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He HAS walked away...


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I've always thought going into a relationship that it was best to never show him how much you love or care for them. He changed me, taught me how to love completely and without fear...taught me how to express affection both physically and with words.


We were together for almost 3 1/2 years and for the most part we were a happy couple. We got along very well and enjoyed each others company and loved each others family as if they were our own. But like all relationships, we also had our issues. About 3 weeks ago we had another one of our reoccurring talks about our future. We've talked about wanting our own home and a future together but I was tired of just talking. It wasn't an ultimatum but I wanted to really think about a plan and set financial goals for ourselves so that we can reach all these wants together and I was fed up that he wasn't taking any initiative to sit down and plan together as I had asked him to numerous times before. This conversation didn't go well at all. I slept on my side of the bed that night and he on his side with a pillow in the middle to separate us.


The next day after work I came home to find that he had packed all his clothes in the closet and had left me a letter next to my pillow. I was scared to read it...the first lines read: "I am not walking away from you" and those are the words that I've held on to until today. He HAS walked away and after all this time together I apparently don't even deserve a phone call...only text messages because I initiated it. If I didn't text him I don't know when he would've told me that he'd rather be alone then unhappy together. He can't make me happy and doesn't want to waste anymore of our time. He needs to be selfish and needs to get his act together because of bad financial decisions he had made in the past (credit card debts) and doesn't want to be a burden on me and wants to do it on his own. And he will come by on his day off this week to get the rest of his things. After going back and forth, me telling him that I only mean well and obviously just want more for us like we had previously talk about and him telling me that it's not worth it, he's never going to change and cannot make me happy. Our closure text: me: telling him he deserves more then what his work has to offer him and wishing him good luck on whatever he does; him: Sorry for hurting you and causing you so much heartache and that he will learn never to do that to someone again...especially me. The heartbreaking part: both of us saying how sad it is that we are both great but can't be together.


So I thought that was the end of the texts. What else was there to say? Until he texts me again a few hours later asking me for a favor. Him asking me for a favor when all I asked him for was to be able to talk to him about us and he couldn't even do it for me??? His favor: Can you use your credit card to help me purchase something online and for me to deduct the cost from the $$$ that I had of his. Money that I had held on to for our future so he wouldn't spend it. I can't help but lose more respect for him.


My heart is aching and I feel so numb from all the emotions. I don't know how to feel. Sad? Mad? Disappointed? Hurt? Take it one day at a time is the advice. And I have been three weeks ago since this all started but now I am dreading everyday. And I am scared to even think about the rush of emotions and the overflowing tears that I know will come on Wednesday when he comes for the rest of his things.

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I can't begin to know how you feeling but I do feel that this may be the right thing for you. you say you've lost respect for him, what is a relationship without respect? This is clearly an incredibly difficult time for you but I feel that once today is over with and your ex has picked up his things you can truly begin to deal with the pain. The vast majority of the time the anticipation of some event is worse than the event itself, in other words, you can't deal with something until it happens.

The end of any relationship has it's difficulties, even the most unhappy or even abusive relationships. There's the fear of being alone, having to start over, feeling you're not good enough or strong enough to get involved with anyone else. Then of course there are those relationships that were really good (at least from one perspective). This can be so difficult and painful. The wondering about where it all went wrong, what you could have done differently, "If I'd have done this", "If I hadn't said that" etc...

In the end all this does is hurt us more and if there's no hope of a reunion or of salvaging a friendship then a clean break is I feel the best option.

I feel this guy wants to have his cake and eat it, forgive me if I'm reading the situation wrong but I feel that he's too immature to want any real commitment but still wants you around for the support HE needs.

If I have this wrong then I apologise but please do be wary about any favours or requests, be careful not to be taken advantage of. In your situation I would give him time and space, if he's made a mistake and merely had a touch of cold feet (I'm sure we've all been there in the face of commitment) then he will come to realise it by himself if he is truly by himself. In the mean time get on with your life, put into action any plans YOU may have had and show yourself that although things are always better when shared you can enjoy your life without this man.


I don't know how much of this is relevant to you but I hope it helps in some way. I'll be thinking of you today and hoe you find the strength to get through and come through smiling x

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