Why?

[niceandslow]

So I really just need to vent. I don't get all the BS and games when it comes to dating. Why can't people be honest and straightforward? If you like someone, then tell them. If you don't, tell them. Why make plans to see someone again if you never had any intention of doing so?? Why waste both of our times? I am a level-headed adult. Hey, if you dont want to date me that's fine, just be honest. Don't say one thing then just ignore me.

 

I am just really disappointed to say the least. I have had such crappy luck with men. And after getting out of an abusive relationship earlier this year, I decided to give dating a shot. I thought I found a decent guy and he completely disappears off the face of the earth. It just makes me so mad that he seemed genuinely interested then ignores me.

 

Why can't dating be simple??

[Crusader9]

Amen! haha

 

I couldn't agree more about being straight forwarded and just telling people what is going on. All the games, making sure you have "the power", etc. is so ridiculous & unnecessary.

 

If dating was simple, people would never get married!!! hahah

[annony]

Why? Because it's really really hard to tell someone you don't like them!

Sure it's the honorable thing to do, but it's WAY easier just to not ask them out again.

That's pretty standard treatment, and you're just going to drive yourself crazy if you expect anything else. Try not to get attached to the people that you've only been on one or two dates with, and keep your head high. Eventually you will click with someone who also clicks with you. When this happens you'll know.

[Batya33]

Unless a man made a specific time/place plan for a second or third date (i.e. before we were regularly or exclusively dating) I assumed it was our last date. The "let's do this again sometime" kind of thing was nice to hear but I did not assume he would follow up and make a specific date with me -sort of like a woman saying "we should do coffee sometime". I think telling someone you like them can be a bit overwhelming if you just met. I think a better plan if you like someone is to ask the person out on a date which will convey the same message without it being a bit too much too soon.

[annony]

Unless a man made a specific time/place plan for a second or third date (i.e. before we were regularly or exclusively dating) I assumed it was our last date. The "let's do this again sometime" kind of thing was nice to hear but I did not assume he would follow up and make a specific date with me -sort of like a woman saying "we should do coffee sometime". I think telling someone you like them can be a bit overwhelming if you just met. I think a better plan if you like someone is to ask the person out on a date which will convey the same message without it being a bit too much too soon.

 

^^^^ this too

[Day_Walker]

Dating cant be simple because, you are going out with a person that owes you nothing, when dating your operating on the lowest level of social relationships. People have other stuff going on besides you, people have history, baggage and everything else. There are a lot of unknowns and it gets frustrating. It is important in dating to watch the other persons actions, and not to be blinded by your own perceptions, if the other person gives indications that they want to continue what is currently happening then you go with that.

[niceandslow]

No we made plans for a specific day and time.

[ForumGuy]

It is hard to tell someone you are no longer interested in them because sometimes they want to know "why". I haven't given up on dating completely, but there has to a be real big spark, like in forest fire, for me to take any initiative at all.

 

No we made plans for a specific day and time.

That's not cool to do this, then ignore.

[Batya33]

No we made plans for a specific day and time.

 

Then I think it is rude if he didn't show up -if he changed his mind and cancelled well in advance that's more reasonable.

[Cloud9riddim]

While dating, you really don't know who a person is. It's the process of finding out who a person is. That being said, you can't take anything they say at face value. It's the luck of the draw.

[Batya33]

While dating, you really don't know who a person is. It's the process of finding out who a person is. That being said, you can't take anything they say at face value. It's the luck of the draw.

 

That is true but I don't think that means someone should lower her standards about basic manners and reliability. If someone makes a specific plan I assume the person means it unless an emergency comes up. Getting to know someone doesn't mean assuming everything said is a lie, it merely means that you get to learn more information about a person's character and values. Assuming that a specific plan must be a lie puts such a negative mindset on the process I don't see where dating is worth it with that mind set.

[Cloud9riddim]

I didn't say to think that everything that comes from the person's mouth is a lie. My point is, you can't expect too much from a person you are getting to know, mainly because it takes a while to get to know them/how they operate. S** happens. Peoples feelings change. People you are dating aren't obligated to do anything. I'm not saying that's fair for someone to not show up when plans were already made. But, really, what can you do? Besides trying to understand why? Bottom line, dating is a gamble.

[Cloud9riddim]

I should have said, you can't take EVERYTHING they say at face value... not anything.

[Batya33]

I should have said, you can't take EVERYTHING they say at face value... not anything.

 

I think that's true of any new relationship. I do think that people misinterpret what is said when people are feeling smitten (or desperate).