Just want some advise!

[UserConfig]

I'll try to make the story short.

 

I met this girl, let's call her Ann, and I've known her for a little over a month now. We went on two dates that went wonderfully! I was all psyched for the third date when she tells me that she doesn't want to lead me on right now because she might still have feelings for her ex. So okay fine, and I decide to give her some space. We aren't texting as frequently but we still talk. We hang out with a mutual group of friends and there's this other guy, let's call him Ben. They also met around the same time Ann and I met. I always kind of knew they were talking a lot as well but I didn't think too much of it. At a few of our mutual group hang outs, I notice that they are pretty close with each other physically. Just small things like Ann leaning against Ben, Ann's hand slightly on his leg, hanging together most of the time, etc. Now I'm wondering if anything is happening between them.

 

This is my issue. If she told me she has feelings for her ex and doesn't want to lead me on, then what is going on here? Let's say that Ben also likes Ann, but Ann gave him the same message. BUT, if Ann did give him the same message, she wouldn't be doing all these small things to lead him on. Assuming this is the case, then clearly she lied to me, right? She might be actually interested in Ben but didn't want to tell me?

 

So I'm seeing her again soon in a 1-on-1 situation and I want to just ask her straight up. I'm not sure how to approach this with her. What I want to say is, do I still even have a chance with you, is your ex excuse actually legit, and if it is, is there something going on between you and Ben?

 

Any advise on the situation in general? Helping me word what I want to say would be nice too!

[Pinnacle]

Don't ask her anything. If you do then nothing will stop her from lying anyway no matter what answer she gives you.

 

Here's what I know of your situation. If she still has feeling for her ex then he is somewhere in the picture. You have three (known...yourself included) people engaging in flirtatious/sexual/more than friends behavior with her. She rejected you because of her ex. You can take her word for it, but it wouldn't surprise me if this was some generic rejection to let you off easy. In the end it doesn't really matter. So despite this information you find she becomes touchy-feely with the new guy. Something she ISN'T doing with you as the group goes out. Maybe this new guy knows about her ex, but I doubt it. So using my noncredited detective skills I can deduce that her interest in you is as follows:

 

1. Ben

2. Ex

3. You

 

People never like to be the second fiddle. You're playing third string back-up.

 

My advice to you is to flip the switch. Don't ask her about whatever may be going on with the ex and new guy. Tell her that you would rather just be friends with her. Do whatever it is you were going to do as planned. But it isn't a date. It's two friends hanging out. Enjoy yourself. Then, start finding other chicks to date.

[Ariel85]

I think you're being a little bit of a drama queen - lol.

 

Suffice to say she doesn't want to date you. And yes, she may be dating/banging Ben, but so what? That's their business. All you need to worry about is you and her, and that's a strictly friendzone scene now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Don't ask her anything. Just back away.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with everyone else. She's not interested in you, and that's what she wanted to communicate. What she does with Ben is her business.