Peanutbutter2 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I'm really looking for advice on this one... Okay well, earlier today I was having a happy go lucky day with my boyfriend until it was time to go pick up my mom. He can't go with me because his parents do not want him in the car with me. (he is a year younger than I am) So, I drop him off back at my house then leave to go get my mother. I come back with her, she is in her bedroom doing her own thing, then once we are home I go into my room only to see my boyfriend on my bed doing the "hanky panky" under the covers. We are sexually active like that but, not when there are half naked women on the TV screen. He was watching some biking naked marathon show. I asked him what he thinks he is doing to which he responds "You were gone along time so I thought I would...ya know?" Then I asked him why he is watching this stupid show and he said "it just came on! I wasn't doing anything to it!" The peoples privates are blurred out but still. It is not okay to watch explict material at my house, ESPECIALLY when I am not there. I do not like him doing the "hanky panky" when I am not around, it is only okay when he is at home. i do not let him watch porn because it just seems a little disrespectful to me. So now, I do not know how I should feel or what I should do? I have already told him that I feel terrible about it but I still love him and everything. I don't know, I think I just need some advice...it would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment
ToF Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Personally, I think I'd find that whole scenario kind of funny ... But obviously this is something you feel very strongly about. It sounds like you have made it clear to him that this is not something you are okay with, in the boundaries of your relationship. I say let this one go, and if it happens again, maybe let him go so he can have a little bit more sexual freedom. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 You aren't your boyfriends mother though. While it's fine for you to not like porn - and to ask him not to watch it in your house - you sound VERY controlling about this by saying ' I don't let him'. I'm sorry but you aren't his mother, legal guardian, or anything other than his GF. It's not up to you what he uses to masturbate to - that's a very personal thing and I personally would not be with someone who told me I couldn't use something to get myself off too. Should he have been masturbating in your house? Probably not, but I hope you understand that he is a man and he DOES masturbate when you aren't around. It's healthy to do so. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I think that it's unhealthy to try and have full control over a partner's sexuality like that. Pornography is one thing, but having rules on masturbation and how you're treating this instance of 'catching' him masturbating is a bit disturbing to me. You're the only one who can establish where your boundaries are, but if this is your attitude about sex, I wonder if you wouldn't go better with someone who shares it. Link to comment
Peanutbutter2 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? Yeah. Heck, I'd ask if he wanted me to help out! It's not something you 'do'. If you don't like porn you don't like porn - there is nothing wrong with that but you can't push that view point onto other people, like your partner. It isn't fair. If your boyfriend liked short hair on women and pushed you to have short hair even though you didn't want to, wouldn't you feel a bit smothered? I had a huge problem with my ex masturbating to pron but that was because he would rather do that than have sex with me. As long as your boyfriend isn't doing this, masturbating is a natural thing. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? lol, agreed with OG - i'd offer to help! I don't think that this is a really big deal. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? I've watched my ex boyfriends masturbate to porn and we've even engaged in mutual masturbation WITH porn, together. So yeah, I'm fine with it. The way I see it, porn is just visual stimulation. He's not flirting with or having a relationship with these women. It's just a temporary substitute for sex at times when you're not there for him to have sex with or maybe he just wants to get off quickly and doesn't want a full "session". Anyway, you're fine to not like porn. If that's the case, find a guy who doesn't like porn and won't jerk off to some TV show. Don't get with a guy who likes it and then force him to stop it to suit you. You need to find someone who you're compatible with. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Wow. Could he be...maybe... a BAD BAD BOY??? lol. Seriously, you "do not let him watch porn". It is "not okay to hanky panky when you are not around". It is incredible that you feel entitled to such ownership of his body and sexuality. I think you just need to relax. He was open with you about it and did not try and hide anything. At least he was on chatting on some 900 number or in bed with another woman. I really do not understand your strong reaction. He was just enjoying a private moment in a place were he felt safe (wrong!). Why do you feel so terrible? Link to comment
