Met a girl at a Speed Dating event... she stopped responding suddenly :(

[SilverFactory]

After being so frustrated with Online Dating I was wondering how else I could meet women. Last Friday my friend (he is Chinese) said he is going to an Asian-American Speed Dating event and asked if I wanted to join him. I thought it will be a good idea and went along with him. During the event I noticed that I was the only non-Chinese guy. Everybody there were Chinese.. But I still spoke to the women and kept marking on my sheet the ones that I found interesting.

 

On Monday the organizers emailed me the results of the Speed Dating event and to my surprise one girl had chosen me. It was a mutual match. She was Chinese American. I felt happy and then emailed her and she responded back. We kept emailing back and forth around 5 to 6 times. Then she asked me if I had any plans for the long weekend and I said I had plans to travel but that did not pan out. I also asked her if she had any plans. She sent me this response:

 

"I do, but not travel plans. Those don't happen til closer to end of the yr. So I must save up. Sigh

 

Sorry to hear your plans didn't pan out. Guess you better have a backup plan now"

 

and I sent this reply:

 

"aww.. that's sweet of you. Thanks X

 

I have just postponed the trip for now.. will be going some time later this year.

 

I would like to come to the city during the weekend and take you out for a cup of coffee. Would you like to meet?"

 

and that was it. I did not hear back from her after that

 

I don't know if I did something wrong.. can some one please offer some insight? I am feeling very down.

[hangingout]

Maybe she got hit by a bus as soon as you sent that message?

Seriously, just text her back dude. She liked you, you liked her, you're looking for a date, maybe life just got in the way and now she thinks its awkward coz too much time has passed and you don't like her and yada yada yada...

Just send her a friendly 'hey, what's up. How about that coffee?' then if she doesn't reply to that then you know it's a definite 'no'

[SilverFactory]

Maybe she got hit by a bus as soon as you sent that message?

Seriously, just text her back dude. She liked you, you liked her, you're looking for a date, maybe life just got in the way and now she thinks its awkward coz too much time has passed and you don't like her and yada yada yada...

Just send her a friendly 'hey, what's up. How about that coffee?' then if she doesn't reply to that then you know it's a definite 'no'

 

I am not sure what you mean by "too much time has passed".

 

We met for the first time last Friday during the event. I sent the first email on Monday and till yesterday afternoon we were emailing back and forth. Then I asked for coffee and she went quiet.

[Deciduous]

Hi Redwood Shores,

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. There are a variety of reasons why people suddenly get an attack of the "cold feet"

 

a) They've just come out of a relationship and find they are less ready for a new one than they realised.

 

b) They eventually decide they're not feeling an connection

 

c) They wanna toss it over in their mind for a while.

 

 

I would imagine that its either a) or b) at this stage. This isn't about you, I promise. I get why you are disappointed. Things seem to be taking off for a moment there. However, she didn't really get to know you. It's not personal. Its her own personal circumstances that are holding her back.

 

Keep on going. Continue to get out there. Something will come good for you

 

Good luck

 

Deci

[Stay_home]

People are strange sometime and strange things sometime happen.

 

You could always send another text asking to meet and see what comes from it. It's not like you have anything to lose.

[Lavender25]

Wait, how long between when you asked her and now? Maybe she doesn't want to seem too eager?

[SilverFactory]

Thanks guys. The reason I felt like I did something wrong was because I asked her for coffee right after she said in her email "you better have a backup plan now". I was afraid she thought I made 'her' the back up plan and stopped responding.

[SilverFactory]

Wait, how long between when you asked her and now? Maybe she doesn't want to seem too eager?

 

We started emailing from Monday. She was responding pretty fast to my emails. Yesterday afternoon I asked her for coffee........ and no response from her after that.

[Lavender25]

We started emailing from Monday. She was responding pretty fast to my emails. Yesterday afternoon I asked her for coffee........ and no response from her after that.

 

I would give it a couple days more before thinking it was a lost cause. Don't stress too much over the "why's." You'll never know for sure.

