how to get your man to be devoted?

[im_the_undead]

as dumb as that sounds, i think there's some sort of a mind game to acheiving this.

they say "always be yourself," but sometimes that's not good enough.

i say this because i knew a few very good women who have good morals and upbringnig.. however, no matter how good the guy is, in the end they always fall into temptation and cheat or disrespect the girl.

then, there are women who i know that have very low morals, have cheated in previous relationships, and are a bit shady. SOMEHOW, those women have the best luck in finding a good, loyal man... or manage to change a bad boy into a relationship type of guy. They seem to have such successful stories.

I lost contact with those girls before I had a chance to ask how they managed to do what ever it is they did.... but before that, I had made observations of my own that they were slightly manipulative.. and played their cards well. Whatever it was, happieness is all i've seen and heard of by ear.

 

O.O it's baffling. Maybe I just don't understand the system? -_____________-

[kate246]

I don't think I would ever want to play games to make a man devoted to me.

 

For one, I don't want some lap dog who will do what I say and just fill this criteria in my head.

 

And second, if the guy cheats on me that is his own prerogative. He does it knowing what's at risk and is willing to do that to us. If so, I would want to know asap so I can decide if I want that. He needs to decide on his own if he likes me and what he wants. I don't want to trick him or change him to stay with me. I need to be able to know his character and decide on my own if I want that.

[tinkerbellkj]

I don't think you can get anyone to do anything. People make their own decisions and unfortunately they are often at the expense of others. You are only responsible for your own actions, even though others actions can be incredibly painful for you. So all you can do is project yourself to others and hope to meet a good person and treat them they way you would like to be treated.

 

Watching for 'red flags' is also very useful and take them seriously, and don't just brush them off. I was in a relationship with a very selfish and mean person, but ignored all the red flags for a long time because I didn't want to believe it. I continued to try and try for this person and guess what? It never worked-- he's still selfish and mean. I then met my husband and didn't let myself fall too quickly before I knew what type of a person he was and now I am married to a wonderful person who has NEVER been hurtful or disrespectful of me.

 

My husband and I are devoted to each other because we are at the same place in our lives, love each other, and have mutual interests. I could not have forced that if I wanted to, it just falls into place if it's meant to happen.

[BellaDonna]

how to get your man to be devoted?

 

I don't think you can convince someone to be devoted. The best you can do is approach the relationship honestly and be devoted yourself.

 

However if a person is selfish enough to cheat and lie and deceive, that is something within them and it's not something you can convince them out of. Cindy Crawford and Halle Berry were cheated on. If a supermodel can't find the magic formula I don't know who can.... lol I am led to believe there isn't a magic forumla in life- only honest people and dishonest people.

[Mauxly]

Yeah. You can't make a man devoted. You find a man who is devoted. And you find that man by being honest about what you want and setting boundaries. The rest of those games are just a painful waste of time.

 

The truth is that you can neither manipulate or fark a man into loving you. They do or they don't. Just be yourself and stay honest. You'll have to kiss a lot of frogs along the way, but at least you won't be trying to convince a frog to be a prince. It just doesn't work that way.

[im_the_undead]

That was cute ^ lol

 

thanks ladies, I'll keep that in mind.

Although I'm still pretty awed by the functioning relationships I see where I know the woman has the upper hand because of her seductive, yet, "idgaf" personality.

[TakingtheBlame]

That was cute ^ lol

 

thanks ladies, I'll keep that in mind.

Although I'm still pretty awed by the functioning relationships I see where I know the woman has the upper hand because of her seductive, yet, "idgaf" personality.

 

FWIW you don't know that these women have the upper hand. If they're lying manipulators, do you really think they'd go around telling the truth to friends and strangers about how dysfunctional their relationships really are?

[kate246]

But it's different with every relationship. I know heaps of girls, including my sister at the moment, whose boyfriend has the upper hand because they are 'scared of commitment/think we need time off" or cheated on a girl. And so the girl is doing everything to try and be not needy and keep them around. I've also been with a guy who had been cheated on, so he never trusted me and was constantly trying to stay aloft, and thereby got the upper hand on me.

 

It does happen often in relationships where one person has the upper hand, but I think if has more to do with the person and their past rather than their sex. Although in the end of the day, none of it is healthy.

[Silverbirch]

Sounds like they may have read that book: "Why Men Love B's (female dogs)"

[oldenoughtoknow]

Relationships are a dance. Maintaining a balance is a most difficult task, even in the best of partnerships. There is always someone more in love than the other. It's very basic human nature to want what you can't have. If you've always been the pursuer in your relationships, always the one more in love, always the one thinking about the other more than they are thinking about you, always doing more nice things for them than they do for you, always trying to please them more than they try to please you, you have an imbalance. Sometimes it's as simple as one person being less demonstrative than the other. But more often than not, your imbalanced devotion isn't allowing room or incentive for him to step up. The extreme example of this would be a doormat. How do you change that without playing games or being manipulative? Try to adopt a mindset that you're willing to walk if things go wrong. Not that you would over a minor infraction, but keeping that option fresh in your mind will help you not get quite so deep into "it." That's what the "low moral" women you know do in their relationships - they don't get really attached. They cheat. They do what they want. They make their man the pursuer. I'm not saying they are going about things in a healthy manner either - just using their mindset as the other example in the dichotomy. The key is finding the balance - don't over do, don't over care, but still care enough and allow yourself to become attached enough. That's right, Martha, real relationships take work. And yeah, sometimes maintaining a healthy relationship can feel like standing on top of a bowling ball.