Boyfriend seems to be getting selfish in our sex life?

[Saures]

Heres a bit of back light, I've been with 6 guys before him, and I have been with him for just over 7 months.

I have never had an orgasm....

 

I was very tolerable with him at the beginning of our relationship, i.e he was very shy about his penis and always insisted he touches me rather than the other way round, which I tolerated, soon enough he got over his fear and we began to do foreplay, with his low sex-drive, his lack of turn ons, and his odd loss of erections, we didn't have sex until 3 months into the relationship. It bothered me a bit. So we started having sex...

 

I don't orgasm and because of this, I never "finish". Where as he does...

 

A classic example of him being selfish is, we got in from a long day and started having a "team fap" as we like to call it, use your imaginations, he then started saying "can i put it in you yet" "i want to have sex" I refused and he just stopped and said "i've lost motivation now" "its not fair you can't start me up like that and not finish". I of course got very mad at this, I said its unfair because I didn't want sex, and all I wanted was to just be touched in that way and he just asked for sex.

He then told me "you should be happy with what you have". I wasn't having sex and I was fine, he was the one asking for something he wasn't getting and as soon as I told him "not now" "later" "no", he just loses all motivation...

 

I know maybe ti was a bit obscene this whole post, but yeah...

 

Is he being selfish? Am I just holding back because I'm not being "fulfilled" as some would say?

[Ariel85]

Are you certain he's straight?

 

If he is, he has a boat load of hang-ups and issues. Low sex drive, no turn-ons, loss of erections...

 

Coupled with his lack of sexual skill or desire to please you makes me wonder if this relationship is a beard and he has some closeted insane gay lifestyle, or, he's just crappy and selfish in bed.

 

Either way, I can't see how a sex life like this would keep you in the relationship. Have you talked to him about your concerns? Though with an attitude that you should be happy with what you have, I can understand why you haven't.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Can I put it in you yet? Seriously? How old is he...2? Is he being selfish? Uh, yeah. Are you holding back? Sure, and I don't blame you. You always wash his car and put park in the nice, safe and cozy garage, while yours sits filthy out at the curb. That's bound to build resentment. Why isn't your car getting any attention...ever? You need to have a serious talk with him. If he can't be happy trying in make you happy, you're better off cutting your losses as early as possible.

[Mellie]

So you've been having sex for four months and he hasn't given you one orgasm? Not even in foreplay? It sounds like all this talk about his fear etc. etc. has conveniently made it all about him. Like because he has those issues, his comfort and happiness has become the sole focus. It's not on. At all. Don't feel guilty! You need to talk to him about it. I think he'd struggle to find a woman who would find that acceptable for four days, let alone four months.

[Saures]

Ariel85: i don't think he's gay, well I hope not... I am 100% sure he isn't though... I have spoken to him about it, he's very... self-kept when it comes to his emotions, thoughts etc, so I just got an "okay" out of him..

 

oldenoughtoknow: Thats a good way of putting it, I don't really deem it a good enough reason to get out of the relationship, itd just be nice to be focused on occasionally...

 

Mellie: I've been with 6 other partners and never had an orgasm, the foreplay used to be really great, and it would last enough for me to think either "okay thats enough" or "wow, i really enjoyed that", now its just like "oh dont stop" or I just get frustrated. Its turned into, me leading into sex with him because he is flirty and cheeky before we get onto the sex, which I don't get ever unless we do have sex. It does make me feel less of a person or just not.. worth the attention kind of thing... But talking to him doesn't seem to work as I have mentioned it more than several times

[Mellie]

It's a mental block you need to get past, and you'll only do that with someone whose patient and understanding and puts you at ease. It sounds like this guy is completely focussed on his own issues. Your pleasure is just as important as his.

[Oneironaut]

I highly suggest getting a toy and teaching yourself how to orgasm, so that you at least have an idea of what you're missing...

 

(And just for the record, I never had an orgasm until the age of 38, using the above method. I can't believe all the years I wasted, lol...)

[MakeItCount]

That ticks me off. When you're with a guy worth his beans, he makes sure you're satisfied first. IE I'd go down on my ex and made sure she came, then we'd fool around some more, then we'd have sex. Since I was inexperienced I wanted to make sure she at least came with foreplay in case I couldn't make her come during sex.

 

If he has sexual hangups, or is just selfish..that's not good. Going to be hard to change that one. And no, you're not being selfish or demanding. You're being very reasonable.

[Sighby]

I highly suggest getting a toy and teaching yourself how to orgasm, so that you at least have an idea of what you're missing...

 

(And just for the record, I never had an orgasm until the age of 38, using the above method. I can't believe all the years I wasted, lol...)

 

I'd agree with this too!

 

Or what seemed to finally work for me: I had been having sex for six years before I had an orgasm. It wasn't the men--(and I know that's not what your problem is here; but in the future, or for anyone else reading with this problem... just saying..) it was me. I wouldn't want oral, as I was way too self-conscious and I'd end up wayyy overthinking it and effectively killing any potential for an orgasm. So what we did? We sat there and talked while he did all the work. I sat there and blathered on about school/my job/friends... as ridiculous and maybe even unsexy as it sounds, it really worked. Instead of thinking and agonizing about what was going on down there, I just concentrated on the conversation... and within 15 minutes, poof.

 

Hah.