[SilverFactory]

I have to tell you guys this... not sure how important it is though.

 

The friend that invited me to this event is a Chinese American. This girl is also Chinese American. My friend told me that he also got a message from the organizers that she had chosen him (she was 1 among 2 girls). Here is the thing though. In my case *I* wrote to her first after seeing the mutual match. In my friend's case *she* wrote to him first. He showed me the email that she had sent him and man... she is really into him. The email was long, funny, flirty, and ended with 'hope to hear back from you'. But my friend is not interested in her and he never bothered to respond.

 

The email responses I have been getting from her is nothing like the one she sent him. They are just... normal responses.

[chitown9]

I have to tell you guys this... not sure how important it is though.

 

The friend that invited me to this event is a Chinese American. This girl is also Chinese American. My friend told me that he also got a message from the organizers that she had chosen him (she was 1 among 2 girls). Here is the thing though. In my case *I* wrote to her first after seeing the mutual match. In my friend's case *she* wrote to him first. He showed me the email that she had sent him and man... she is really into him. The email was long, funny, flirty, and ended with 'hope to hear back from you'. But my friend is not interested in her and he never bothered to respond.

 

The email responses I have been getting from her is nothing like the one she sent him. They are just... normal responses.

 

I would give up on it then....

[SilverFactory]

I would give up on it then....

 

Honestly that's what I also felt... it is almost like I am her second choice. Not that I got a date but still...

[happyfrank]

It seemes that she wasn't into you and more in getting to know your friend. Just move on.

[SilverFactory]

It seemes that she wan't that into you and more into your friend. Just move on.

 

Fair enough. But I don't understand why she responded to my messages if that was the case.. argghhhhh

[Lavender25]

That was a really important point to leave out.

 

I think you already know the answer here.

 

 

I have to tell you guys this... not sure how important it is though.

 

The friend that invited me to this event is a Chinese American. This girl is also Chinese American. My friend told me that he also got a message from the organizers that she had chosen him (she was 1 among 2 girls). Here is the thing though. In my case *I* wrote to her first after seeing the mutual match. In my friend's case *she* wrote to him first. He showed me the email that she had sent him and man... she is really into him. The email was long, funny, flirty, and ended with 'hope to hear back from you'. But my friend is not interested in her and he never bothered to respond.

 

The email responses I have been getting from her is nothing like the one she sent him. They are just... normal responses.

[Lavender25]

Fair enough. But I don't understand why she responded to my messages if that was the case.. argghhhhh

 

That being said, what would your reaction be if she didn't respond to your messages at all? I think you'd be just as upset. "Why did she mark that she was interested in me and now won't respond?"

 

My guess is that she saw something in you she thought she might like, was feeling you out, and then decided that she wasn't as interested as she thought she was. Rejection always hurts but be thankful it happened this soon rather than months down the road. I've been down that path and it's not pretty.

[SilverFactory]

That was a really important point to leave out.

 

I think you already know the answer here.

 

Thanks Lavender.

 

I also chose her and some other women. My friend also chose her and some other women. Apparently this girl also has chosen me and my friend and most likely other guys too. Her interest in my friend was revealed to me yesterday afternoon when I met him for lunch. He ended up showing the email she had sent to him. By that time me and her had already exchanged 5 to 6 emails. After I saw her email to him I kinda panicked and asked her for coffee. She went quiet after that.

 

My confusion is - why would she keep responding to me if she is so interested in my friend?

[happyfrank]

This doesn't seem like nice way to meet people. Just so you can have closer. have your friend send e-mail stating something random. If she responds right away. You will know she wasn't feeling you.

 

why would she keep responding to me if she is so interested in my friend?

 

I think she is just having fun with the sudden attention she just received.

[Lavender25]

Thanks Lavender.

