abandoned Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 why is it when I look back now...and see i was treated like crap...and she has big problems....why it still hurts and I think so much about her???????????? Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 cant wait to not think of her...this sucks Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I think once you can get past the initial pain of the breakup you will be in a better place for getting through the rest of the grieving process. Unfortunately, being together with her for quite some time has conditioned you to the cycle that you participated in by putting up with her and seeing past her erratic behavior. In truth, it looks like you really only had a relationship with half of person. The other half was the wreck and destruction that you took responsibility to solve for. Instead of having a healthy relationship with communication about issues, you took it upon yourself to be responsible for "cleaning up after her" so to speak. It is painful to lose the good half and it is also painful to be relieved of the role you played in being the fixer or peacekeeper. However, in the end and once you can get past the break up enough to recognize that it wasn't good for you or the kids, you will see it for what it is and realize that it wasn't sustainable. You couldn't make it better, alone.....not without her being accountable for her behaviors. I am sorry you are going through this. I am sure that your heart is ripped to pieces after how much work you put in. It shouldn't be this much work though. Give it time and you will come to see that. Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Thanks for response learning2relax I see what your saying.Thats it, I put up with the bad half of her personality, because the good half was just so good.I dont really blame her.She does not see it,its hard for her to get help if she wont see her problem..in a way she is sick and needs help..I have been on a rollarcoaster of trying to forget her, and missing her so much. when she was in a good mood we were so good together..so close..so passionate! Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Thanks for response learning2relax I see what your saying.Thats it, I put up with the bad half of her personality, because the good half was just so good.I dont really blame her.She does not see it,its hard for her to get help if she wont see her problem..in a way she is sick and needs help..I have been on a rollarcoaster of trying to forget her, and missing her so much. when she was in a good mood we were so good together..so close..so passionate! You are welcome. Just understand that only you chose to stay on the roller coaster. You can get off at any time. It is your anticipation and enjoyment of the good parts of the ride that keep you on even if overall you are feeling sick and unwell because of the bad parts of the ride affecting how you feel in sum total. Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 hmm I wish I could just get off! I will try to think of how terrible it was to get over it..but then..i just miss being beside her..I miss her smell, I miss her touch..I miss her eyes, hard to block that out! Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 hmm I wish I could just get off! I will try to think of how terrible it was to get over it..but then..i just miss being beside her..I miss her smell, I miss her touch..I miss her eyes, hard to block that out! Oh, I know that feeling. It is torture. But you have to go through it. Focus on feeling the pain and allowing yourself to be sad. Do your best to exercise some patience with yourself and the process. The more you resist, the longer it lasts. It gets better. I does NOT feel like that right now but it does. It really does. Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 well I have decided to go home to Toronto for 4 weeks to see family and friends, try to get my bearings back...Will be hard to put my daughters to there mothers for so long and leave them so long in Finland...but i feel I must do this, need to! Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 im going crazy! Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 im going crazy! Maybe it would help for you to step away from ENA for a bit as you are keeping your head "in it." Why don't you go get yourself busy with something around the house or with the kids or watch a movie or anything to help tear you away so that you don't feel the anxiety you are feeling at the moment. Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Maybe it would help for you to step away from ENA for a bit as you are keeping your head "in it." Why don't you go get yourself busy with something around the house or with the kids or watch a movie or anything to help tear you away so that you don't feel the anxiety you are feeling at the moment. whats ENA? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Reality is sinking in. Seriously, think about it. This woman has the capacity to kill you in your sleep. There is someone far better for you out there that you will have a healthy relationship with. This one just is not working for you...... When you thing about her eyes, and her smell and all that, please also think about how dangerous she is to your very well being!!!....... Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 CHI Thats it..I think of both...one minute im mad..than sad...hate her..love her...I did so so much for her and her kids! so much..How can she not miss me? Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 whats ENA? This board....enotalone.com Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 oh hahaha thats what it is...ya I guess so...been on here for hours.... I HATE this feeling... I hate that I miss her...and know she needs help...that I cant give her...and she doesnt see she has huge problems....... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I may have missed this .. are you able to get into therapy? Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 I may have missed this .. are you able to get into therapy? why? you think I need it? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 why? you think I need it? I vote yes. You miss an abusive relatinship. I think you need to find out why.... Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 I dont miss the abuse..I know she needs help..But she does not see it....but I miss her tender side, her good side, we were very passionate in bed for 6 years, every time was still like new and that never wore off....I have never seen that in a long term relationship...it must stand for something! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 You hid knifes from her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Because when she flips out she can be totally psycho, Its like something just snaps...her eyes look different, its like its not her! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Because when she flips out she can be totally psycho, Its like something just snaps...her eyes look different, its like its not her! Exactly my point. You are afraid of her at times. She is a danger to your life. What part of that do you not understand?... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 why? you think I need it? Yes. It is not an insult either, my friend. I am just saying that it's a natural need after so much trauma. It was an abusive, unhealthy mess. Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 another night..did not even sleep at all.....oh boy! Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 I cant wait to just forget you.....hope it is sooner than later! Link to comment
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