Feeling weak lately...and betrayed

[Lostheart87]

So I haven't been on here in a few months, mostly because I have not had the need to. I have been working on getting over my ex for the past almost 6 months now. We dated for a little under 8 months, and broke up because of stupid miscommunications on both are parts (thats what happens when you have a relationship of purely texting half the time...).

 

Anyway, about 1-2 months after we broke up (she broke up with me) she started to see the guy that I knew liked her before (she never cheated on me, nor even knew he liked her...but I knew). Granted the fact that she jumped right into a new relationship hurt a bit...ok a lot...considering the fact that we had such an amazing relationship. I seriously thought she was going to be the one.

 

Fast forward to about a month ago, and she keeps trying to text me, so I check the guys facebook (he has an unprotected one) and it says he's single. I can't check hers because I defriended her. So here I am thinking "She must have realized what we had." So I took the bait. We ended up talking almost non-stop for about 5 days, saying things like I miss you and I want to go dancing with you again, and other things like lets go on vacation. Any sane man would completely realize that this is a sign they want you back.

 

Until I find out that she is actually still with the other guy, and that he just refuses to acknowledge their status on FB, and moreover hasn't been giving her the time of day recently, and didn't seem to care at all that she had food poisoning the past 3 days.

 

So immediately I am crushed...I got mad at her and in short told her to not text me again, and how dare she use me just because she was lonely. Fast forward again to 2 weeks ago, and again she starts texting me again things like "Hey there I ignore her again and again, and finally I decide to vent to my buddy about it. Except when I text him about what she was saying...I accidentally text her instead...whoops.

 

What followed was a large argument about how I felt wronged and that she couldn't possibly expect me to talk to her again after what she did to me. She tried to play innocent and say things like "But I thought you meant go on a trip as a group." and "I thought you knew" and such...I wasn't having any of it. THEN she had the nerve to go and say "What was I supposed to do? You disappeared and didn't seem like you cared about me, so I moved on."

 

EXCUSE ME? I DISAPPEARED? Is she joking?!? She broke up with me!! Of COURSE I am going to disappear! I tried to make amends about a month after the breakup but she was having none of it...so what the (%?!?!

 

Anyway...now its today, and sadly at the college I am attending the guy she is with now has research posters all around the building I am always in...nothing like a punch in the gut. It's like he is saying to me "You will never be as good as me". I know that's not what I should be thinking but its hard to squash those thoughts. I have been good lately on resisting to call/text her...but its been hard these past few days for some reason. I still won't contact her, but right now I miss her more than anything, and would give anything just to hold her again.

 

I see people all around me in relationships (Its college and I am 24), so its just hard right now I think...just needed to vent...

 

Any words of encouragement right now would be great

[Angel Irulan]

I have a heavy heart when I hear stories like yours. I learned the hard way that too much time using media or technology to develop a romantic relationship is a real loser! And so many have gotten angry with me for saying what is and should be obvious: you must have a significant amount of face time to be in love, for it to grow. Looking back it was self-evident, but our world has put us in the cybersphere so much that we think it can sub for in real life. No no no.

 

Angel

[meoww]

You may see people in relationships all around you, but just think of how many of them are exactly like yours, or worse. It's the dirty truth about too many relationships because most people are just too nuts to handle other people, let alone themselves.

 

You can rise above this and hopefully seek something better.

 

Your ex's new guy sounds like a jerk, and it also sounds like she was reaching out to you for comfort because of this. She gets the emotional intimacy from you, and the attraction from him, or something along those lines. Taking the high road is no fun but you'll learn something very valuable from this if you do.

[Lostheart87]

You may see people in relationships all around you, but just think of how many of them are exactly like yours, or worse. It's the dirty truth about too many relationships because most people are just too nuts to handle other people, let alone themselves.

 

You can rise above this and hopefully seek something better.

 

Your ex's new guy sounds like a jerk, and it also sounds like she was reaching out to you for comfort because of this. She gets the emotional intimacy from you, and the attraction from him, or something along those lines. Taking the high road is no fun but you'll learn something very valuable from this if you do.

