Di84 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Well I met this guy a couple weeks ago while out for dinner with a few friends. He was super into me and asked me for my number. At first, I wasn't really into givng out my number but then i thought "why not give this guy a chance". Afterall he was quite nice and charming. We went on a few dates and we actually ended up really getting along very well and enjoyed spending hours on end together. He told me he hadn't met anyone he liked so much (and vice-versa) in a long time that he was extremely picky and he really just couldn't find anything not to like about me. Fast forward a week and all of a sudden he does this to me... On sunday night i went over and brought him dinner. We watched a movie together and one thing led to another; we end up sleeping with each other. Now, I haven't been with anyone new since I broke up with my ex of 4yrs (just to give u a bit of my background for explanation later). While having sex with him i asked him to change position as i was uncomfortable and he got up and stopped out of nowhere and got mad at me saying that iw as putting too much pressure on him to perform (which i really wasnt) and that he was mad at me. (ok here i am on his bed completely shocked by what is going on). So I end up telling him that im sorry if he felt that way and maybe i need to crack out of my usual ways of having sex...... I was seriously confused by this and decided to just take accountability for whatever he was feeling i did wrong. He finally drops it and says sorry. NExt day he writes me an email and all is fine again. He asks me if id like to go over again and this time make him dinner. I agree to do so... and end up cooking him a great dinner and again we have a great night together, until we have sex later in the evening. Well this time, after telling me i was too forward the night before by telling him what to do, he acts forward with me. I bring it up to him during and say "woah..i thought u wanted to not be so forward and take things slowly". His response to that was "shut up" and as we were in the middle of this intimate moment..i just let it go. Now - this is when things get really weird. I ask him to simply change position as i was not comfortable and wanted to change it up. He quickly gets up off me, and tells me to leave his house he doesn't want to see me. ???????????? I thought he was kidding after i spent an evening having fun with him and cooked dinner for him, but he was serious. I got up and left completely confused (and pissed) about the whole situation and how he completely disrespected me for such an absurd reason. The following day (yesterday) we end up talking on the phone and i tell him that i dont understand what happened and why he got so mad at me...that i was simply not comfortable and couldnt understand why he took this all so personally. HE told me that i "was not spontaneous enough" and that he was "turned off" by me. He told me i am a great girl, funny, smart, attractive..but that he won't deal with this. Now call me crazy, but is this a valid and normal reason to end things with someone so quickly when things were doing so well? I felt completely disrespected and quite upset by the whole situation and feel really weird about this whole sex things. I've NEVER had someone do this to me before, ever. Did i do something wrong? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 He sounds like he has a sexual hang-up. Like he expects sex to go off without a hitch and not have anyone request anything of him. He's wrong. A lot of times, you have to compromise about sex. One partner may like a position more than another one, so you switch it up, and do something different when something feels uncomfortable. I think his behaviour was totally immature and uncalled for. I wouldn't go out with this guy again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I think this is a risk when two people who don't know each other well have sex that early on - it's harder to communicate about what you want/like in bed when you don't know the other person well and if there is a problem often the reaction is to end things because it's not like you knew each other well to begin with so why put in the effort. I think he handled it in a jerky, rude way though. Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 You know what I find even more ridiculous than this?? d-bags like this guy getting dates and intimacy from women. It happens all the time. I have read such stories so many times I have lost count. Sorry, having a bad day. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Girlie - the boy has got some mad crazy sexual issues! He clearly has some serious performance anxiety, and when you asked for a position change, he took that to mean he was doing something wrong or sucked in bed. Be glad you're done with him. You did nothing wrong. Link to comment
Di84 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 thanks guys... I've been thinking about it non-stop and feel pretty weird about it all and obviously am a little insecure now that i did something wrong! HE told me that the next guy will feel the same way about me in bed!!!! So weird!!! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 When you meet someone who is available, it is always a good idea to question why that is. This guy is always going to be available because there is something way off about his behavior. Just know that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. I hope that you spend all your excellent cooking on someone who is deserving in the future. Don't take this weirdo personally..... Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know I would be mortified if a guy acted this way towards me. He told you to "shut up" in the middle of sex? That's a good way to end up with a Bobbitt situation! I would completely shrug this off and block him from every form of communication. This guy obviously has some big issues and I wouldn't take it personally. I mean, seriously, who does that? Also, the fact that in your first meeting he told you he was picky and yadda-yadda is a red flag. Take it as a learning experience and move way, WAY on. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 thanks guys... I've been thinking about it non-stop and feel pretty weird about it all and obviously am a little insecure now that i did something wrong! HE told me that the next guy will feel the same way about me in bed!!!! So weird!!! He said that?! Honey, be glad this happened now or he would've spent the rest of your relationship trying to break down your self esteem and try and put you on his level. Link to comment
