clingy men such a turn off

[thepain]

met this guy online (never met in person) who was very insecure and clingy. i stopped talking to him for a few months because i was so turned off by his clingyness. he recently called and apologize for his behavior and i forgave him. we started talking again and things were going well until he got very clingy again. i'm getting turned off again.

 

now here's the thing. i'm not so sure if i'm turned off his clingyness and insecurity or maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion because i'm not really attracted to this guy physically in the first place. the thought of him chasing me kind of makes me feel sick now. is that normal?

[In the Dark]

I think men and women give more leeway to the faults in someone they find attractive over someone they don't.

 

What makes this man clingy and insecure?

What exactly is he saying and doing?

[thepain]

well, after we reconnected i had told him that i was not looking for a relationship right now and then only a few days have passed and he told me he's very interested in me and wants to meet up soon. ok, this really freaks me out. i went from wanting to get to know him to not even wanting to bother or answer his calls anymore. he's the type that would cry and beg. but like i said earlier if i was really attracted to the guy, i would probably feel really touched and run to him. not run away in this case.

 

should i just forget it and stop responding? i don't want to lead him on. and i don't know how say it nicely that i'm not attracted to him and that his clingyness is making me want to run the other way.

[offplanet]

If you're not physically attracted, and if his clinginess is already turning you off, then not much point in starting anything with him. It's only going to hurt him.

[Oneironaut]

I once met a guy online who was like this, and became extremely needy and clingy very quickly.

 

After only a few days of it, I told him very politely that the level of attention he was giving me made me uncomfortable, I didn't think we were going to be suited for each other, and good luck and best wishes.

 

That's my advice.

[WockaWocka]

well, after we reconnected i had told him that i was not looking for a relationship right now and then only a few days have passed and he told me he's very interested in me and wants to meet up soon. ok, this really freaks me out. i went from wanting to get to know him to not even wanting to bother or answer his calls anymore.

Clingy guys are difficult, I agree. But in all fairness to this guy, if you don't want a relationship and you don't want a casual hookup or to meet him in person, then what were you looking for -- an online friendship? In that case I wouldn't have given him my real-life contact info.

If at some point the clinginess tips too far into stalker territory then I hope you reach out here or locally for help. Trust your gut instinct about him.

[thepain]

well, the resaon that i even started talking to this guy was because he was a "nice guy." I still think he is a nice guy and I thought that by giving it time, i can learn to like him more but his clingyness is just driving me away. i did think about how there is not much phyiscal attraction given that i have only seen a few pics and have not met in person. if he is acting like this already and we haven't met, i can only imagine how he would act after we have met in person.

 

i know people always says that "nice guys" finish last and i always felt bad and wondered why. this guy has made me wonder if he even knows that his clingyness and insecurities makes him so unattractive, all other things aside. i almost want to tell him this so that the next time he meets someone, his might look into being less clingy.

[RitaTrue]

met this guy online (never met in person) who was very insecure and clingy. i stopped talking to him for a few months because i was so turned off by his clingyness. he recently called and apologize for his behavior and i forgave him. we started talking again and things were going well until he got very clingy again. i'm getting turned off again.

 

now here's the thing. i'm not so sure if i'm turned off his clingyness and insecurity or maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion because i'm not really attracted to this guy physically in the first place. the thought of him chasing me kind of makes me feel sick now. is that normal?

 

I think so. I met two guys like that online.

 

One guy, he was SUPER clingy. At first, he seemed normal. But then when we talked online, he'd want to be the center of ALL my time. Even when I told him, that I had school or work, he'd still * * * * * and say to keep talking to him. Ha. And then when I left, he'd BLAST MY VOICEMAIL, LIKE A PSYCHO! He'd literally call BACK TO BACK 8 Times or so. Not attractive at all.

 

The second guy, with him, he was clingy moreso to his ex. Fortunately he told me all the ways he was clingy (knowingly or unknowingly) before I could consider meeting him. He was clingy about his ex. They'd recently broken up--about 2 weeks before talking to me. In his own words, he contacted her 40 times (yes, 40!), during the two weeks they broke up. Not cute.

 

If you ever want to drive someone away--besides mentioning marriage on the first date, just get clingy.