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Frustrated over being alone


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Hi all. Haven't been posting, but I'm at a low right now. Might as well reach out for help...


Alright so to begin with I'm a complete and utter computer geek. I build, tinker, break, repair, and everything in between computers. Techno nerd also.


Computers and technology is a centerfold of my existence.. My niche is working with them, my very little shred of happiness is the satisfaction of getting something done and done right.


Anyways. I'm not just this, but I also do outside activities-swim, bike, rollerblading, bowling, and parkour.


I'm beginning my first year of college, and I've not had one relationship yet. I've had flings- One date; girl says she wants to date- sets the time and never shows. I've tried dating a few girls [HOPING for a girlfriend] but all they do is one date when they are feeling down to fling themselves to the point so they can ask out they guy they actually want.


With the few times I've kept in contact with a girl after a date. Once I open up- at all, something happens.


It is as if when someone gets close, I shut off. I pick at anything so they will hate my guts. Has happened to me 3 times this last year. I'm always told I open up real easily, but I have no idea that the very moment someone gets close to me caring about them- something happens.


I can't get any girl to date me for a relationship, I can't open up to anyone, rejection is my hobby, and I am at a complete low right now... Can't even sleep.

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The point of dating is to have fun with who you are dating and whatever happens...happens. If you are using dating as a means to an end you are setting yourself up for a high amount of failure. Anyone wants to hope for the best, but to put so much stress and investment after one date which did not work out well will make anyone feel a bit down. Next time you find a lady concentrate on the enjoyment of doing something together rather than hoping to get something attainable out of it.

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I think if you feel so pressured from knowing you're going somewhere.. headed toward a relationship.. why not just forget it's dating.. enjoy hanging out with someone and if it leads somewhere more, somewhere beautiful, enjoy it as much as possible. Try not to think of yourself as looking for a relationship. I think you feel pressured by yourself - no one else. I hope you can work it out. Dating can be so much fun.. even disastrous dates can turn into something beautiful.

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You're trying way too hard. You cannot go out "hoping to find a girlfriend." You should be having fun, attending parties, etc. and if a opportunity presents itself take advantage of it and if that develops into dating/relationship so be it. Build your confidence, who cares if you're a computer nerd some girls I know are also computer nerd and are hot... you'd be surprised. Don't trust people so easily as most people aren't going to be as open as you are especially right away. Be yourself but don't divulge too much information. College changes everyone... this is where the fun begins, you're young I wouldn't want to be in a relationship in college anyway. Enjoy it.

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hi there,

i recently was in a relationship ( if i can it a relationship at all) with a very similar guy to yourself. I was so much in love with him, because he so different, and for me it was something special..

We really tried to be together or actually i tried really hard, i was so patient with him..giving him so many chances.

After i read your post i was shocked, i discovered that he actually had a similar problem like you.

He was full of contradictions, if he wanted something very much, at the same time he would do everything to distroy it!

and absolutely he couldn't open himself to me, and if only a little bit of tension, little, tiny misunderstanding appeared he completely could shut himself off.

there was no communication possible with him.

I don't understand it and i still try to understand... now after reading your post i feel so stupid that i didn't take into account that he could have some problems like this, with his personality, confidence, depression, i silly i was, i took it so personally, i thought it was because of me, that i did something wrong. This guy simply had some problems and there would be nothing more beautiful and bonding for me and our relationship than him just telling me that he had this kind of problems.....but he always was so proud, always had to show how good and perfect he was, like he was scared to show me his real self. He really was looking for a relationship, for someone special and forever. He had tens or even hundreds of relationships and women just run away from him..unfortunately i did the same. I just run away from him. And i still miss him!

This was just a conclusion after reading your posts.

So, i think firstly you have some problems, not serious but you have to realize that you have some, for example ( anger, some destractive tendencies, frustration and depression).

I think you are very interesting guy and looking at you hobbies and what person you are, you should look for older than you girls.

You have to start choosing better, so far i think you made wrong decisions (obviously your issues didn't help) but still good choice is the most important thing.

So be wise about girls you are choosing. I think you are more mature that you friends... Look for a little bit older than you girls, not girl who set up a date and later does not show up!

it was a bad choice- silly girl, you can only blame yourself.

I think you should be happy that you have a passion! how rare it is! you are very lucky that you have something that gives you so much pleasure and happiness.

and computers that's the future! I wish i had that passion, what could i achieve.... i am only an architect and i am loosing my interest slowly...

so care for your passion, because that is even more important than a relationship, because you will have to work all your life.....relationship is beautiful, but it is as well a hard work.

Start believing in yourself and be patient, and little miracles will come.

I am 35 and after the last relationship with that guy, i lost even hope for love! he almost distroyed me with his approach!

And you ? you have everything in front of you love, success, good life and happiness, maybe you have to be a little more patient.

I wish i had all this in front of me because i fell like i am 35 and all is behind me... and that feels the worst.

Even the most beautiful love will fade and loose it freshness and excitement with time, so take it slowly -enjoy the awaiting time.

I wish i had this all in front of me, but i was so in hurry, just like you...

i wish i knew this when i was 20

now i regret that i was so in hurry!


anyway hope this will help, and i hope i don't sound too old!

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