SeekFortitude Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Answer: Who cares!!!! Move on!!!!!!!!! Next! Find the strength and FORTITUDE to carry on and move forward. Do not let others bring you down! Stay strong! You are better than this situation. Have confidence in yourself. You do not need your ex or anybody! Get the power back! This is what we should all be telling ourselves everyday. Our exes left us for a reason he/she things suited them. Its not our fault. Its no ones fault the relationship ended. Don't look for answers. Let go! Accept it and move onwards and upwards! Life is way too short and the world awaits us! Its been 2 months for me in NC and I feel stronger everyday. Do I miss her? Of course! Do I think about her? Everyday! BUT, the pain is easing each and everyday and I am becoming strong enough to eventually say " it!! This is really over and I should not spend anymore time on this." No contact is the only way to truly heal. There really is no other way until you are fully over it. Stay NO CONTACT. Disappear and heal. You will emerge from this much stronger. I know it, because I can feel it in myself. I feel stronger everyday and no one will take that away. I know its hard, but BE STRONG! You will make it and you will eventually wonder why you even gave him/her the satisfaction of even caring that much. AND a plug for ENA....this is probably one of the best websites out there with some truly caring and experienced people. Thank you to everyone for sharing your time, stories, journals, experience, and wisdom. I only wish I found this site earlier. Link to comment
Benji22 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Great advice, Fortitude. I am five months into no contact with a slip up or two here and there (she wanted money) and I can say I am over it. the method is tried and true, it works wonders. For anybody at the beginning of the rocky trail, It doesnt sound easy.. I know, but the road gets smooth up ahead.. its just a long walk for some. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Trying to be positive but it kills me that so many people are still hurting after 2 months. Been broken up for a month (2 weeks since I found out she started an emotional affair a few weeks prior to breaking up with me) and I definitely have my highs and lows. The past 2 days have definitely been low. I don't know if I can stand this for another few months especially with the shorter days coming ahead. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Don't know about you guys, but NC is almost poetic for me. It's like watching the end of an Old-Western or something, just riding off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again. It makes the past seem almost like a dream when you no longer speak to your ex, or ever hear anything about them and vice versa. It is definitely a game changer, and the only real way to find strength when you feel weak. I know a lot of people on here believe LC is taking the high-road, but there are some times in life when you need to stand up, stop walking on egg-shells, and be decisive. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Trying to be positive but it kills me that so many people are still hurting after 2 months. Been broken up for a month (2 weeks since I found out she started an emotional affair a few weeks prior to breaking up with me) and I definitely have my highs and lows. The past 2 days have definitely been low. I don't know if I can stand this for another few months especially with the shorter days coming ahead. You have to stand it though, what's the alternative? It sucks, it feels like you're going 10 rounds with Tyson, but I guarantee you that most people have or will have that one break-up that is just so soul-crushing, it feels like you won't survive. I was ashamed of myself at first. I thought, "Why is it that in the past you got over it so easy, and this one has you ready to jump off a cliff?" You'll get there though. First week or so after my break-up, I was fine. The following month and a half was pretty miserable. The few months following were periods of lows and just feeling even keel. Now, I feel back to normal. Of course, I have a vacation coming up, and I can't wait to just get out of here Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Don't know about you guys, but NC is almost poetic for me. It's like watching the end of an Old-Western or something, just riding off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again. It makes the past seem almost like a dream when you no longer speak to your ex, or ever hear anything about them and vice versa. It is definitely a game changer, and the only real way to find strength when you feel weak. I know a lot of people on here believe LC is taking the high-road, but there are some times in life when you need to stand up, stop walking on egg-shells, and be decisive. LaKings, this is so Excellent! Especially this part: It's like watching the end of an Old-Western or something, just riding off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again. Well said. Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Great advice, Fortitude. I am five months into no contact with a slip up or two here and there (she wanted money) and I can say I am over it. the method is tried and true, it works wonders. For anybody at the beginning of the rocky trail, It doesnt sound easy.. I know, but the road gets smooth up ahead.. its just a long walk for some. Awesome to hear justice. Good for you! I think I will be totally over it in 2-3 more months and be where you are. Its coming! Link to comment
purrbaby Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I think the hardest part (for me at least) is breaking the "addiction" for the other person... and NC is part of that. Going from talking to someone everyday to absolutely nothing is kind of a system shock. But I am going to be strong and push through this. I feel better NOT talking to him. (I was the one the broke it off, so maybe that's why) Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Trying to be positive but it kills me that so many people are still hurting after 2 months. Been broken up for a month (2 weeks since I found out she started an emotional affair a few weeks prior to breaking up with me) and I definitely have my highs and lows. The past 2 days have definitely been low. I don't know if I can stand this for another few months especially with the shorter days coming ahead. SorrowandPain, exactly what LAKings said. There is no alternative to No Contact. All other stuff will just prolong the inevitable. Its over. Just keep telling yourself that. Its over. Its over. Its over. Forget hope. I can't say I don't have ups and downs because I do, but the overall trend is up. Its a bull market in my mind. Things are only going up and getting better. I think the people who are still having a lot of trouble after 2 months are still "hanging on" somehow-clinging to that tiny piece of hope for fear that there is still a chance or that they may actually forget about their ex and their