Oh God, how do I get out of this situation?

[horses]

I'll try and keep this as simple as possible:

 

A couple of months ago I moved into a new house with my girlfriend. Two weeks in, she decides she'd had enough of me and breaks up. I really hit rock bottom and decided it was time to sort out my mental state. Since then, I've been seeing psychiatrists and psychotherapists and having a goal of making myself the person I want to be. At the same time me and my girlfriend have been trying again - it's not official, no sex, it's rocky, the outlook is bleak, but we're trying. As a back up I have arranged to move out into my friend's place in a month or so. Unless me and the girlfriend really get things going I'll be moving out.

 

Meanwhile, about three weeks ago a new girl joined my work. She is beautiful and smart and friendly, blah blah blah you can see where this is going. She has started seeing a guy here but it's fairly obvious to everyone that she's interested in me. Last weekend we kissed. The only reason we didn't do more is because I would feel so guilty if things work out with my ex. I already feel guilty, I know I'd be horrified if she'd done something similar. The ex is already horrendously jealous and last week responded to seeing me talking to this girl by flirting with everyone in a club (to the point where she says she feels guilty - what does that even mean?) to the point where one guy texts her saying things like "so why haven't we slept together yet?"

 

So while my relationship and home is completely unstable, I'm doing a new job for my company in a new building. Lots of my friends have just left. Everything is transient it seems and I don't know when it will stop.

 

I feel like I have to totally devote myself to patching things up with my ex, or commit to ending it and moving on. Right now I'm in limbo

 

What the hell do I do?

[ForumGuy]

You are not commited to making anything work with your girl. If you were, you wouldn't be kissing another girl.

[lavenderdove]

If you are kissing another girl while supposedly 'working on it' with your GF, you are just not committed to your GF and it won't work out.

 

Just end it and move out. In fact, if you tell the truth to your GF, that you actually kissed this other girl and that she had a legitimate reason to be jealous, I think she will make it easy and end it for you...

[Eocsor]

So brand new girl who you don't have a relationship with is interesting but girl you've been with for a while and are having problems with doesn't seem so appealing. Go figure.

 

Anything new and shiney is always more appealing. But the new and shiney quickly loses it's appeal when you've been with it for a while.

 

I think you need to be totally on your own until you can figure out what you really want in life. You've got problems, otherwise you wouldn't be seeing a shrink. You say you want to become a better person. Bouncing from one relationship to the next won't solve any of your problems. You'll just be setting yourself up for a repeat.

 

I mean really, cheating on your girlfriend with a girl who's cheating on her boyfriend, is that the new better you you are striving for?

[abitbroken]

I would back up with the new girl, like the other posters say. While your heart is being yanked back and forth, you can't see the new girl for who she really is and not just an "answer" or an "out." Fully commit to solving the issues in your relationship or break up for good. But if you break up, don't make the moves on the new girl. You need time for yourself to avoid a rebound. THe other question is, are you going to fess up to your girl, or are you going to use the "we weren't really together" if she finds out?

[ToF]

So are you planning on hiding this kiss from your girlfriend?

[oldenoughtoknow]

She broke up with you two weeks after you moved in together. Now, you're roommates, and kind of working on it. Working on what? What are the issues? Are they fixable? Or, is she the type that will do this again in six months? She's horrendously jealous. What other redeeming qualities does she have? It sounds like you're just hanging on by a thread, living on her scraps, hoping that a semblance of normal will blanket your life again. I think you're clinging to a sinking ship. If she's flirting with other guys, she's already gone. These are just the death rattles. Bite the bullet and proceed with moving out, ASAP. Have you ever thought that much of the drama in your life is due to her? Breaking up two weeks after moving in? Who does that? Find a normal girl who's relationship ready and wants to be with you.

[Le MX5]

End it with your ex. I've always followed the "never make the same mistake twice" rule, and I think it's something that people should at least think about. End it and do your own think, I'm sure it'll work out better.

 

Also, never move in with a girl unless you're engaged.