Hurt and Confused

[JulesK]

I broke up with my boyfriend almost a week ago we have a long distance relationship and he told me that he could only give me an hour of voice or video chat, but yet he would want to type on yahoo to talk to me, his reasoning was he is on the phone all day at work. So I got upset with him, because I had already told him the things that hurt me and he did just enough to try to make them right, but never put all he had into it. I want him back I know that sounds strange. He hasn't been trying to talk to me that much and he said did you really expect me to chase you and I woke up to a message on fb with him telling me, I'm sorry I just need time away it doesn't mean I don't love you or want you. And he left me a song by Hart and Bonamassa- I'll Take Care of You. about how he will take care of me and he knows I have been hurt before, which I thought was ironic seeing as how that is why I broke up with him he kept hurting my feelings. I do not understand this, and where to go from here. What does he mean he is sorry he just needs time away, but that doesn't mean he don't love me or want me. None of this makes sense to me. I do not know what I should do, How to answer or respond, or what to do. Thank you in advance for any responses or any light you can shed on this situation.

[nuttybuddy]

I think he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the freedom away from you to look for other girls out there. But he also wants to keep you hanging around just in case he doesn't find anyone so he can "settle" for you.

 

Move on! He's not worth your energy or your love. You deserve better. After you move on, he'll get scared that he really lost you and may try to crawl back into your life. But don't let that happen. You need a MAN who will treat you right.

[JulesK]

I thought that same thing, I have been told for awhile now. That he didn't seem to be that into me, and I deserved better. I never listened, because I love him so much. I guess I just didn't want to see it. I guess the truth really does hurt, I need to face the facts that he didn't really love me. I guess the hardest part is letting go and moving on. So do I respond to his message or just ignore it?

[mhowe]

Hold on a minute folks. You broke up with him --- as a ploy. He isn't wanting his cake and eating it too --- he is taking advantage of the door you gave him. You walk away and find someone who wants to be in a relationship.

[JulesK]

I broke up with him because he disrespected me, he treated me as if I should be at his beck and call. He only wanted to talk to me when it was convenient for him. I talked to him over and over about this. So when he said an hour was more than enough to see and talk to his long distance girlfriend, that hurt. And out of being hurt I broke it off. I felt like an option instead of a priority. He also had a history of being a womanizer, but I overlooked that. Because it was all hearsay. Now I am not so sure it was. When I tried to sort it out with him, he said I am not doing this with you now, or I am going to go I have a headache. And then last night he said, you broke it off, he knew why. And he said, did you really think I would chase you? And I woke up to that this morning about needing time, but it didn't mean he didn't love or want me. And that song. So my question is, what do I do now? If he wants his cake and to eat it too, I walk away and say nothing? Or do I try to talk to him? This is so confusing.

[mhowe]

He doesn't want to be in a relationship. Add to that, you are LD --- and he doesn't have to nor want to put in much effort. He's throwing crumbs to see if you stay around, but he isn't going to chase you. He's treated you badly, as a option ---- and you want to hang around for what? Ignore him --- cut all contact and get on with your life. You need to make you a priority.

[JulesK]

Thank you so much for both of your replies, everything you say rings true. I just need to let go, begin the healing process and move on.

[DN]

Do you mean an hour a day? Every day?

[JulesK]

Yes an hour a day every day, he said that was all he could give me, on a video or voice chat. His reasoning was he is on the phone all day. But yet he was okay with typing half the night on yahoo. It made no sense to me.

[JulesK]

So I did what I said I wouldn't do I contacted him back, and then I sent him a song. And of course he didn't respond back. Why am I doing this, I do not understand why I keep trying to hold on to him. When he doesn't want me too. He only wants to talk to me when it is convenient for him. It seems like he may have someone else, because he isn't trying to talk to me at all. I just want to fast forward through this and be myself again.

[DN]

I too would have a hard time talking for more than an hour with someone on video or voice chat but can easily spend time chatting on the computer because you can do other things at the same time. I think you are expecting too much.

[JulesK]

Well I don't think that is asking to much, when you can't see each other. If you have things to do you can excuse yourself to do them and make plans to talk again later. And also you can still do your other things you want to do on the computer while talking. I guess everyone has a difference of opinion, but if someone was that into you, an hour would not be enough. Especially when you are in different places.

[nuttybuddy]

Yea, i don't think an hour is asking too much because when you love someone, an hour is not even enough. But video chatting does hold you down a bit from doing anything else. I wouldn't put a time limit cuz that seems a bit like a chore. But WANTING to chat or video chat or talk or text everyday should be normal.

 

So far, if the guy says things like what he's said to you, that does not sound like a healthy relationship. If YOU'RE THE ONE there is NO DOUBT he will chase after you. Why wouldn't he? But if he saying he wouldn't chase after you, that's heart breaking. Move on. You know he's not in love with you. Unfortunately, you've fallen in love with him.

[DN]

Well I don't think that is asking to much, when you can't see each other. If you have things to do you can excuse yourself to do them and make plans to talk again later. And also you can still do your other things you want to do on the computer while talking. I guess everyone has a difference of opinion, but if someone was that into you, an hour would not be enough. Especially when you are in different places.

But it was too much for him. And it is really unfair to say 'if someone was into you and hour would not be enough' because that is not respectful of him. Suppose he wanted six hours a day and that was too much for you? Would you appreciate him saying 'if you were into me it wouldn't be enough? You don't get to set time limits for other people and criticise them because they are not the same as yours.

 

I think you should re-think your demands.