Di84 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 oh yeah im definitely happy it happened now, without a doubt. He must have told me 5 times that i "turned him off"...... not cool. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 My guess is any sort of instruction/guiding bruises this guy's idea that he might be some sort of a sex god that instinctively knows how to please every woman he sleeps with the first time, and every time. I experienced one of these. Everytime I would move his hand, even say something like 'faster' or 'harder', he would sigh all disgruntledly and go "No, let me do it MY WAY". I kept trying non-verbal stuff, then more verbal stuff, then talking outside the bedroom...And it was just the same thing, everytime, his way(and his way didn't feel good at all). There was no talking to this guy because his ego could not handle anything. He also said it was a turn-off to be given advice since he doesn't need any, no other woman complained. Ok, bud. We're all the same, I guess. Those are HIS insecurities talking, loud and clear. Pay no mind to those comments. And yes, be glad you're done with him, he's seriously got to iron himself out. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Wow...he sounds very very controlling. Obviously the sex situation is extremely strange and his behavior is uncalled for. I also don't like that he invited you over, after that first bad experience, and told YOU to make HIM dinner. Who tells someone else to make them dinner like that? Especially so early on? Controlling! Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I am almost speechless. What a loon! Major insecurity, major complex about sex, and MAJOR lack of self-awareness. Also, there seems to be a theme today of guys acting like jerks and then trying to blame their behavior on whoever they were jerky to. And my GOD - PLEASE do not be insecure about your performance in bed after this. Total projection on his part. I can't even imagine. And wow, so when he told you to get out, you must have been naked or close to it at the time - just so, so disrespectful. Wish that when he told you that you turned him off, you would have said something like, "Oh, well, sorry. It's hard for me to be into it with a guy who sucks in bed." Jerk. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I am almost speechless. What a loon! Major insecurity, major complex about sex, and MAJOR lack of self-awareness. Also, there seems to be a theme today of guys acting like jerks and then trying to blame their behavior on whoever they were jerky to. And my GOD - PLEASE do not be insecure about your performance in bed after this. Total projection on his part. I can't even imagine. And wow, so when he told you to get out, you must have been naked or close to it at the time - just so, so disrespectful. Wish that when he told you that you turned him off, you would have said something like, "Oh, well, sorry. It's hard for me to be into it with a guy who sucks in bed." Jerk. I think on reflection that his behavior was way out of bounds -and I bet it had little to do with you two not knowing each other well. I don't think there is any general "theme" of men acting like jerks, thank goodness. I am sure you'll find someone who deserves you and deserves your cooking!! Link to comment
tmtex Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Wow. My guess is possibly a sexual frestration where he is concentrating on blowing his ........but needs or is only able to one way. He a girl with me say move here/switch that its hell yea baby whatever you want. Link to comment
ny guy Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Wow. My guess is possibly a sexual frestration where he is concentrating on blowing his ........but needs or is only able to one way. He a girl with me say move here/switch that its hell yea baby whatever you want. Yea pretty much whatever she wants until she's good to go....then my turn....lol I have no idea what would make him act like that, he almost sounds like a dangerous dude. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Ha, Batya - I think it's self-selecting. I'm in a "sick of jerks" mood today so I keep being attracted to posts like this one, but you're probably right - no general theme except in my head! : ) Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I have no idea what would make him act like that I do. He sounds like a guy with very limited experience who's watched way too much porn and spent too much time masturbating alone, so when a *gasp* real life girl gets thrown in the mix and *gasp* goes off-script, he has no clue how to react, since he hasn't rehearsed this. Basically, he can't sexually improv. lol Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 He said, "shut up". That would have had me out the door. Head high, you're far better off without this creep. Link to comment
Di84 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks for all your replies. Yes this guy was completely irrational with me and showed zero respect. To answer a question I read before, yes, he did ask me to leave his place while I was still undressed. I thought he was kidding in the moment and kinda laughed until i realized he was serious. As I walked out of the door i told him he was a complete jerk with zero class whatsoever.. The following day we spoke again and I basically told him he was super insecure bc if he weren't he would not have taken it personally when i simply asked him to (Excuse my language) f*ck me in a different way so it would feel better for me. Anyway, he called me childish for feeling this way and told me what I did was uncalled for. I can't make any logical sense here of this. Maybe I am too confident in bed and dont take things personally. I am not confident in bed in a cocky way at all dont get me wrong - I just know what feels good for me and what is uncomfortable and I voice it... and I would do the same for my partner. I had a moment where i wondered if there was something wrong with me sexually in bed because of this but i just brushed it off now and realized that most men who respect the woman they are with would listen attentively when they say to change something in bed and be glad to make them happy. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Ha - Awesome! Love that you put him in his place! Link to comment
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 A guy who can't deliver getting FREE dinner, what's next? He could have a problem keeping his erection, and every time you open your mouth he loses it, clearly it doesn't matter to him whether you are upside down or hitting your head against the wall, he is only interested in his own satisfaction. This sort of dysfunction can be very annoying and embarrassing for him, but since he is so arrogant, you two are not in a serious relationship and you are just an object for him, he is not going to discuss it with you "to make it work". At round 1, you should have realized this dude is "weird" aka violent, projecting his weak sexual performance insecurities at you. At round 2 he got more certain, and he assures you that the problem is YOU, and he won't be dealing with this problem (you) anymore. If you decide go to round 3, I recommend you write a letter first saying your good bye's to your dear ones. Link to comment
aminaSa Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 he doesnt sound normal in any way.. Link to comment
Di84 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 thanks everyone. I feeel much better about what happened now and am not questioning if i did anything wrong anymore! He clearly has issues... Glad it didn't work out so quickly! Link to comment
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