My success story

[thagator]

Hello all, been a pretty long time since I've posted but this thread is intended to share the outcome of my story and share a few things I learned along the way. Hope it's helpful!

 

Brief backstory: I originally started posting here about half a year ago(jeez, time flies) because my then girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. She cited a few of the classic lines "It's not you it's me," "it just doesn't feel the same anymore," and the always heart breaking "it's just not working anymore." Like anybody else I was shocked, sad, angry and heart broken all at the same time. I knew from my previous break up there was only one thing I could do and that was to go no contact. I didn't know all of the intricacies of it prior to joining this site, and some very helpful people on here steered me in the right direction and advised me at my weakest moments, my near breaking points.

 

The middle: Of course NC was hard from the start, I'll admit for at least the first week I had to fight off the urge to text her every minute of every day. As the hours and days ticked by, however, those urges began to slowly dissipate. I reconnected with old friends who I had somewhat neglected during my relationship, I studied my arse off in my paramedic program and graduated salutatorian, landing a job in the process, and just generally had a good time. It took me about three months before I can say she was hardly ever on my mind. At about the four month mark I get a text..."hey just letting you know you left some stuff at my house and i'm just wondering when you'll pick it up." Me: "I'm busy all the time I'll let you know." That was it, the first contact in four months. Well, I had no real intention of getting that stuff back as it was nothing of value and quite frankly I had no desire to see her. I brushed it off and went about my life not looking back. At around the five and a half month mark I receive another text,,,"hey just wondering how you are and what you have been up to but i'll understand if you don't feel like talking." I was out with friends at the bar and didn't feel like talking...message ignored. A week later..."I know you probably don't wanna talk but you left some stuff at my house and I wanna talk to you, I thought you said we could be friends eventually, just wondering what's up with that?" I responded to that one saying i'm not ready to be friends but at the same time I don't hate her and wished her good luck. Well turns out somebody(not me) had a little too much to drink that night and a few hours later I got texts saying things to the effect of: "I really miss you," and "I think I made a mistake." I texted back saying we'll talk when she's sober. When the sober talk happened she was afraid to admit her true feelings that came out with the alcohol so it was just general small talk about our lives. Then one night a few days later I get a 5 page long text where she poured out her guts(sober): "I can't hold this in any longer, but I miss you and dumping you was the biggest mistake i've ever made and I love you so much, i'll do whatever it takes to make it work." I agreed to meet up.

 

The result: We meet up, with me not really planning on getting back together with her but at the same time giving her the benefit of the doubt and at least listening to what she had to say with an open mind. We have our nice little chat with me being a little distant and guarded, resistant even. Turns out SHE took most of the blame for the break up. She even pointed out her own faults during and talked about how stupid she was and how she would never let that happen again. Even went on to say that she was way more happy with me in her life than without. Well, I decided to give her a hug...she cried, not with tears of sadness, but happiness just to be in my arms again. I folded like a lawn chair and kissed her. We hung out casually a few times over the next week and after that we are a couple again. Been a month and it's going better than ever.

 

Conclusion: My main point is to not rub it in anyone's face but to show you that YOU can have a success story, anybody can. And I don't mean a success story with a hollywood ending where your lover comes back. The biggest success throughout my little journey was not how I got my ex back, it was how I got myself back and then some. You all can do it, it just takes time, some longer than others. Get yourself back, get that confidence back and go find love, whether it be with your ex, or somebody new.

 

Things I learned: 1.) NC DOES work! Not to get your ex back necessarily but to get yourself and your confidence back.

2.) You can't fake nonchalance, you can only pull off the nonchalant method if you truly are at that point.

3.) If you are going to take somebody back, take them back fully or not at all. Never punish your ex for the "mistake" of breaking up with you

4.) Love really does find a way.

 

Sorry for the length

[DN]

Good story and good advice. Well done and I hope this time the happiness lasts.

[wolflovesmoon]

This story is very inspiring, very encouraging and just opened a door of hope like a glimpse of light in the a total darkness. your story has boost my spirit and my willingness to try harder. My ex broke up with me, because i wasn`t completely 100% genuine. there is no excuse to what i did because i had the ability to change it and prevent the damage from happening, I love her with every bone in my body, what i shared with her was and will always beyond describe, a spiritual experience , now she doesn`t want to be with me, we still text and talk on the phone sometimes after i went few days without NC. just so we both can forget about the negative feelings, it was all a clean cut, i agreed on the break up and i respected her decision. i am taking it easy and trying, without pushing, i hope she comes back to me, and just like your ex promised to never let the same things happen, i promised my self not to let the same things happen ever. thanks for sharing your success story and Good luck mon ami.

[MakeItCount]

*gets that dirt off his shoulder* ALL ME BABY! Just kidding.

