More children?

[SamiJayne]

Well our little boy is 2 in october!

I want another baby, but I am too blooming scared to go through it again. If pregnancy was a rabbits pregnancy I'd give it more thought.. as 28 days is barable! But 9 months is not.

I have already have 2 miscarriages, and lost my daughter, I've only got my little boy.

I would be so happy to have more children, I want a house full. I want them running around causing havok, I have so much love and so many cuddles to give.

We were thinking of adoption or fostering, but my mother in law put her ore in and my husbands gone from yes too an I don't know.

So now I'm having to rethink pregnancy if I want more kids. as I really think the mother in law will say more to my husband against the idea.

I don't want to have to go through 9 months of wondering if the babies going to die. Bens pregnancy was hell, I had to have scans every 2 weeks, it was easy enough on my own but now I have a 2 year old... Is it fair for him? I have to go for fetal heart checks inbetween the scans, weekly swabs for infection, blood pressure, blood tests, and I'd have to go through it all again if I were to have another.

And then if/when the baby survives I am high risk for PND, according to my doctor.

And talking of my doctor he seems very happy for us to try again, and says that I know the signs of PND and if I came back to him he'd have me back on tablets, and he even offered to send me to a phycaratist to give me a mild medication to get me through the pregnancy.

But I really don't know. All i think about is another baby.

But I feel like the risks are too great, I don't think I'd survive another loss.

After our daughter died (before Ben) I became very unstable and did take an overdose, however I became more stable when pregnant with Ben, and I was on a high dose of anti depressent until earlier this year. And am now feeling more level headed! I finally feel the clouds have been lifted from my head!

I fear going back to that place, I fear that my son may not be enough to keep me from wanting to die if I were to lose another child. I don't want my son to look at me and think I don't love him, or for him to think he wasn't enough.

[chitown9]

sorry. I don't know what PND is?

 

But in regards, to your concern...I think it is a little early to have another baby right now anyway, considering everything you have been through? You might feel that you can cope with it better in another year, for example....

[Seraphim]

Maybe sit down with your partner and weigh all the pros and cons, Sami? Like you I always wanted and loved kids. Sometimes it is not in the cards, like for me. You never know, you might have more kids though. I know it is scary when you have had children die though, it makes you so terrified to try again even when you most want to.

 

Adoption might be a lovely idea for you. You do not have to go through pregnancy, have the chance of depression later and worry if the child will die. It seems like a good idea for you, you get another child with less stress getting there and a child gets a lovely home.

[SamiJayne]

PND - Post natal depression

 

We've had several chats about another baby etc. He is still unsure on adoption, so thats a no go at the moment until he changes his mind.

But we shall have another chat tonight hopefully! after our little mr goes to bed.

 

It's just a daily thought now, several times I've thought stuff the risks I'll do it. But common sense brings me back around..

 

Victoria, sorry to see that you've lost another baby, I'm thinking of you and your husband/partner. I hope that we both get to feel the joy again of a healthy pregnancy and child =( My heart goes out to you xxx

[Seraphim]

Hey Sami,

 

Do you know why he is not keen on adoption? It just sounds so ideal for your situation.

 

I really hope you have another Sami by whatever means! You are in my thoughts too!

[SamiJayne]

He was fine with it at first.

Then his mum started telling us about her friends who've adopted, and say its the worst thing they've ever done. That the children are so ungrateful etc

Which is unlucky for them, but if they've got that attitude I really feel for the kids! As if its not hard enough to be adopted already! without having grumpy ungrateful parents adopting you.

 

Here in the UK the wait time is 3-10 years, for a baby. As no one wants to give babies up for adoption, the government make it way too easy for people to pop a kid out now. Free medical care, money per child, and they get to sit at home on there butts all day!

But if we were happy to have a 3 year old or older, the wait time drops. and if we dont mind disabilities we probably get one within the year.

We can only go for a baby at the moment, as Ben has to be 2 years older than the adopted child.

Also the real parents can have contact, which my partner is very unsure about. And other realatives can have contact etc. For example one child I looked in too, I had to be willing to drive to London to visit his mum and dad on separate occasions once a month for each, (about 2 hrs drive) and write to an aunt and uncle and grandparents on both sides every year.

It doesn't bother me, more family the better. And I had a really rubbish mother, so I kinda adopted two other women as mums, so having more than one mum is not a bad thing IMO.

 

My partner doesn't want a child with disabilities, I'm not bothered. I'd prefer a healthy child, but I am happy with any child if I'm honest. As it'll be me doing 90% of the work.

My partner doesn't want the childs parents/family to have contact, which makes adopting a child harder. As we'd have to wait until parents didnt want contact with a child came along.

Plus Sophie dying is an issue with some adopting agencies, and pets are an issue. My friend (who lost a child too) was turned down as her dogs failed the phych test... There really old dogs, rarely move...

 

Lots of issues for my partner. He would probably be more willing to foster, but then the child wouldn't be mine, and I'd have to say goodbye. But if I cant have my own or adopt then fostering is the next best thing.

[anya1607307555]

Have you considered surrogacy, Sami?

[SamiJayne]

Yes I did look in to that. As before losing my daughter, it was something I wanted to do myself, as I'm extreamly fertile... my husband looks at me and I get knocked up. It's a beautiful thing, that women are willing to give up there bodies for 9 months to make others parents. It's amazing.

But it's very expensive. In the UK it'll cost 7k-15k depending on situations, traveling costs etc.

Lot of pennies! As much as I want a child, I don't think I could convince my husband to take that chunk out of our savings, when he could be putting it towards the morgage each year.

He used to understand and agree with me that going through a pregnancy was too much for us both. But he's since changed his tune, and sees it as the only option he's willing to do.

But I am only 26, I still have a while to twist his arm or something.

[Fudgie]

I agree with Vic. Adoption may be a wonderful idea for you. You want to have a child badly but don't want to go through pregnancy. With adoption, you can skip the pregnancy part, that's for sure.

 

But if that's not an option, I would talk to your partner and go to your doctor and see what you can do about pregnancy to try and make it better.