ramsickle1369 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Hello ENA community... I haven't been on in a while, largely because I felt like a broken record and some people were getting mean. That said, I think it did me some good. After everything with the same dang guy for the past 5+ years, the truth is seeping out and things are changing. I only share this because I once needed hope, and didn't believe in anything. The past few months he's been in therapy and although the changes I'm seeing are subtle and FAR from ideal, I am seeing them. We've had some real heart to hearts at HIS initiation. I was shocked. Floored. And most of all, I don't trust it. As much as I want to believe there's hope, he has a LONG way to go to win me back. I'll always love him and no matter how hard I tried (more dates than I could count) he's still the one that "does it" for me. SO.... I guess I just have to play the game of life and see what happens. One thing, the MAJOR thing that has changed...? IS ME. I no longer allow those crazy feelings and insecurities stop me from saying what I need to say. And through some learned maturity, I'm able to articulate my feelings and needs in such a way that is not threatening to him. So that it doesn't become another pointless argument. Dare I say he HEARS me!? YES! I firmly believe that MY changing my approach and reaction has had a DRAMATIC affect on how things are where they are today. We have a long road ahead if things are to become anything real, but at the very least, I'm growing and healing. The most important thing that came to me was from one night I saw a hypnotherapist. While I was totally uncomfortable with the experience and didn't return, I wonder if that little hour broke the addiction just enough. It was worth the try. And now? Now I am able to disassociate just enough to not implode when the emotions hit. I can actually DEAL with it rationally--even when I know the emotions are totally irrational, I can still accept them and manage to articulate my needs and desires instead of clamming up and running away in fear. Anywhoooo... I felt like I owed it to the community to share some POSITIVE news for a change! It's not all sunshine and roses, but I am definitely doing better. XOXO to you all... even those who've had to separate from my life. Link to comment
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