I'm so self destructive

[meoww]

I know this isn't really considered self injury because I don't physically harm myself but I have some incredibly self destructive tendencies I want to resolve.

Seriously, it is making me feel completely out of control! I need to take care of myself

I know why I'm like this but it's just time to stop.

 

--I make commitments I can't keep (all the time, work related and in my personal life)

 

So I feel really unreliable

I have a hard time saying no to things I don't need or want to do

I worry too much

 

--impulsive spending

 

I never know what I want, so I just buy too many things and try to figure it out later

but then I never know how to stop

because I feel like I have to constantly improve myself

 

--not meeting deadlines

 

again, I'm always really stressed out

 

--can't concentrate (on important things, I have no trouble devoting time to leisure pursuits)

 

--have a hard time starting things that scare me

 

--can't stand up for myself

 

--not good at resolving tension and conflict

 

--don't take initiative in bettering myself

 

--have a hard time with routines

 

--neglecting my responsibilities (in every way)

 

It's becoming too much to handle. I need to deal with this ASAP.

[In the Dark]

Sounds like this is more of a rant about yourself.

But the good thing is you have listed the major issues which need resolving immediately.

 

Firstly is your occupation one that you dread to go to?

[meoww]

Yes...but it's the most financially wise decision for me at the moment while I save to go back to school. But I spent the better part of a year feeling pretty depressed.

[Benji22]

I feel ya on the dreaded job part. Funny enough, today was my last day at a job that I HATED! I'm now going to work on a farm, something I've always wanted to do, if its the money you need.. just hang in there and get looking for a job you think you'll enjoy, it seems daunting at first but when you succeed you will feel great, promise. As for your responsibilities, I had a hard time with this when I was younger, the best thing I can advise would be to take baby steps into making these responsibilities part of your everyday life style, start with the easy stuff.. dont move forward until it feels comfertable.. and then add a little more to your plate. Keep on like this and you'll be a busy fella.. and you won't even have noticed the gradual change.

[meoww]

I feel ya on the dreaded job part. Funny enough, today was my last day at a job that I HATED! I'm now going to work on a farm, something I've always wanted to do, if its the money you need.. just hang in there and get looking for a job you think you'll enjoy, it seems daunting at first but when you succeed you will feel great, promise. As for your responsibilities, I had a hard time with this when I was younger, the best thing I can advise would be to take baby steps into making these responsibilities part of your everyday life style, start with the easy stuff.. dont move forward until it feels comfertable.. and then add a little more to your plate. Keep on like this and you'll be a busy fella.. and you won't even have noticed the gradual change.

 

Thanks for the advice. It was definitely useful. Good luck on the farm, too.

[meoww]

it hasn't been that long since I wrote this but I feel like I'm making progress. I'm feeling more on top of things right now, less overwhelmed and more stable. I have to say I could definitely be doing a little better on the improving myself front. I'm kind of just maintaining right now!

[bipolarstar]

sounds like me when im high (mania) i impulsive spend..dont look after myself...think im better than everyone...i think i can do things that really you couldnt do..

my heads just full of thorts...i go missing for days not thinking about responsabilties..i say nasty things because i dont think about how other people feel..

everything seems brighter and happyer and better then after all that you come crashing down to the deep dark hole that you feel like you cant climb out...

[meoww]

I lack impulse control sometimes but it's very selective, meaning I'm only inclined to over spend on certain things--I've heard of bi polar 'mixed states' that might describe my condition better but I'm not at all an aggressive person prone to conflict. By not resolving conflict well I meant I'm too passive, and tend to let resentment build over time. Thanks for your concern though. I've had psychological evaluations and I'm almost positive I am not bipolar.