close with family and friends, it really does work wonders.

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sounds like he might have borderline personality disorder. anyway, you seem to know that you should get away from him and i applaud you for that. yea yea, you built that bond... but the less you spend time with him, that bond can fade. It's better that it fades. Remember the pop star Rihanna? She went though such public abuse getting a black eye and all by her famous ex boyfriend, chris brown. get away from that dude before he gets physically abusive.

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