vel2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 My girlfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me a month ago and I would really appreciate any advice people can give me on here. She is 24 and I am 26 and we have had the most amazing fun throughout our relationship... we never had any serious arguments and had talked of living together, marriage etc in the future. A month or so ago, she went on holiday with some friends, had loads of fun and came back and said 'we need to talk...' She basically said that it didn't feel right anymore and she wants to break up. This was pretty out of the blue – before she went away we had spent an amazing weekend together and she had told me how much she loves me and wished I was going on the trip with her. We met and talked all day a month ago and she said she wants to be fully honest and leave nothing unsaid. When I asked her for her reasons, she said that she loves me, that it is the hardest decision she has ever had to make and I couldn’t have been a better boyfriend but that she thinks we are too similar. She said she feels that we had become more boring together recently, that we have taught each other everything we can and that we both too easily have started not doing as much together or talking as much, and that she feels the relationship had become almost too easy for her - that I was at times not being myself and agreeing with her on everything, pandering to her and being too soft – that I had become too cautious around her. She said she could easily go on as we are, having fun and loving me, but she has to do what feels right and not what’s easiest, and wants to end it on a high. I explained to her that I had thought the same while she was away, that my fear of losing her had made me too soft at times (basically that I had put her on a pedestal and become too needy – almost too nice and too easy), relying on her to fill all my spare time rather than being the fun guy with lots of friends who did other things that she was attracted to at the start (she is almost 25 and when we started going out she was just 22 and said she didn’t want a serious relationship but fell in love with me). I said I think long term relationships need working on, that I know I need to be myself a bit more and do some things I stopped doing. She said however she thinks it shouldn’t take work to make her truly happy, that it should just happen and that she loves me like mad but ultimately she doesn’t think I am the right person for her and can’t say for sure I am the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. After a day of hearing everything each other had to say, she kissed me goodbye on the lips, told me she loved me and left in tears. I guess as break ups go this is about as nice as they get – she thanked me for being so wonderful to her. I told her to be herself, have fun, do what feels right and told her she had made me realise what it feels like to be the luckiest guy in the world! From reading various threads on sites like these and speaking to mates, I then decided to implement strict no contact straight away and haven’t initiated any contact at all. The last month I have been out a lot partying with friends, joined a gym and generally tried to stay busy and active, but I think about her every day and honestly have never seen a girl anywhere that I am more sexually attracted to, nor have I ever met such a caring, honest, fun and loving person. I guess part of my reason for going NC was to try and make her realise what she has lost, as well as moving on for myself – trying to reverse the realisation that I lost her because I stopped being as much of a challenge and became less attractive as I was too available and easy all the time. She broke NC after 2 weeks, texting to see how I was. I texted back the next day just saying that I was good and had been out a lot having fun with friends. Then a few days ago she called me and said that she was finding the lack of contact really difficult and really hoped one day we could be close friends. We talked for a while about what we'd been up to, I tried to stay quite cool and confident and not sound completely heart broken. She was asking my opinion on various issues about people close to her – just as if we were still together. Then I brought up the whole contact thing and said that I think it's best we don't meet / have these chats because for me there are too many emotions involved to just be friends right now. And then she basically broke down crying and said that she has thought about me every day, that she loves me and that she misses me loads. She said that she will also need time before she can face me as a friend because there would be too much love and attraction there right now. But she said after 2 1/2 years of having fun with me and knowing at one point she was truly in love with me, she just knew that for certain reasons I'm not the guy that she sees herself marrying (I just don't tick all of her 'marriage' boxes) so it was only fair that she ends it there. She told me to have no regrets because I couldn't have done anymore or been any better to her and that she hopes one day we can be really close friends. I guess the question is… do I give up? Or do I let a bit more time pass then get in touch, try to meet up (there is stuff to swap and give back which provides a good reason for this) and fight one more time? Or at least let her see that after a while apart, when I've done no begging or pleading and just respected her decision and gone with dignity, maybe she made a mistake? It’s hard knowing that she thinks this is the right decision, but she isn’t with anyone else and says she misses me and is finding it really hard?? Link to comment
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