Aurora81 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Hi I'm new to this forum and could really use some advice. I have a problem which is eating away at me and I really hope someone can help. I need to give a little background information for you to be able to understand my problem fully, therefore this will be a long post which I apologise for in advance. I'm a 30 year old woman, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and lived together for 3. Until I met him I had a real problem with sex, seeing it as dirty and it was not something I enjoyed at all in other relationships, more something I endured. This I believe stems from having been sexually abused as a child. My partner has been (and continues to be) extremely patient with me, we were together close to 18 months before making love and he is the one who changed my views on sex. We now have what I believe a very healthy and enjoyable sex life. We make love on average 3 times a week and although I wouldn't say we really go in for anything considered "kinky" we try to keep it fresh and like to try new things. This is what has led to the problem. I recently attempted to get my boyfriend to talk about his fantasies, so in bed a few nights ago I brought up the subject and he told me he doesn't have any. Thinking he may be a little embarrassed I told him one of my more risque fantasies thinking it would open him up. He certainly enjoyed hearing what I had to say but still insisted he had no fantasies of his own. This bothered me because I couldn't quite believe it but despite finding it a little odd I decided to say no more about it and forget the subject entirely. I must mention here that my partner like most men enjoys watching porn occasionally, this is not something I'm into but if I'm away for the night or I'm simply not in the mood for sex then it's not unusual for him to watch porn and satisfy himself alone. There has never been any secret surrounding this and although it's not something I enjoy I have no problem with him watching occasionally. Two days ago I was using our computer when I came accross a site my boyfriend had visited, a site dedicated to group sex, orgies and "gangbanging". This shocked me to say the least, not only due to the amount of videos he appeared to have watched on the site or the fact that this is so far removed from anything we would do together but mainly because this is clearly a fantasy for him and he didn't tell me. I spoke to him about it that evening and he instantly became defensive and said that he clicked on the site by accident. When I pointed out that he'd watched several videos he actually turned quite nasty saying he knew I had a problem with the pron and that I'm jealous and frigid. This is not at all the man I love, he's NEVER behaved this way before. I want to talk to him again because there is clearly something wrong here but I'm afraid it will end in a row and so I really don't know what to do. I really have no problem with the porn, I don't care what he's watching because I know he loves me but I feel truly let down here. I honestly feel I can talk to him about anything, he's the only man I ever told about the abuse I endured and I feel incredibly hurt that he doesn't feel able to talk me about something so small. Fantasies are just that aren't they? Fantasy and not reality so why the big deal? Sorry for the extremely long post, I don't want to come accross as super sensitive or insecure so I felt a little history was needed to get the full story accross. So what do you guys think is going on with my boyfriend and how do you think I should deal with the situation? Been going crazy trying to work it out. Thanks for listening Link to comment
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