I want to break up but I care so much about him.

[ktg]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a litttle under a year now. Our relationship has been on and off for the past two and a half years but this is the longest time we have been together. Like all relationships the beginning was so good. I think that I though that I loved him but I it could have been only stupis teenage love. I suppose I do not know the difference yet. This past summer has been very difficult for him. His Grandmother, whom he had been very close to passed away that spring and his relatives are constantly fighting over her estate. Through this difficult time, I have been the only one he has been able to vent to but it has gotten to the point where it has drained me. We would spend hours on the phone late at night and all he would do was talk about how much he hated the summer and how sad he was. It got to the point where I did not even know what to tell him. There were several times over the summer where I thought the relationship would end. I hated being around someone who was unhappy all the time. I know he has been trying to get better so I just stay, he cares for me so much. He has improved a lot with his pesimistic attitude but it is still there. I also don't wish to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I guess you could say that I have grown tired of it. I need a change, I want to be single. I have already tried to break up with him but he convinced me to stay and give him another chance. I stay because I hate to be another thing that makes him miserable. I care about him so much. And on top of all this his uncle was just diagnosed with cancer. I am unhappy in this relationship but how could I possibly end things when he is already going through so much? Will there ever be an appropriate time. I don't want to continue to drag this on. I love him, I am not in love with him though if that makes sense.

[AJEDrew7]

The number one person in your life is you. You need to make it very clear that you want separation and you can't give into him pleading to give him another chance. As much as things are going wrong with his life, you need to worry about yourself and your own happiness. You need to just end things. I would sever things for a little while, but make it apparent that you are still there if he REALLY needs you (for support). But otherwise, you should try going without talking for a while.

[Eocsor]

Actually, you don't really care for him that much. It sounds like you are staying with him out of feelings of obligation and thoughts of what others will think if you dump him at this difficult time.I'm sorry, but if you really care for someone you stick with them

through the tough times and sometimes the hard times last quite a while.

 

Do him a favor and let him go. You aren't helping him any by pretending to care for him and are just prolonging the inevitable.

[bdhs]

I'm beginning to grow the same feelings, but i realized that yourself is your first priority. If you're not doing everything you can to make yourself happy, how can you expect to make someone else happy?

[pietro5266]

I'll offer a little compassion, because you are compassionate. You are struggling with taking care of your own needs, against your concern that you'll add extra misery to your boyfriend given all of his life issues. Just because you no longer want to be romantically involved with him doesn't mean that you don't still care about him. So, of course you would never choose to purposely hurt him.

 

However, as the others have said, in the end, you must take care of yourself. You can't stay with him indefinitely. If he's a melancholy sort, and he's not doing anything about becoming un-melancholy, there will never be a good time to break-up with him. There will always be something he's miserable about. And, regardless, he'll get over it. You breaking-up is not likely to be the end of him; however, you will have to deal with the possibility that you'll lose contact with him, which may be very difficult for you. I'm looking at a similar situation myself, and hate the idea of losing contact.

 

Most importantly, you have been honest with him, and given him some hints about your feelings. You're not dumping him for someone else. You simply want to move on, and he has to accept that. Good luck.

[catfeeder]

All relationships are voluntary. There is no judge or jury, and you don't need to justify a 'reason' for wanting to go solo. People break up all the time. Don't allow yourself to be held hostage by another's misery. There is nobody else on the planet who can live your life for you, and you're perfectly justified in making your own decisions about who you want to spend your time with.

 

You never get any spent time back again for do-overs. Go live how you want to live.

 

Nobody else gets a vote.

 

Head high.