Mixed Signals From Ex

[Gladewalker]

Hello, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. Her reasons for breaking up was that we were too similar and incompatible, and that she wanted to work on herself. She says that I'm still her best friend and she has even said I'm her "favorite person." Upon breaking up, I tried to take the route of being her best friend. We still talked and hung out on a fairly daily basis, but I found it hard to stay emotionally stable while hanging out with her because I wanted more than just a friendship. My problem is that it seems like she wants more, and may be just confused with what she wants. She has made it clear that she does not want to get back together at this time, and perhaps forever, but she still does things that make me wonder. Some examples:

 

- When we are hanging out and having a good time, she'll look into my eyes for 5 seconds and then sigh happily (something she did when we were together and she was in a lovey state)

- If I try to initiate no contact for a couple of days, she always tries to get into contact with me, but in more discrete ways. (She will text me asking how I'm doing, if I'm ok, wishing me well during the day, etc).

- She can be very hot and cold.... some days she will want to hang out for hours on end, others we will start hanging out and she will quickly make up and excuse to leave.

- She still tells me all of her problems/asks me for help with things. (I know this may be normal since I was that person for her throughout the relationship).

 

We were together for 5 months, and I truly still do love her. I thought she was the one for me, we were very compatible and shared a lot of common interests. I realize where I was in the wrong due to the fact that I probably smothered her a bit too much and it is something that I am working on fixing. My real question is what do you all think she is doing, do you think she still is thinking about the possibility of getting back together with me, or am I just misreading all of these signals. Like I said, if given the chance I would definitely get back together with her, but I don't want to take things the wrong way and make things worse.

 

Any advice on how to handle this situation would be appreciated.

 

Thanks again

[jjcool00]

Her reasons for breaking up was that we were too similar and incompatible, and that she wanted to work on herself.

 

I realize where I was in the wrong due to the fact that I probably smothered her a bit too much and it is something that I am working on fixing.

 

Ok so the first thing I'll say is I dont understand the first part? too similar and incompatible? doesnt make sense to me. However, if she has stated she wants to be alone and you know you smothered her don't you think its best to just give her some space? She's made it clear she needs space, you've made it clear you need to give her space, yet you're still very actively trying to be a part of her life. The space will be good for the both of you, trust me. Let her realize you can actually back off, focus on yourself, improve whatever you think you need to improve in your own life and that you don't NEED her. I would give her space, go no contact or limited contact let her breath, do some mental exercises for yourself and after a couple of weeks/months see what happens.

[Gladewalker]

Yeah I don't exactly understand her reasoning either. She says we are too alike and that makes us incompatible. She says that being with me is like looking at herself in a mirror and that she doesn't like it.

[Gladewalker]

I'm just still confused with how often she contacts me if she doesn't hear from me. If I don't contact her for an entire day, I'll get text messages once every few hours the next day asking if I'm ok, what I'm up to, etc. It confuses me.

[jjcool00]

Because she is solidifying her reasoning for breaking up with you. She wants to know your miserable without her and that you NEED her and without her you're lost and desolate. It makes her realize shes made the right decision cutting a needy "weight" off her back. You can either ignore her or when you do respond, respond by saying your happy and act like you just won a superbowl (im going to the gym, possibly getting a promotion at work because ive been doing so well, taking dancing lessons, going on a cruise) etc. Make it seem like you don't need her at all to be happy and this will increase her attraction towards you.

 

Can I ask you something honestly?? Did you agree with her opinions and say you liked things, or did things you didnt like because she liked them?

[SeekFortitude]

 

 

 

 

 

Bro, see these 2 links. It pretty much sums up what you should do.

 

My advice. Tell her you want more than best friends and that you want to be in a proper relationship with her. If she does not want to do this then walk away. Its over. Time to start "No Contact"--the ONLY method for moving on.

[Hollyj]

She is totally string you along and using you for an ego stroke. She likes the attention of a relationship w/o the responsibility.

 

She clearly said she doesn't want a relationship with you, yet continues to screw with your head. You CANNOT be friends with someone you have feeling for. Go NC-not LC- and heal, as this girl will continue to play games with you heart.

[Gladewalker]

We honestly just enjoyed a lot of the same things together, and we were very similar, and I honestly enjoyed that a lot, and it's a big reason why I love her so much. I just think that she wants someone who is stable and dependable and I was a bit too emotional throughout the relationship, so it's something that I am going to work on for myself since I know no one likes a needy/clingy partner.

[SeekFortitude]

respond by saying your happy and act like you just won a superbowl (im going to the gym, possibly getting a promotion at work because ive been doing so well, taking dancing lessons, going on a cruise) etc. Make it seem like you don't need her at all to be happy and this will increase her attraction towards you.

 

Don't play games. You will lose and its a waste of time. You either ignore her and disappear with no contact or you tell her that you cannot continue this. You say "look, I clearly want a relationship and you don't, so I think its best if we do not contact each other anymore. Its time for us to move on. Goodbye."

[Hollyj]

Don't play games. You will lose and its a waste of time. You either ignore her and disappear with no contact or you tell her that you cannot continue this. You say "look, I clearly want a relationship and you don't, so I think its best if we do not contact each other anymore. Its time for us to move on. Goodbye."

 

I agree! You only hurt yourself by staying in contact.

[SeekFortitude]

She is totally string you along and using you for an ego stroke. She likes the attention of a relationship w/o the responsibility.

 

She clearly said she doesn't want a relationship with you, yet continues to screw with your head. You CANNOT be friends with someone you have feeling for. Go NC-not LC- and heal, as this girl will continue to play games with you heart.

 

Well said Hollyj.

[Gladewalker]

So I just texted her saying "You probably aren't going to be hearing from me for a while. So take care and enjoy your life" and she responded with "So you're not going to be talking to me for a bit?."

 

Should I respond or just leave it?

[Hollyj]

Go NC!!!!!!!

[Gladewalker]

Just wasn't sure if I should say something along the lines of "I love you very much and you know that, you know where you can find me if anything changes."

[Hollyj]

No, No, No!!! You're only reinforcing why she broke up with you. Hon, you're looking weak and needy!

 

I wish you had said: It hurts me to remain friends; therefore, I need to go NC to move on with my life. You have left things very ambiguous, by wishing her a good life but, that you would not talk for a while. Doesn't make sense. It doesn't sound like you're serious and looking out for your best interests but, remain putty in her hands.

[SeekFortitude]

No need. She knows how you feel. I would not respond, but if you want to be clear with her and make her understand 100% what you mean, you can say "it will be a long time before we speak again and I do not want you contacting me again after this text." Goodbye.

 

But, Gladewalker, make sure you mean it and stick to it. This is not a game. This is for you to heal from the damage of being dumped and to move on. You must be in this for the long-haul.

[SeekFortitude]

Just wasn't sure if I should say something along the lines of "I love you very much and you know that, you know where you can find me if anything changes."

 

 

Oh god no!!! DO NOT SAY THIS!

[SeekFortitude]

I wish you had said: It hurts me to remain friends; therefore, I need to go NC to move on with my life. You have left things very ambiguous, by wishing her a good life but, that you would not talk for a while. Doesn't make sense. It doesn't sound like you're serious and looking out for your best interests but, remain putty in her hands.

 

Agree with Hollyj. No conviction in what you said. Take what she wrote and part of mine and send it and be CLEAR. Then end it on this last text. OVER!