Things you've learned from dating.

[LAYAAN]

Thank you ut804.

I wrote that out of personal experience. I have wasted 3 years in a pseudo relationship with a man that I didn't like all that much since the moment we met. He lied to me about his illness, he treated me like dirt, he hacked my personal computer, he manipulated me, and I went back to him begging "please take me back" I thought to myself "How will I ever survive as a single woman in my 30s? What if I lose him now? Who will ever say yes to me? I am too weak to start over."

So, yes, my fears did come true and I'm facing my life as a single woman now, but I'm hanging on. Life with him would be worse than death. I know that.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

Love this thread. I would say:

 

1. Keep an open mind. You never know who you're going to meet, when, where, and what it might lead to. A date can lead to an amazing friendship, or more. And just because you've never done/considered something doesn't mean you won't enjoy it.

 

2. Don't change who you are, or your values.

 

3. Don't be afraid of honest communication. It's better to tell somebody where you're at and what you're looking at than just assume they're on the same page/want the same things.

 

4. WOMEN: Don't be afraid to make the first move. No, I don't think it should always be made, but striking up conversation with a cutie won't hurt, and a number of guys appreciate it. I'm not saying you have to organize every date or anything, but hinting that you're interested can take the pressure off the guy (and you since you're not constantly guessing where things are at).

 

5. Dating multiple people is OK. I'm not saying that sleeping around is good, but if relationships are kept casual it makes you more confident dating, you meet more people, and most won't work out anyway. By keeping things light and casual, you don't feel like you need any particular individual, and are more likely to recognize when somethings not working - and act on this recognition. NOTE: this is only for casual dating - once you get to a certain point in a relationship, dating other people becomes a definite problem (i've never cheated, or slept with multiple people at the same time.. but these things aren't mutually exclusive).

 

6. Don't expect to change anyone. They are who they are, and have every right to be that person. Just because it's not right for you doesn't mean it's not for them. Live and let live.

 

7. Take time to date, and don't just jump into a relationship with the first person that comes along. They may be great, but you need to know who you are before you can determine what you want.

 

8. It's OK to do things just for you without thought to how other people feel about your actions (again, within certain boundaries). Expect some give and take, but take care of yourself first.

 

9. Don't date serious gamers (unless maybe you are one yourself). This is a personal one, but raises a huge red flag for me. That being said, casual gamers = w/e. The second a guy chooses a game over me though, we're done.

 

10. Continue to develop and maintain your own social support group.

 

11. Maintain your independence.

 

I'm sure I could think of more, but these were the first ones that came to mind.

[ut804]

Thank you ut804.

I wrote that out of personal experience. I have wasted 3 years in a pseudo relationship with a man that I didn't like all that much since the moment we met. He lied to me about his illness, he treated me like dirt, he hacked my personal computer, he manipulated me, and I went back to him begging "please take me back" I thought to myself "How will I ever survive as a single woman in my 30s? What if I lose him now? Who will ever say yes to me? I am too weak to start over."

So, yes, my fears did come true and I'm facing my life as a single woman now, but I'm hanging on. Life with him would be worse than death. I know that.

 

good for you, you're strong and be proud of that a lot of women would have stayed and been unhappy. now you are giving yourself the chance to find someone wonderful. and it's his loss. you are too good for him. we need to remember the long-term happiness that will result by getting out of a bad relationship, not the short term devastation of a break up.

[motley802]

- Don't get too physical on first date

- Accept the fact that your partner might be dating someone simultaneously and don't fret over it.

- Date as many people as possible simultaneously so that the pain of something not working is not that brutal

- If you think there is real chemistry then don't hesitate to propose "exclusive dating" to partner. It reassures them that you are serious about potential relationship and might become exclusive couple in near future.

- And always carry mint gum with you. You never know when the moment is right for kiss

- If you ever encounter a "dating player" drop her/him like hot potato. Its not worth it