ex made contact after 4 months

[VictorVic]

I don't know if it means anything or if I am reading too much into it, but this is the first time she contacted me at all in almost 4 months. Just a simple text saying she appreciated all the great things I did for her and how nice I was to her throughout the past few years. I want so bad to text her back today and see if she wanted to grab a beer or something. I was doing okay, trying to go on with my life, but that text was an insane wave of emotions that just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was insane. Now I feel like I do a few months ago. I want her back almost as much as then. Ay advice would be appreciated, Thanks

[militaryman]

Do you know her current situation? Is she single/ seeing someone?

[SlowBlues]

I think it was really unfair of her to message you like that. If I were you I would ignore it and continue moving on. Don't try and analyze what she means by the message because it will drive you crazy. Since you still want her back, she needs to make a better effort than that in my opinion. This is just breadcrumbs. Perhaps she was having a weak moment where she felt emotional but you cannot let this get the best of you. You can't slip from this. Continue to heal and move on for yourself. If she really wanted to get back together or establish meaningful contact, then she would.

[VictorVic]

I don't know but would figure she is single...Knowing her 99 percent likely

[militaryman]

I don't know but would figure she is single...Knowing her 99 percent likely

 

Dont be so sure. I had the same thing happen to me. I was almost certain that she would be single for a while after our breakup, but then found out she rebounded a few weeks later. She also sent me similar message a few months after NC while I still didnt know she had a new bf.

 

On the other hand, it could be her trying to reach out. Its hard to tell without more information. So be careful...

[Eocsor]

Well, sometimes they do that to sort of ease their guilt after the dust has settled. It doesn't mean they want to reconnect.

 

BUT, no one can tell you what her intentions are. All they can do is take a wild guess. So if you really want to see if it's anything more than a friendly text, you'll have to take the leap and ask her out or at least start a dialogue with her to see whats on her mind. It may lead totally nowhere and it may end up hurting you again.

 

You need to ask yourself how strong you are and how much pain you can handle if it leads nowhere. There is no right or wrong answer here. Do what you feel is best.

[Thorshammer]

I dont think its so much being guilty, especially after so long. They feel guilty after the break-up, after a period of time they start to miss you. Its possible they could have carried the guilt for so long, but it all depends on the person. The high of being single and free starts to wear out when they realize they miss the relationship stuff, and they miss the quirks you had.

 

I would say to contact back if you were strong enough. Dont come accross as needy and desperate, and always seem happy and confident, and never mention the relationship unless they do. But expect the worse, as again... make sure you are strong enough.

[VictorVic]

I dont think its so much being guilty, especially after so long. They feel guilty after the break-up, after a period of time they start to miss you. Its possible they could have carried the guilt for so long, but it all depends on the person. The high of being single and free starts to wear out when they realize they miss the relationship stuff, and they miss the quirks you had.

 

I would say to contact back if you were strong enough. Dont come accross as needy and desperate, and always seem happy and confident, and never mention the relationship unless they do. But expect the worse, as again... make sure you are strong enough.

 

Thank you for the response and wow, that almost feel exactly like me. I have been enjoying myself. I have hung out with my friends more then ever, hung out with new people who are fun as well, and just been trying to enjoy live and freedom. But its funny that a few days before the text, and def now after the text, it all hit me like a ton of bricks again. Being single is fun, but it never really was what I wanted. I never wanted her to break up with me and I know miss her like crazy. Miss the dumbest things, quirks as you said. I do not think deep down much will come out of this though but I figure it may be worth at least a phone call. I don't know if I really am strong enough to handle her wanting me out of her life again, but the NC has been broken and I am not sure what to do

[ForumGuy]

If you don't respond, this will be a temporary setback. I have experienced it a few times with my ex over the past 18 months. If she wants you back, she will make more of an effort. If you do respond, I think a simple "smiley face" would do, with no words.

[Brownstone322]

... that text was an insane wave of emotions that just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was insane.

I know this is going to sound counterintuitive, but as long as you're sensing "an insane wave of emotions," then you're not in any position to deal with her, and even if you did have an opportunity to reconcile, you'd be likely to screw it up. The reality of stable relationships is that they're not marked by "insane" emotions. But breakups are.

 

You need more time; value that time, because it's a good thing.

[Thorshammer]

Supposedbly, ex's turn into super-mutants, and can sense when you are moving on. Thats when they reach out. I know this sounds dumb, but it holds very true for many people who go through a break-up.

 

I know ex's came looking for me when it was too late. I did immature things, flirted with them, then dropped off the face of the earth, then flirted and gave them hope, then vanished. I have done this to an ex from 5 years ago, and it continues to this day (i dont give her hope now, I am some-what mature now, she has been creating her own hope and is trying really hard to get me back) I got a huge ego-boost for that, and I didnt then, nor do i now, care at all about what they felt. I would not do that to my current ex though.

 

You could have done everything you do now for fun (minus trying to pick up girls), and had been in a relationship at the same time. You need to balance your non-relationship social circle from your relationship, keep them separate a bit. This actually helps relationships in many ways.

 

I would have contacted back, I am 1 month and 2 weeks, and I would contact back. I believe in NC, but I am not gung-ho like most posters here are. If she reaches out, break NC and use your best judgement, and dont come accross as needy, desperate or clingy. Be cool, calm, a leader, confident, and go out and be busy. Dont answer all calls, dont hang on the phone for too much, hang up first, be busy, and do not bring up the relationship until she does. She takes too long, then say in your head... I AM GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HER, and boom... go back to NC. Switch your mind from saying, "oh no, I failed again, she hates me, no girl will want me" to, "bleh, she took too long, who does she think she is... she isnt perfect, i dont got time to wait... go bug someone esle". Its not easy, but its all based on perspective, I made a grown man cry by telling him about ghosts (lol, power of thought to change the way you feel, act, and your surroundings, powerful stuff), and I was free of hurt for a week when i changed perspective (and of course i blew it when i talked to someone who destroyed that thought and gave me hope, this was a friend who did this, not my ex... but it could have been my ex if there was contact between us, which again.... its not easy when you break nc) changing perspective is a very powerful tool!!!!

[Nick Lansing]

If you don't respond, this will be a temporary setback. I have experienced it a few times with my ex over the past 18 months. If she wants you back, she will make more of an effort. If you do respond, I think a simple "smiley face" would do, with no words.

 

I did this exact thing with my last breakup, after I got a two sentence email from my ex after she'd cut off all contact for 3+ months. I was so happy I didn't want to jinx anything by writing more than And we did get back together.

[Double1983]

Supposedbly, ex's turn into super-mutants, and can sense when you are moving on. Thats when they reach out. I know this sounds dumb, but it holds very true for many people who go through a break-up.

 

 

HAHAHA so true.. hahah u made me laugh man. I know from ex-gf's that as u think u can handle it or u are moving on. BAM! she is back! But now its your turn. IGNORE MODE>> ON! Let her work hard for you! ( man i wish i was in that mind-set, but ok)