suffering that came to be a constant companion. A GLIMPSE: Every once in a while and more frequently now, I get a glimpse of complete indifference about my ex and any feelings I have for her. I feel (for a moment) that she has completely slipped from my heart. Its strange because the feelings are mixed. One part of me is like "f--k yes!!!! I broke free from these shackles!!" Then another part of me panics for fear that she has just become another person in my life-its kinda like when someone dies, but you still can't really except that they are gone. I guess this is part of letting go completely, getting over it and moving on. This is also poetic. Its like two hands holding on and they are starting to slip away till eventually they are no longer reachable-to never be again. Its like our hearts just finally let go once and for all. One day, however, I don't think I will panic and I will truly and 100% break free from the shackles. I will be totally at peace. My heart will have let go 100%. Don't worry SorrowandPain, my suffering now is nothing like it was before when I started NC. The suffering is fading big time. It only gets better....Trust us. Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I think the hardest part (for me at least) is breaking the "addiction" for the other person... and NC is part of that. Going from talking to someone everyday to absolutely nothing is kind of a system shock. But I am going to be strong and push through this. I feel better NOT talking to him. (I was the one the broke it off, so maybe that's why) You can do it. I had the same problem. I could not let go. I was "addicted." The only way to break it is to go cold turkey NC (like any other addiction). I also feel better not talking to her. Its empowering actually and the feeling of empowerment increases with each day of no contact. Its showing to myself, that I do not need this woman to be happy or validated. I am getting this woman off the silly little pedestal that I put her on and taking my power back. As someone said on here once, Its rejecting the rejector by remaining in no contact. Stay strong. Link to comment
Flywest29 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Great post man. I see we are at exactly the same stage 2 months. You on the other hand seem to be doing a lot better than I haha. I am definitely better than I was at the beginning but still not great, lots of highs and lows still but I know the highs will eventually outweigh the lows. This thread should be inspiration to us all that we can get through this and we will become better, stronger people as a result. All the best to everyone. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 LaKings, this is so Excellent! Especially this part: Well said. Thanks, maybe the image of riding off into the sunset will be a powerful visualization for folks. The old "my job here is done" mentality Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Flywest, great avatar, Tool is an awesome band, great live show Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 The old "my job here is done" mentality Indeed!!!!! Link to comment
Timefornc Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 6 months its taken me, but then again I ignored everyone's advice. This post finally rings true. Whilst I spent so long thinking I lost her, I now think hang on, she left me, she lost. She turned down what I had to offer, and now someone else will receive it. Lucky them, poor her Link to comment
Larkin Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Tomorrow marks 6 weeks of NC for me, and, it's been difficult. At first, I felt guilty for going dark (even though she dumped me) because she wanted to remain friends and "hang out together once in awhile...blah blah blah". And I've been tempted to text her with a friendly "hello". But, friendship is a two-way street, and she's made no effort to contact me. Her loss. I'll be staying NC. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 6 months its taken me, but then again I ignored everyone's advice. This post finally rings true. Whilst I spent so long thinking I lost her, I now think hang on, she left me, she lost. She turned down what I had to offer, and now someone else will receive it. Lucky them, poor her Right on bro, there will come a time when she'll realize she should have done more to keep you, but it'll be too late then. Plus, since relationships are two way streets, what did she bring to the table that was so great? I ask myself that about my ex all the time. Sure, we had known each other as kids. Sure, she was hot, intelligent, educated and a complete match in political agreement and other issues. Sure her family was great. But, in the end she was an anti-social, xanax popping, go nowhere, do nothing, can't cope with real life emotional wreck. I know it's harsh, and I showed nothing but patience and understanding the whole time. I gave her so much and got so little in return. I'm all for making concessions and trying to be there for the other person, but it has to happen both ways. There are so many other negatives/red flags I could bring up, but that would almost take an entire thesis project to cover. Let's just say that I'm a lot better off. She brought so much drama and negativity into my life, but I was blinded by her very occasional affection and almost fragile nature. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 thanks, maybe the image of riding off into the sunset will be a powerful visualization for folks. The old "my job here is done" mentality i love this! Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 i love this! Seems to be resonating with folks. Glad to feel like I can do a tiny bit of good in this world, even when my own thoughts quickly turn dark, hopeless and suicidal. Of course, that has nothing to do with my last relationship. I'd go into more detail, but it's too depressing, and I've always been told to not bring something up if you don't want to talk about it. Lol, and I brought it up anyway. Nonetheless, imagining yourself as a cowboy (or girl) riding off into the sunset, never to be heard from again might empower people to go NC, keep it, and feel a little stronger and more dignified during a break-up Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 LaKings, Check out the new signature quote. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 FORTITUDE. You're right. Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 FORTITUDE. You're right. About the quote? That came from LaKings. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 About the quote? That came from LaKings. No, I meant the original post. But that one is pretty damn good too. Link to comment
SeekFortitude Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 Yeah man. NC will make it better. Erase them from all aspects f your life and the will slowly fade away... out of sight out of mind. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Awesome! Thanks Seek, I feel strangely honored by that. Link to comment
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