Doing better, still some issues though

[KuroShinsei]

Last night I discovered my ex is yet again in a new relationship (4th boyfriend in 2 months). Every guy she dated in these 2 months has been on and off repeatedly too, like 2 days together, break up, get back together a couple days later repeat. She even gets to the i love you stage with them. The last one was an old friend of hers that she actually told me was so ugly the thought of being with him disgusted her. It still bothers me she's moving through men like this, it bothers me how easily she got over me, though now I'm thinking she didn't and the guy after guy is just her way of trying to get over me.

 

We were together 3 and a half years. We have a 2 year old son. I have concerns that this environment is not safe for him. Not only that the guys she is picking are into drugs, classic " * * * * * * " gangster thug wannabes. Guys who have no idea what it is like to care for a child. Yet she brings them around our son. Something she went through as a child and swore she would never do to our son.

 

It infuriates me that her sexual desires are taking precedent over the well being of our son. Do you feel I have a right to be upset? I should mention as well last night when I found out I didn't feel jealous, I didn't want to be with her, and I don't anymore. I've realized how terrible a person she is, and all of the awful things she did to me (that is a great break through for me). So again, am I right to be upset? I've been considering going for full custody with occasional visitation, with a stipulation she doesn't bring her sex interests around my son.

 

Does anyone think this is valid or am I overreacting?

 

 

the censored word is a common slang for a white person who tries to be a black stereotype.

[ForumGuy]

You are not over-reacting, assuming your information is accurate. The problem may be getting a court to see it your way if she is willing to fight you for custody of your son.

[KuroShinsei]

What is the part that they would be most concerned about though? The instability, the fact that the guys are children with no idea how to care for a child, or the fact that they do drugs? From what I've been told they've never done drugs around my son, but I don't know how accurate that is.

 

Oh, this is a funny little side note. Apparently she broke up with her last boyfriend because he wanted to give his brother a chance with her. She still wanted to get back together with this guy.

[ForumGuy]

In court, you have to be able to prove that there is mistreatment going on, and a person's word is not good enough proof, especially a person who has a motive to fabricate a story. I am sure everything here is correct and it is seriously too bad that your son is exposed to this, but you will have to have some real evidence (e.g.-someone gets busted for drugs around the kid, or some kind of violence take place in front of him in which the police are called). It is sometimes unjust it has to be this way, but if it weren't, anybody could say anything about anyone they don't like and have them suffer legal consequences. I am talking about the U.S. legal system, Canada is probably similar but can't say for sure. You should talk to a lawyer about your concerns.

[KuroShinsei]

Well social services is involved because she had lied to the police, told them I assaulted her and had me arrested. The night in question where she called the police she was actually high. So I'm thinking of addressing this with child welfare first. What I gather from you though is that it's the drugs that are the issue, and only if used around my son. I don't think that is going to happen anymore since child welfare spoke to her about it. I'm wondering about the new guy every week or 2, is this something that the courts would be concerned about for my son's well being? What about the fact that these guys are clearly not fit to be role models for my son, and again i'm assuming some form of proof is required for that. What about the fact that her relationships last a couple days, they break up, get back together and repeat... is that instability an issue for the courts? I know it's not a healthy environment for my son.

[ForumGuy]

You hadn't mentioned there was documentation of problems through social services, or that there has already been police involvement. This is the type of proof I was talking about.

[KuroShinsei]

Well the police involvement was against me. My lawyer told me not to press charges against her because it would be a he-said she-said, and to just take my day in court, that would look best on me and increase my chances of seeing my son. So that's what I did. She claimed I assaulted her, but in fact she assaulted me. Social services is aware of her drug use that night as well as drug use in the past, but there is nothing concrete about drug use around our son from here on. The drugs concern me, though I don't think she's doing them around my son, so I don't think the courts would interfere there. What I am wondering though is if the promiscuity and instability of the family unit there is an issue for the courts. It does concern me a great deal.