ileana87 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 My husband of 9 months has been cheating the WHOLE time, since even before we got married, he proposed and come to find out, 2 weeks after proposing he was seeing someone else. He's always been a cheater, and silly me, thought he'd change. Now, I'm the mother of a 5 month old (who was born 4 months prematurely which I believe was due to the stress of receiving pictures from another woman of her straddled over my husband). I'm not upset over the divorce, or the split, BUT I am scared to venture out into the unknown. There was no way for me to foresee the events of my youngest son being born so early and now needing so much attention that I can't work because his medical condition doesn't allow him to be put in daycare. So now, what do I do? I went to the Social Security office today to see what services I could apply for, so I could maybe get back on my feet so I could leave him. Um yeah, not happening, since I still live with him, even if he physically isn't buying me anything or feeding me, his income does affect whether or not I can apply for temporary assistance and what not. Yes, we still live together and No, I can't leave, because I have ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE TO GO, my father is if anything in a worse financial situation than I am and never knows where he's going to get the money for his next rent payment. And my mother lives in Puerto Rico and also can't financially help me. So does anyone have ANY idea what I can do, so I can get out of here?! My problem with living with him is that he completely takes advantage of the fact that I'm home with the kids all day, if he's going out, he doesn't ask, he just says, bye, I'm going out, and that's it!! I don't have such liberty to do that! I mentioned to him, and he said, if you want to go out, just ask. UM JUST ASK?!?! YOUUU don't ask!!! Oh man, don't even get me started. And also not to mention, he has control of ALLLLLL of the money, he pays the bills, but also uses $$ for him and then tells me there's no money for me to get whatever I may need and/or want. We're supposedly broke, but he isn't too broke to go out to dinner with his little . And yes, she's a , because she is VERY aware that he is married and with 2 children. Does anyone have ANYYYY advice?! PLEASE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Are they his kids? If you are in the U.S. you could certainly file for divorce and request child support orders so he starts paying you that. That should be some sort of help. Unfortunately with such a short marriage I wouldn't imagine you would be entitled to any other support other than for the children. Once you file for divorce maybe you would qualify for some additional social services that can help you through the rough patch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Do you have any friends who could shelter you long enough for you to get back on your feet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ileana87 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Well he's willing to pay alimony at least until I either get married again or until my youngest son is well enough so I can work, but it still wouldn't be enough to get my own place, especially in New York. And he already pays for everything for the kids, he always took care of the kids, that was never a problem, and I wouldn't use my kids money for me to get my own place or whatever. And no, I don't have any friends that I could stay with, I'm really the only one out of all my friends that is "on her own" meaning I don't live with my parents... Honestly, I havent been on the same page as my friends for a long time because of the fact that none of them really have any real responsibilities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Thats really fortunate he's willing to pay alimony. Because he's probably not obligated to. The child support could certainly be used to assist you with paying rent. Providing a home for the children is certainly a necessity and that's what child support is all about. Sadly though you might not be able to leave immediately. I know NY is really expensive and it just takes some time for all this stuff to work thorugh the process. If you just don't have friends or family you can crash with for awhile that just doesn't leave many options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I agree with Avman. Providing a home for your child IS part of what the child support is suppose to go toward, it's putting a roof over their head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staple Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 You need legal advice so you can file a divorce and get child support. I'm a second-year law student, worked at law firms, and many do pro bono work, meaning they won't charge you any money to bring the divorce. You need to seek legal assistance right away to get that low-life to pay you for your children and for you. You are entitled to a good amount of his income for life. I'm sorry you're going through this by the way. I almost married a cheater and seeing how it turns out, I'm glad I didn't. It never works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Hi Ileana, I don't know what to say...how hard and unfair this is for you! I'll say a pray for you tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 You are entitled to a good amount of his income for life. No Staple she is not entitled to lifetime alimony for a 9 month marriage. Child support to raise the kids yes. Lifetime alimony for an ultra short term marriage - no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 ....I wouldn't use my kids money for me to get my own place or whatever....There is nothing wrong with using kids money (child support) to get a place, it is the roof over their heads too. Ooops...see Avman already said it...well I will say it too. There are other places cheaper to live in that aren't that far from New York.....haven't been east in awhile...but I would think PA would be be cheaper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrtlsngl7 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Are they his kids? If you are in the U.S. you could certainly file for divorce and request child support orders so he starts paying you that. That should be some sort of help. Unfortunately with such a short marriage I wouldn't imagine you would be entitled to any other support other than for the children. Once you file for divorce maybe you would qualify for some additional social services that can help you through the rough patch. I concur w/ avman. In the future give a looooong lead time before you let the next guy knock you up, you know to figure out who he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I would talk to the counseling services at the local woman's shelter. Not that you have to live there, but they might direct you to resources. Is your son well enough for you to have a friend come and watch him a few hours while you worked, etc? or sought resources? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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