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Girlfriend broke up with me after 2 1/2 years... am I doing the right thing?


vel2011

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I guess when I really think about what I miss the most, it is more physical. Not just the sex but waking up next to her, having that person you’re close to on nights out, chilling out together watching a movie on Sunday nights etc. But I also massively miss being the person she’d always call with a problem or for advice and having her there for me too and all the funny little things that come from having a long term connection with someone.

 

The thing that really still eats me up is the regret over losing my independence and becoming too reliant on her for my happiness, but feeling like she gave up rather than wanting to work through a period where I was maybe stuck in a rut – something that I think inevitably happens from time to time in long term relationships. It was too easy to fall into that pattern as her family have homes all over the world and I was trying to save some money over the last few months we were together so I ended up not really doing things on my own with my friends and settling for just lazy weekends with her and assuming any trips abroad / different experiences would come directly from her agenda.

 

She ultimately lost attraction because I lost myself a bit and had made my life revolve around her, but I think that she also has to take some blame for that as she didn’t voice her concerns and just accepted us not doing as many fun things as we used to. But then I guess it falls more on the man to lead. I just hate the idea of her thinking ‘he became boring, he doesn’t actually get out and see friends much etc etc’, although she did say he only looks back on our relationship and remembers fun times. It means I am fighting an urge though to let her know that I realise all this and I wasn’t happy with how I was going about life!

 

At the end of the day, I respect and understand her decision and I genuinely want her to be happy. I had an amazing time with her, she and this BU has taught me a hell of a lot and I think she has a lot of growing up and learning to do. She was 22 when we met and always protecting herself from fully committing to someone for the rest of her life at such a young age, and when the honeymoon stage ended and the relationship needed some work from both sides, she ended it because she thinks there may be something better out there and she wants to experience that freedom and excitement again. I don’t blame her for that – I honestly think if we’d met 5 years later things would be different, but that’s why love is not enough and relationships are very much about timing too.

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Yeah, it's a sad thing. People lose attraction because they don't see themself in another anymore. Look man... in todays world is attraction and gender role really important? Yeah it is, and if that's what you want... that's what you're going to get. That's the status quo. That's something we've created. Want to know something funny? Women are more powerful than men in their true nature. Study a pride of lions. That's animalistic love at it's finest. The lioness understands it more than the male does. That's why they are more powerful. Just work on yourself, depend on yourself for happiness, and honestly if you do that... You'll find someone much better.

 

True love recognizes yourself in another person. It does not care about physical attraction. Honest man... I've never seen someone in love like this personally. None of my friends have a clue what love is. That doesn't make me better. Hell I'm not completely sure what it is yet. If I was, I wouldn't be here on this earth, but I think I have a better idea or understanding than most people, especially the ones in my personal life. It has taken me my life to search for the meaning of what love is. It's starting to uncover itself neatly in front of my eyes and in my self. I can feel it inside. I mean literally, I can feel it. It's like I'm in love with myself, like when you would meet another person you're sexually attracted to for the first time. You know the feeling, well I feel it daily, with just me, myself, being single. It's taken me 7 months. 7 long hard monts to get here, but it's starting to pay off a lot.

 

I can go on and on about attraction, and how to attract someone back... and how to get laid by 100's of women. All that physical attraction is going to do... is turn you into don juan. Don Juan never found true love. But you know what... what will you say when you die and you've seen everything you've done from a perspective of love? You'll see how that was all completely wrong to not only yourself but the other people. Then it will probably happen 1000 more times... because if you believe we've only been here once... well then... that's your choice.

 

Read this chapter... hell read the whole book if you want.

 

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The other thing I think Endy is that, as you say, for relationships to be successful both people have to love themselves, have had the relevant experience and growth and be happy with life. But it works both ways, so I should really stop blaming myself entirely...

