NC from day 1. Never heard from again??

[Day88]

Hi

 

I posted yesterday regarding my break up with my girlfriend of 4.5 years and how I'm trying NC in it's true sense to move on.

 

However I was hoping people could share they're own experiences of NC. Has anyone gone NC from day 1 and never heard a thing from their ex again??

 

The only reason I ask is at the moment I feel like I might never speak to this girl again and after 4 years I find that quite sobering.

 

Thanks.

[aminaSa]

I feel the same right now,its been 9 days and still nothing from him.He said really bad things and i cant believe he doesn't feel the need to say im sorry

[Cheetarah]

Yes and no. I didn't hear anything from one of my exes for 3 years. Not a peep. Then recently we reconnected and it was no better than it was the first time around.

 

My ex from last year May, I have never heard a word from him at all(nor would I want to).

 

I think it's best to assume that you won't. Hope is a lovely thing, but not when it's misplaced or when it hinders you from moving on. In the first situation described, I maintained a lot of hope, subconsciously. It really messed with me. And the latter, I had none. I truly washed my hands of the relationship, as crude as it sounds, and it really helped me move on.

[Day88]

Hi anima thanks for replying.

 

I don't know your situation or how long you were together but for me it's the fact that you share so many thoughts and feelings with someone for years then bang nothing at all. I find it really hard to get my head around.

[Day88]

Mintiya I think that's the hardest part getting rid of the hope that she will contact me but I keep saying that I'm not part of her life now so why would she me. I think I'm trying to shock myself into reality.

[orangesoda]

Hmmm, from my experience, the end result (provided there is no 2nd attempt at a relationship) is that you never hear from them again. I mean that as the final outcome, regardless of what happens in between. Whether you hear from them a couple months down the line, and you sorta/kinda keep in touch (like remembering birthdays, or sending well wishes during the holidays, etc.) or they don't contact you at all after the breakup, the absolute final result is that you two stop communicating. It's just how life goes - new relationships form and they take precedence over old relationships, and new boyfriends/girlfriends will certainly have some issue with how much you communicate with an ex, etc. My point is, whether gradual or not, you keep moving down the totem pole of importance, until finally you just plain fall off (and out of their lives).

 

My own story is that my ex and I nearly had a child together, and for a while I believed that the experience would ensure we would never ever lose touch with each other, given the importance and the trauma of that part of our lives. But that's exactly what happened - for about 4 years after our breakup we always remembered birthdays or if we forgot, we'd be sure to follow up with an apology. But this past year, it didn't happen. Nothing. The usual email never arrived, and I won't lie, I was disappointed, and while that quickly numbed, I still feel a pang of hurt over it when I remember. But I've come to accept that *I* just am (and maybe never was) a priority in her life. As painful as that realization is, it's just a fact of life. I'm sure I have displayed the same behavior to others as well, and they too feel as I do - but I just don't realize it because just as I am not a priority in my ex's life, they were never a priority in mine. So what goes around, comes around, you know?

 

I think it's actually better if they never contact you again because it gives you the chance to just get the whole painful grieving process over instead of dragging it out for months (and even years). I know how you're feeling because those same thoughts ran through my head for a LONG time after my breakup. I think eventually what you come to realize is it's just out of your control - worrying about it makes no difference at all. It's like driving your car everyday - there's a statistical chance that you'll die - but other than driving carefully and obeying the law, worrying about a drunk driver killing you doesn't really reduce the chances that a drunk driver actually DOES kill you. It's just life - you can't preoccupy yourself with those things, or else you'll miss out on all the other wonderful things that life has to offer.

[andreea]

We broke up in January I went NC and than kept contact again for a while, than again NC for 3 months, than again nothing...

I kept contact because I hoped we can close this right so no hard feelings bla-bla...

But since I realized he doesn t want that, he refused even to meet and look into my eyes again, I will just go NC for good... and close this for good... there is no reason playing NC/Contact games...

[1m50L0nl3y]

I went NC for 3 exact months, my ex now wants me back because she is assuming I met someone else. Truth is she is competing with an imaginary woman. If I was a player who only wanted sex NC is the way to go...

Anyway, now she wants to have kids and get married. This is coming from a cold blooded woman, that Im almost sure was cheating on me before I dumped her out of my life. The only reason why I haven't take her back is because she still doesn't want to confess there was other guy... Which tells me she is not 100% sincere.

But yes it works, and the longer you keep NC the better it gets. I also fuel her fire by running hot and cold.

By the way she's not the first woman who I have done this to, it always works, they always want me back, the only thing is that by then I already moved on.

[ForumGuy]

Don't assume that because you haven't heard from them that they are not thinking about you. There are a few reasons why ex's don't contact. Sometimes it is out of love and respect for the person they are broken up with, meaning they respect your need to heal and don't want to give any "false hope". I have been single for 1.5 years now, but my last ex waited 5 weeks to contact me. I was shocked, because at the time I too believed I would never hear from her again. There have been a few contacts by her since then, wanting to be friends...but she is just not friend material. Zero sense of loyalty mainly.

[kuteknish]

It's been 11 months and no contact initiated from his end.

We live in the same town, and the last contact we had was when I was sitting on a bench in town in July and he came over an sat down and we talked for 15 minutes. It's been NC (again) since then. It's hard to be NC and truly have them wonder how you are doing when you live so close. Does he think about me anymore, even though he doesn't contact me? Who knows.

[Mystery Enigma]

I broke NC recently after it ended in early August because I cared about her and she was in the path of an impending hurricane. Wrote a very brief "be safe" note to which she replied with thanks.

 

She contacted me again recently to ask if I was ready to be friends. Didn't reply.