 

Well for one thing, yes the guy is a jerk for doing that to her, however I also find that he is also pretty popular amongt eeveryone (students and instructors alike) and it somehow seems he just doesn't know how to handle a relationship. And as for the attraction thing, I am confident enough to say that is one thing I have over him...he's for sure not a looker. I just really hate having to stare at his accomplishments everyday...like I said it's just a punch in the gut

 

I'll likely get over this, it's just hard when the memory and pain keeps literally staring at you in the face everyday...

[meoww]

I understand that...I went through that, and I guess what I got out of it was that it was a pretty powerful motivator to put myself out there more. I'm not sure where you stand in that, perhaps you have already done so and haven't experienced the same kind of success. At the end of the day, you have find a way to get something out of this experience. The only thing that got me through feelings of inferiority was making big changes in my life, and that's something long term that will not bring immediate relief.

 

It's petty, but at least you are more attractive. It sounds trite but focusing on your positive attributes will actually work in the long run especially if you actually work on your vulnerabilities. And hopefully stop talking to this girl until she at least figures out how to treat you like a real friend.

[Lostheart87]

That's the way I try to look at it to be honest. Academically he may be better, as I know it's not what's on the outside that counts, but I am really trying to view the postivies.

[SeekFortitude]

THEN she had the nerve to go and say "What was I supposed to do? You disappeared and didn't seem like you cared about me, so I moved on."

 

I can feel the rage! My ex some said BS too like this. Its enough to want to make you want to smash something. They try to play the victim. Disgusting.

 

Bro, my advice to CUT that cancer of a woman out of your life. Do not talk to her again. She is a user, manipulator, liar, and completely untrustworthy. This girl is a joke. You are better than this. Lets go!! Today is the start. Back to No contact. Move on. She is dead you. OVER.

 

 

Again to quote LaKings55....He sums up beautifully how you should be thinking in the brief few sentences....

Don't know about you guys, but NC is almost poetic for me. It's like watching the end of an Old-Western or something, just riding off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again. It makes the past seem almost like a dream when you no longer speak to your ex, or ever hear anything about them and vice versa. It is definitely a game changer, and the only real way to find strength when you feel weak. I know a lot of people on here believe LC is taking the high-road, but there are some times in life when you need to stand up, stop walking on egg-shells, and be decisive.

[SeekFortitude]

She is finished. Once and for all. She just hung herself with this little game. OVER!!!

[Lostheart87]

Believe me I haven't talked to her in a little over a month and don't plan on talking to her either. I have just felt weak recently, and I can likely attribute that to school starting again and seeing all the couples everywhere. I am content kn being single, but it just sucks.

 

And I agree with you on her trying to play victim. I have no idea what goes on in someones head to allow then to think they aren't at fault, but I guess some people just have that ability. Its pretty sick to be honest

[SeekFortitude]

Good for you man. And don't worry about the other couples. Enjoy your single life dude. Its quite fun. Believe me.

 

 

I have no idea what goes on in someones head to allow then to think they aren't at fault, but I guess some people just have that ability. Its pretty sick to be honest

 

I don't get either. I need to analyze people you do this to figure out the motivation. I ma curious. I am going to post a thread on this topic.

[Glowguy]

Ok so stories like this are EXACTLY why no contact is advised so much, so yeah .... I think you need that. Basically this woman is toying with you and manipulating you for an ego boost. Her new guy apparently isn't giving her as much attention so naturally she wants a boost. You're totally right, She dumped you dude. Don't listen to her BS and definitely don't get sucked into any arguments with her. If you absolutely have to talk to her then treat it like a business encounter.

 

Keep your head up. It gets better and better as the months go by. I'm on 9 months now and I still think about her a lot, but the pain is completely gone now. Start focusing on yourself and maybe get out there and meet some new women to distract you. There are better girls out there and once you find the right one you'll forget all about this one.

[Tryptophan]

You're better than both of them. UNDERSTAND THIS.

 

You acknowledged the relationship you had with her; something he couldn't do.

 

You didn't deceive her like she deceived you. Let her be someone else's toy now. It's her turn to suffer.

[Lostheart87]

Just found out today that her new relationship just ended. Can't say enough how much of a bad idea it is to jump right into a new relationship.

[Lostheart87]

And as a side note I am somewhat inclined to believe it failed partially because I was not there to provide the emotional support she wanted. See what happens when you stay out of things?