Happy and sad at the same time??

[sonicfan287]

My story is very long and confusing but my girlfriend meant the world to me and still does (although not quite as much). I met her in 2009 and we dated for 6 months before she broke my heart (the first time) and said she was losing feelings for me. Besides that vague reasoning, I really don't know why we broke up. She just wasn't 'feeling a spark' anymore. I'm prone to anxiety and panic attacks but not all the time, however the anxiety from that breakup made me into a nutcase for that summer (this was last summer) and most of the fall. I actually scared her off by bothering her too much and doing everything possible wrong.

 

However, in November of last year, we got back together. She called me out of the blue and said she missed me and just wanted to talk. I tried not to get my hopes up, but sure enough she did want to pursue a second relationship with me and things were going great. My anxiety vanished and things went well for about 8 months. Then about a couple months ago, I started feeling anxious again, more than I ever had, but we were still together... but my panic attacks were becoming too much for her to handle. I'm talking, we'd be alone in her room and I'd just start freaking out for no reason. She finally convinced me to go to therapy, she said it would help our relationship, so we went together and I was prescribed some meds to help and they did, or at least they have now. This was all a month ago. The last time I saw her, I did have a small panic attack but it was better than usual. She told me that we'd work through this together.... well, I guess not, because that weekend, we broke up.

 

She called me and said that basically she wasn't happy being with me, she wouldn't mind being friends but she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore. I was crushed at that point but surprisingly I got myself in check pretty quickly. I'm making significant improvements on myself and thats why Im happy but Im sad because she's not there to see them and she's a huge reason why I made them in the first place. I loved her dearly and still do, but she just wants to be 'friends' and even though I'm in a better emotional frame of mind, I still can't handle that, at least not now. I feel like we should still be together, hence the sadness, which I repress everyday, because if I get stuck in depression, it'll only ruin the progress I've made... someone please help me...

[mhowe]

You need to keep working on yourself. You are not emotionally stable enough at this point to be in a relationship. Beyound med, are you in therapy? You need to make the changes for yourself, not for her. And it is expecting an awful lot for her to walk you through this whole thing. Don't you want to come back to the table happy and healthy?

[ForumGuy]

Being friends with her is the best way she is going to see your changes. Of course this is a double edged sword if se decides to move on. It is a risk only you can decide whether to make or not. Your other choice is to remove her from your life and move on to other women who will appreciate the new you.

[nuttybuddy]

Why is she the center of your life? Stop focusing on her and start focusing on yourself. You made some significant progress but you say that the reason was FOR HER. No dude. Do it FOR YOU.

[sonicfan287]

Im trying to do it for me but thats always in the back of my mind and you're right that I should return to a healthy state before seeking a relationship but I really love her and don't want her to slip away while I'm making these improvements. I also understand the "double edged" sword theory which is why besides calling her once last week, I've been out of contact for now.