Why am I afraid of finding love?

[lovedandlost22]

I've loved and lost and it hurt, a lot. But it's been years, i was barely a teenager when i first fell in love and now, my older sisters the one with the gorgeous baby girl and a husband to die for...and me, I haven't been in a relationship in about 10 years. My first love cheated on me on my best friend and dumped me at christmas. Which hurt. But I got over it, I notice men staring at me on the tube and I...I don't know. I guess I just don't let them approach me, I'm afraid that they will hurt me the way my ex did. How do I get over that?

[hrtlsngl7]

Ummm, you just do. Nothing that happens in your teenage years is really serious. Heck your brain isn't fully formed until about 21-23 years old.

[lovedandlost22]

Judah-It's great that I'm afraid to find love and won't let men approach me?

 

 

hrtlsngl7-I guess but I was a really emotional teenager.

[Sim54]

Are you the quiet one in the corner who never gets picked?

[lovedandlost22]

Hm. Prehaps, I'll try approaching them but I might double back after two words.

And are you?

[lovedandlost22]

I wish I could help you with that "all fear" thing, I don't really fear anything. Except possibly Hitler, he scares me. Although I'd suggest pretending you aren't afraid. If you convince everyone else, you might just convince yourself.

[Xality]

Hey loveandlost22,

 

Is understandable why you feel like this, when your best friend and partner cheat on you is one of the worse things ever, it has happened to me.

 

But you have to understand that getting hurt is part of the gamble that love is, there is absolutely no way to guarantee you will not be hurt again, it won't necessarily be the same way but could be countless of other ways a new love could hurt you.

 

And I am not trying to say all guys are bad and will hurt you, no, even guys who have the best intentions can hurt you... Once I dated this girl for a few weeks, I have never fancied someone so much, both mentally and physically, I promised myself that I could never hurt her... but I did... I know it sounds stupid but as I broke my own promise towards her, I said sorry, explained myself and said I could not see her again because I do not even want to hurt her again.

 

The only thing you can do is try to get to know a guy better and try to give it sometime before you put yourself in a vulnerable position, hang out with him for a while... if you still like what you see then you can make your move to get more intimate, but I cannot stress this enough, be patient.