Peanutbutter2 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Wow. Could he be...maybe... a BAD BAD BOY??? lol. Seriously, you "do not let him watch porn". It is "not okay to hanky panky when you are not around". It is incredible that you feel entitled to such ownership of his body and sexuality. I think you just need to relax. He was open with you about it and did not try and hide anything. At least he was on chatting on some 900 number or in bed with another woman. I really do not understand your strong reaction. He was just enjoying a private moment in a place were he felt safe (wrong!). Why do you feel so terrible? Oh finally, a male perspective. And lol...made me laugh...You are extremely right about the 900 number thing...I guess I was just jumping to conclusions that I am not good enough for him, even though he tells me all the time how hot I am and how much he loves me...wow. Thank you for opening up my eyes! Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 How old are you? I just get the vibe while reading your post that you're either very young or sexually conservative (eg, referring to masturbation as "hanky panky"). Link to comment
Peanutbutter2 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 How old are you? I just get the vibe while reading your post that you're either very young or sexually conservative (eg, referring to masturbation as "hanky panky"). I am 52. Why? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Generally speaking, most adults don't refer to masturbation as "hanky panky", nor do they see it as "bad" and forbid it. I mean no disrespect here, but were you brought up in a conservative environment? Link to comment
Peanutbutter2 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Generally speaking, most adults don't refer to masturbation as "hanky panky", nor do they see it as "bad" and forbid it. I mean no disrespect here, but were you brought up in a conservative environment? Lol. No. I do not wish to give out my age. Link to comment
Betweenthebars Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Oh finally, a male perspective. And lol...made me laugh...You are extremely right about the 900 number thing...I guess I was just jumping to conclusions that I am not good enough for him, even though he tells me all the time how hot I am and how much he loves me...wow. Thank you for opening up my eyes! Lol sweetheart, of course you're good enough for him he's a boy! They do that. Are you insecure about your body? At first I was uncomfortable with my husbands porn because they are all size zero girls covered in tattoos, so my thoughts were, "I'm not skinny enough for you, AND my six tattoos aren't good enough?!" haha it was a silly reaction, and then I thought well... He chose me. He comes home to me, and loves me. So don't take it personally! Your boyfriend loves you, no one else. Link to comment
teabee Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Your negative reaction to this has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with something he did wrong. I think you could agree that you are upset because of your own insecurities and as a result you try to control what he can/can't or should/shouldn't do when it comes to porn and masturbation. If you were 100% confident, you wouldn't be upset over that, in fact maybe you would have jumped into the bed and joined him! The more I get over my own insecurities, the better my relationship gets--we can watch porn together, we can notice other women's bodies without me feeling less beautiful, we can be more honest and authentic with each other instead of him having to walk on eggshells when it comes to porn or attractive women or whatever. So I say its a good thing you had this experience--now you have a little more awareness about your own issues and that's the only way to get over them and onto something better Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? Yep. Unless the porn wasn't hot, then I'd probably rag him about it and tell him to find something with hotter actors. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I do not like him doing the "hanky panky" when I am not around, it is only okay when he is at home. i do not let him watch porn because it just seems a little disrespectful to me. So now, I do not know how I should feel or what I should do? 1 - if you are old enough to be sexually active, then you are old enough to not call masturbation "hanky panky" 2 - you don't "let" him watch porn because you think it's disrespectful? Ugh. You don't own his genitals and you can't control his thoughts. If you are so insecure that you can't handle him masturbating to porn, then you might want to put a halt to the "hanky panky" until you can control your issues a little better. Link to comment
ur02111222 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 i do not let him watch porn because it just seems a little disrespectful to me. This "letting" him do things is problematic. Eh, I don't think he was doing anything wrong. Maybe he wanted you to catch him and thought it'd progress into some sex with you? For all you know, he thought he was being funny. It just doesn't seem like a very big issue, imo. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 So you're saying you'd be fine if you walked in on your boyfriend watching porn and jerking off to it? Gahhh. How do you do it??? I wouldn't have a problem with that, however I would have a problem if this was happening in my mother's home! Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Im sure if when you walked in,if you had run over to help him finish,with a smile, His eyes would be on what you were doing not the T.V....im a guy and I have tried to get caught doing that and have....the thrill is waiting for your partner to catch you and wanting them to help....Think, he must of heard you come in...my guess is he was waiting for you!!!! Link to comment
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