 

I also chose her and some other women. My friend also chose her and some other women. Apparently this girl also has chosen me and my friend and most likely other guys too. Her interest in my friend was revealed to me yesterday afternoon when I met him for lunch. He ended up showing the email she had sent to him. By that time me and her had already exchanged 5 to 6 emails. After I saw her email to him I kinda panicked and asked her for coffee. She went quiet after that.

 

My confusion is - why would she keep responding to me if she is so interested in my friend?

 

Maybe she liked the attention? I don't think that really matters. I would focus my energy on those other girls and see if something pans out.

[SilverFactory]

[/b][/b][/b]

 

Maybe she liked the attention? I don't think that really matters. I would focus my energy on those other girls and see if something pans out.

 

Could be. She really liked my friend. He did not respond to her. At the same time she receives an email from me. She might have liked the attention and kept at it until I asked her out.

[chitown9]

 

My confusion is - why would she keep responding to me if she is so interested in my friend?

 

Maybe you were her backup plan.....

[Lavender25]

This doesn't seem like nice way to meet people. Just so you can have closer. have your friend send e-mail stating something random. If she responds right away. You will know she wasn't feeling you.

 

why would she keep responding to me if she is so interested in my friend?

 

I think she is just having fun with the sudden attention she just received.

 

I wouldn't have the friend contact her. He said he wasn't interested in her. Having him contact her when he isn't interested just sounds like a big game and it will just start the same sort of situation all over again where she is on the rejection end. Leave it be.

 

Redwood - I don't know if you're going to have a lot of luck with these other women because of the kind of event it was. Was this hosted by some sort of Chinese-American organization? You might get a lot of nibbles from women who aren't looking for a serious relationship. My experience with situations like this is that they are looking to have a serious relationship with someone that shares their background/culture.

[SilverFactory]

I wouldn't have the friend contact her. He said he wasn't interested in her. Having him contact her when he isn't interested just sounds like a big game and it will just start the same sort of situation all over again where she is on the rejection end. Leave it be.

 

Redwood - I don't know if you're going to have a lot of luck with these other women because of the kind of event it was. Was this hosted by some sort of Chinese-American organization? You might get a lot of nibbles from women who aren't looking for a serious relationship. My experience with situations like this is that they are looking to have a serious relationship with someone that shares their background/culture.

 

I agree. That's why I was even surprised this one girl selected me (she was the only one that selected me). I was a bit excited when we started exchanging emails.... only for her to just disappear.

 

I just don't know what I should do any more to meet women. I am in my mid thirties... I got nothing out of online dating... went to some night clubs and women there were either with their boyfriends or a group of girlfriends. The music was blaring and it was so difficult to even talk to girls there... I did approach some of them and got shot down. Then I went to this speed dating event... sigh.

 

My self-esteem is sky high now

[Lavender25]

I agree. That's why I was even surprised this one girl selected me (she was the only one that selected me). I was a bit excited when we started exchanging emails.... only for her to just disappear.

 

I just don't know what I should do any more to meet women. I am in my mid thirties... I got nothing out of online dating... went to some night clubs and women there were either with their boyfriends or a group of girlfriends. The music was blaring and it was so difficult to even talk to girls there... I did approach some of them and got shot down. Then I went to this speed dating event... sigh.

 

My self-esteem is sky high now

 

Don't let this get you down.

 

Why don't you try and meet someone through your hobbies? Have you tried those city meet-ups? I haven't had luck with online dating and probably won't try it again. I also won't go to bars to meet anyone. I like the studious, artistic types so I usually end up meeting men at coffee shops, art galleries or local music shows.

[SilverFactory]

Don't let this get you down.

 

Why don't you try and meet someone through your hobbies? Have you tried those city meet-ups? I haven't had luck with online dating and probably won't try it again. I also won't go to bars to meet anyone. I like the studious, artistic types so I usually end up meeting men at coffee shops, art galleries or local music shows.

 

What is "city meet-ups"? I haven't tried it yet.

 

How exactly do you meet people at coffee shops, art galleries or local music shows? They will be total strangers right? Women usually do not respond well to strangers.