minimini Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 A few days ago I celebrated my birthday and finally decided to stop contacting my cyber guy. As the title says, this was not just any cyber relationship. The guy I was having this relationship with was my first boyfriend... from jr. high.... we shared our first kiss when we were 13. While my husband was working out of the country, I contacted this guy one day on Facebook (in January), and we were pretty much inseparable since (virtually speaking, that is). We live in different states, and are both married with one child each. A few weeks after we reconnected on Facebook, he was visiting "home" near me on serious family matters. His mom was terminally ill and while he was in town his mom passed away. While he was here, we met... first, for coffee, then more, and more... and by the end of the week, we had both cheated on our marriages. From day one, I knew that it would all end badly. There was no where for it to go.. but I didn't get out. I ended up moving out of the country to be with my hubby, but also to put distance between he and I. But the cyber affair didn't end. We just fell deeper and deeper in love... started depending on each other more and more emotionally. Somewhere around June, he started breaking down. His mom's passing started sinking in and I guess the stresses of his "real" life were increasing. From June until now (August) he started writing less and less and so did I. At one point (mid-July), I told him that we should just stop writing because I wasn't handling things very well. I had started to drink regularly to over-ride my conscience and had lost 10 lbs.! But I just couldn't let go! Time and time again I wrote to him and tried to figure out what happened... where the breakdown happened. I de-friended him then re-friended him then de-friended him again. Wow! I was a spaz! Finally.... on my birthday, I sent him a message on Facebook saying that I basically couldn't stomach some of the things written on his wall (like his wife posting that she loves him) and that I couldn't stand not hearing back from him so he wouldn't be hearing from me any more. I asked him to wish me a Happy Birthday and tell me he loves me. He did. Said he was in love with me, always will be, but writing to each other hurt because he knew he couldn't have me. He told me about the hardships he was dealing with over the past few months. Anger issues, alcohol issues, stress. He also said that he is going to go into marriage counseling with his wife. I'm happy for him. Glad that he is going to work on his issues. I know that he did not grow up in an ideal childhood and he is trying to prevent his son from experiencing the same. I would never have left my husband. I actually fessed up to my husband about this guy and my husband actually understood! Anyway, now I'm just trying to figure out how to move on. I know that I am more in love with him than I ever have been with anyone and we share a crazy amount of chemistry with each other! I've never had that kind of chemistry with anyone... not even my husband! How do I move on with my life with a nagging feeling that my soul mate is out there. We both think of the other as the one that "got away". Can I be happy again now that I know that a love like this exists?? Link to comment
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