Compatibility Issue

[hopelesspeanut]

Hi guys (and gals),

 

I've been lurking for a couple days but decided to finally register. I think this is a very nice website with lots of helpful people! What I'm about to write might end up being extremely long but bear with me. Since I'm so new when it comes to relationships, any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

I'm 24-years old but never had a girlfriend until this year (I know, hard to believe, huh?). I was really shy growing up and never bothered to ask girls out on dates. Well, at the beginning of this year I met my current girlfriend. Like I said, she is my first ever girlfriend. I'm only her second boyfriend. I don't want to get into details but she had a bad experience with him. She says that thinking back, she should've broken up with him right away but she was too young/dumb to realize that at the time. Additionally, we're both still virgins. She has also been taking birth control pills for a long time due to some minor skin and hormonal issues. We very rarely argue but when we do, it's always because of our differences in libido. It's like a vicious cycle because every time it's the same issue that pops up.

 

When we started out, things were great. We would get butterflies in our stomachs just lying next to each other, I would get excited even by the smallest of touches, and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I can say that she was the one that initiated most of the things that we did, such as kissing. However, about two weeks into our relationship, she said to me "We should take things slowly." Her reasoning was that she wanted to pace things better and "enjoy every moment of it" without rushing into it. I agreed with her. After her saying this, I clearly did not expect us to maintain the level of heat but I expected some of it to remain alive. A week or two went by without us doing anything (not even making out). When I would try to start things, she would say "Honey, I'm not in the mood" or "I'm tired." This is the same person who couldn't get her hands off of me at the beginning. Small arguments erupted (mainly started by me) because I felt as though the passion was just gone. She then proceeded to explain that she enjoys cuddling/holding hands far more than doing steamy things, as that is considered more romantic to her. I can confidently say that we do plenty of that in our free time and I too enjoy the romantic aspect of our relationship. But it just seems to me that she's stubborn and unwilling to compromise when it comes to physical stuff. To her credit though, she always offers to pleasure me even when she says she's not in the mood. My small complaint is that it all seems very mechanical even though she claims she loves doing it. When we first started dating, we would do frisky things every day or every other day. Nowadays, unless she feels horny herself (once in a blue moon), I'd call myself lucky to have her making out with me once a week.

 

Funny thing: One day I was surfing the web reading up on how to "reignite the spark" in relationships. Later on, she came to my house and saw my browsing history. She sympathized with me and told me that I shouldn't be afraid to talk about it with her and suggested we take a shower together... Without a doubt, I really like it when she takes the initiative because I really dread hearing the "Honey, I'm not in the mood tonight" line. For the record, whenever she was in the mood and I wasn't, I still complied with her. Not once did I reject her advances.

 

We love each other dearly and our families are happy for us. I really want to make this work because she's such a great gal. However, when it comes to this one issue, I feel like we're not ideal for each other. Am I acting unreasonably/spoiled? What's the best way of going about this? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance, guys.

[DN]

Sorry to say but it seems this may be a classic case of 'bait and switch' - i.e. once she feels she has you hooked she doesn't have to bother with anything you want or need but is only concerned with what pleases her. I understand you love her, families are happy, etc. but behaviour like this rarely changes. Sometimes you will get "I won't be like this after we are married" but almost always it reverts especially once she has had all the children she wants.

 

She may be one of the exceptions but I doubt it if she behaves like this this early.

[WockaWocka]

I agree. It's a classic bait and switch. You won't get anywhere by staying with her and basically begging for physical affection. It's a carrot on a string that she will constantly dangle in front of you. Plus she looks at your browser history. Not cool.

 

You're much better off trying to find someone new.

[hopelesspeanut]

I appreciate the help. Thanks, guys. Will keep that in mind from now on.