Syphilis Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hey there from Paris (forgive my bad english...)! The community often got nice insights here regarding relationships issues, so I thought I could share what I'm going through and what's to do. Our Story I'm 27 and she's 26. We've been together for 4 years and a few months. I tried to dump her twice (last year and three months ago). Both times, it was because I felt she was not working hard enough to be successfull : we are both in the drawing / painting business and it asks a lot of commitment, but she's more an easy-going girl that does not like to "force" herself. She works on feelings and guts. I wanted her to wake up and those break-ups were more " fake ultimatums", since I could'nt really live without her... During the se cond break-up phase, I had a rebound for two weeks that opened my eyes on my feelings I had towards her. We kind of got back together, and it was harsh for her. The final break-up About three weeks ago, she told me she did not want to see me anymore, and it had been in her mind for a few weeks before. She felt bad, unhappy in the relationship. She had a very low self esteem at that moment, and I was responsible for a big part of it. She said we were not compatible in our way to see life. She needed some space. She also mentioned my lack of atention (I work a lot) and that she could'nt stand to suffer anymore. In the meantime, she met a guy and started a reltionship with him. About the rebound relationship The dude has listened to her, and she felt they had the "same views" about life (easy-going way). They also share some "creative" interests. Generally speaking, she described him as very "different" from me. She also mentioned some "little things" that she's not too crazy about (sex was terrible, he's a bit jealous, and so on...) but she still wants to give it a shot and know him better. He's a little reserved, whereas I'm more a talkative / outgoing person. She also mentioned that she's not in love with him, and feels "tenderness" for him. She told him she still has feelings for me, but still wanna know him better and see where it goes. She's still a bit jealous about me, and when they did have sex, she felt like she was cheating me. My reactions following the break up It's been three weeks now since she decided to break up and started her new relationship. For the first two weeks, I went the emotional way : told her I love her and understood / apologized for the suffering I caused. She said there was nothing to do, but she'd like to keep in touch with me, regarding the strong connection we have. I was phoning her most of the time, several times a day, and oftenly talking to her phone machine. This last week, as I red some books and found out about this forum, I decided to go NC. I wished her the best for her new relationship. NC lasted until today, when I messaged her over Facebook to tell her I will block her facebook account, to make things easier for me. She answered me a few hours later telling me she understood, and wish I was fine. What's to do? Regarding the fact, that she's been used to live without me with the first break-ups, I'm a bit concerned about that NC thing. Moreover, since she left me due to my lack of atention, isn't NC gonna make her feel I don't care about her? Should'nt I rather go LC? When I was harrassing her over the phone during the first two weeks, it also kind of changed her mind. After a conversation of several hours, she told the reboundee she still felt feelings for me. At the moment, I feel I should go NC / and maybe soft LC. We got so much to share and talk about, It's hard to resist to the urge of sharing and having a great convo with her, but it would be taking the "friends" road, which I'm not ready for at the moment. What do you guys think? Link to comment
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