How long is it ok to wait before taking the next step?

[Madamdiva007]

I posted something similar to this in another sub-forum but wasn't getting a lot of replies so I figured I'd post it here. Sorry for the length, and thank you so much for taking the time to read it through

 

My bf and I have been together 14 months. Overall, we have a very good relationship, one that continues to get better and easier everyday. I'm anxious for us to take the next step in our relationship and move in together. He, however, is not. He is adament that we don't rush things, and wait until the timing is right. We have talked casually about the possibility of us moving in together next summer, after my lease ends. By then we will be dating 2 years. He has had 2 previous relationships with live-in girlfriends, both which failed miserably. He said everything changed once he moved in with those women, and it was absolutely horrible. I guess the financial stress of both those relationships ending was also pretty significant for him, and he said that he never wants to have to go through that again. I told him that I am not those women, and he should know by now that I am not going to hurt him or do to him what they did. He says he knows that, but once 2 people move in together things do seem to change. He says moving in together is a HUGE commitment, just as serious as marriage. On one hand I really appreciate where he is coming, I appreciate the fact that he takes moving in together as such a serious commitment. On the other hand, I worry that he will always have an excuse, so that he can avoid taking the next step with me, because he is afraid. I don't want to be waiting around for him to make a decision for when the time is right for him. I'm afraid that next year will come along and he will give me the same excuses. I told him this and he said that we don't know that. He thinks we should take one day at a time, no need to rush things, but I feel like we love each other, we want to be with each other, why not just go for it? Part of me thinks that, because we don't live together or have any sort of "serious commitment", someone else will just come along that he will leave me for because he doesn't feel he is tied down to me. I know this is ridiculous, he is with me because he wants to be, and if it's meant to be he will stay with me because he wants to. But all of this makes me feel just a little insecure. I told him that I know that he is the "one" for me, and I feel like we have a future with me. He told me that he sees a future with me too. I just wish he would give me a little more reassurance and stop being so wishy-washy about the whole thing. After being together 14 months I feel like he should be more sure about the whole situation.ust to give you guys a better idea of the dynamics in our relationship, he is 41, I am 22. I know it's a significant age gap, but we really haven't had any age gap related problems at all. We really do have a great relationship. He did mention though, that part of the reason he wants to wait is so that I can get a more stable, better paying job (I am in the process of looking for something better), so maybe that is an age gap thing. He has never seemed to have any concern whatsoever with the age gap before though, so I really do doubt that is the main reason for him not wanting to move in together yet. I know how ridiculous all of this must sound. I apologize, haha. I'm just a little flustered about this whole thing at the moment, it's really bothering me. Can any of you offer any words of advice or encouragement? Or any personal experiences? Thank you!

[Madamdiva007]

I guess it just worries me because I feel like I am surrounded by couples who are living together, or talking about moving in together, or talking about marriage. It seems like all the couples I know didn't wait nearly this long, they all moved in together within the first year of beginning their relationship.

 

So is it me? Or could I possibly be dating a commitment-probe?