 

Looking back, throughout our relationship my ex was often down / depressed about life - she hadn;t found a job / career she enjoyed, she was constantly in limbo about where she wanted to be living (England or abroad where she grew up) and she was always just seeking constant 'fun' from a relationship. Therefore maybe it was never going to last because until she is really happy and settled with her life and knows exactly who she is and what she wants, she won't be ready to commit to anyone. Perfectly normal for a girl in her early to mid 20's.

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The other thing I think Endy is that, as you say, for relationships to be successful both people have to love themselves, have had the relevant experience and growth and be happy with life. But it works both ways, so I should really stop blaming myself entirely...

 

Looking back, throughout our relationship my ex was often down / depressed about life - she hadn;t found a job / career she enjoyed, she was constantly in limbo about where she wanted to be living (England or abroad where she grew up) and she was always just seeking constant 'fun' from a relationship. Therefore maybe it was never going to last because until she is really happy and settled with her life and knows exactly who she is and what she wants, she won't be ready to commit to anyone. Perfectly normal for a girl in her early to mid 20's.

 

That makes a lot of sense. Actually I think it's more normal now for people not to jump into marriage, get married, and have children later in life now. At least it should be, because they understand more. Not only is it wiser, it's just better because you yourself would have experienced more.

 

Life is ever evolving and changing. So are people, and everything else in the world. A lot of people are depressed, but when they can't work through it without medicine (which in my mind makes it worse) they are fighting it. We have all gotten away from our mind, body, and spirit. We have all began functioning for the material, for the riches, for what is going to make people happy temporarily and it ruins people. It causes a lot of pain and suffering. Why do you think famous people kill themselves? They abuse their bodies, they abuse their spirit.

 

You are on your way to something better. Also no, for a relationship to be successful both people do not have to love themselves. Define what success is, and what you believe is what you shall have. Success could be marriage, and some feeling you think is love... or you could love yourself whole and completely, and probably have something much greater than that.

 

My parents are still married. But I know that neither of them loves themselves. They are depressed because the way they look. Or because they don't have people they lost. There's all sorts of reasons and all of them are emotional. They examine their emotions, but they don't examine where they really come from. There is a balance that must take place for you to understand your emotions. So... It depends on what you want. Do you want the status-quo life? You know the one that all your friends are in. How great that person was when they first met each other, but now all they do is * * * * * and complain about them when they aren't around?

 

Or do you want something greater than that? Just be honest with yourself. Examine her for who she really is. Do you think she's growing like you right now? No, probably not. So do you think you're going to attract her back? Dude, you're going to fly past the point to where every girl wants you because you're honest and you have something they can't explain.

 

Like attracts like. You love yourself the best damn way you can. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you. Don't ever let anyone tell you different either. Learn from the experience. If she comes back, she does, but I would work on that first, and always.

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  • 6 years later...

I know this thread is from 7 years ago now but I just went through the same thing was with her for 2 years had my first sexual experiences with her had so much fun in those two years but we had broken up and had no contact for 3 months she came back I took her back cuz I was still very much in love with her but she took a trip after only being back together for 2 weeks we got into an argument and when she got back I tried contacting her and all I got was a text that said yes it’s over I was just wondering how are you doing now man it’s been 7 years I just wanna know when you finally overcame everything and to see how your doing in life after such an emotional break up I know I’m still pretty young I’m just now turning 22 and know there’s still more todo and just wanna hear from somebody who went through something similar some advice is greatly appreciated

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I know this thread is from 7 years ago now but I just went through the same thing was with her for 2 years had my first sexual experiences with her had so much fun in those two years but we had broken up and had no contact for 3 months she came back I took her back cuz I was still very much in love with her but she took a trip after only being back together for 2 weeks we got into an argument and when she got back I tried contacting her and all I got was a text that said yes it’s over I was just wondering how are you doing now man it’s been 7 years I just wanna know when you finally overcame everything and to see how your doing in life after such an emotional break up I know I’m still pretty young I’m just now turning 22 and know there’s still more todo and just wanna hear from somebody who went through something similar some advice is greatly appreciated

 

I4l2a6: Please start your own thread, as this thread is 7 years old and it gets too confusing. Thanks.

 

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