 

Glad to hear it man! I love the part where you said you folded like a lawn chair, I think all of us would've done the same in your situation haha, can only act like a rock so much. Best of luck with it brother and hopefully this one goes the distance!

[thagator]

Thanks everyone. MIC you're dead on with your rock comment. I was fully prepared to be with other girl(s) but when those tears started flowing it really tugged at my heart strings.

[jeepman41]

NC does give you the strength to move on even to the point of nonchalance. Glad to hear your success story and hope all works out well for you this time around.

[jolbell69]

thagator - thank you so much for sharing!! Your story should give us all hope that we can move on, and love again - whether with our ex or someone new is irrelevant. I wish you continued good luck and a happy life!!

[aminaSa]

so nice to read this

[meoww]

It's nice to hear that things developed without any drama. That's so rare! I hope things are better this time around.

[Double1983]

Great story!! but a question.. U where ready to move on after those months. She was ready to move right after the BU, right? Didnt she had a other guy in that time? or didnt u care that she maybe with someone else?

[kuteknish]

Good for you Gator!!! I wish you tons of happiness.

[Nick Lansing]

Great story! You kept your dignity and handled it with class.

 

It goes to show that if you treated your ex well during the relationship, and maintain your dignity (which means no or ery little contact, no game-playing, etc.) after the breakup, there's a good chance your ex will return. But you can't wait aroud; if they do come back it will be when they're ready fo it, as opposed to when you want them to.

[thagator]

Great story!! but a question.. U where ready to move on after those months. She was ready to move right after the BU, right? Didnt she had a other guy in that time? or didnt u care that she maybe with someone else?

 

During that time she didn't have a different boyfriend at all, but we're both young and go to parties so I'm sure she hooked up with a guy or two, i'll probably never ask because it's none of my business and it might make me a little mad...even though i can't say I was exactly a saint during our time apart. No girlfriends...just a few hook ups for me.

[thagator]

Great story! You kept your dignity and handled it with class.

 

It goes to show that if you treated your ex well during the relationship, and maintain your dignity (which means no or ery little contact, no game-playing, etc.) after the breakup, there's a good chance your ex will return. But you can't wait aroud; if they do come back it will be when they're ready fo it, as opposed to when you want them to.

 

Exactly. I should have pointed out that during our relationship there was no cheating, no abuse either verbal or physical, nothing at all like that. Just a "routine" break up. There was no bad blood during or after the break up. I should also say that if some of you give NC a chance and something like my story happens, make sure you're far along enough where the fog has lifted and you can make an unbiased judgement as to whether or not you really do want your ex back. I have read stories on here and I wouldn't give the time of day to some of your ex boyfriends and girlfriends if they treated me that way(cheating, lying, abuse, etc).

[Nick Lansing]

Exactly. I should have pointed out that during our relationship there was no cheating, no abuse either verbal or physical, nothing at all like that. Just a "routine" break up. There was no bad blood during or after the break up. I should also say that if some of you give NC a chance and something like my story happens, make sure you're far along enough where the fog has lifted and you can make an unbiased judgement as to whether or not you really do want your ex back. I have read stories on here and I wouldn't give the time of day to some of your ex boyfriends and girlfriends if they treated me that way(cheating, lying, abuse, etc).

 

Agreed. In my experience it takes about 3 or 4 months for the fog to start to lift, on both sides.

 

Also, gator, I agree about NOT ASKING what happened when you were apart. The last time I reconciled with an ex that was a huge issue. Wish I'd never opened that pandora's box.

[thagator]

Agreed. In my experience it takes about 3 or 4 months for the fog to start to lift, on both sides.

 

Also, gator, I agree about NOT ASKING what happened when you were apart. The last time I reconciled with an ex that was a huge issue. Wish I'd never opened that pandora's box.

 

Yea I think we both understand that during our time apart we both did things with other people. If she asks i'll answer honestly but I'll probably never ask her. No sense in me getting mad/jealous over something that's A. none of my business and B. something i'm also guilty of.

[mending23]

Great news! We all hope one way or another we follow your story - either through the getting over or all the way to getting back together.

[leq]

Hi Mate

 

Just wondering if there is anything you feel contributed to the break up that you may have excluded from your post?

 

Not so say you are not being truthfull in your posts, but were there any "issues" that she voiced to you that you may not have mentioned?

 

I would like to say i'm potentially in a similar situation myself, all depending on your answer to the above really

 

Great you have made it though mate, congrats

 

All the best

 

Leq

[mhowe]

Great story! You kept your dignity and handled it with class.

 

It goes to show that if you treated your ex well during the relationship, and maintain your dignity (which means no or ery little contact, no game-playing, etc.) after the breakup, there's a good chance your ex will return. But you can't wait aroud; if they do come back it will be when they're ready fo it, as opposed to when you want them to.

 

Totally agree -- and also your comment about not punishing them for their decision. You now enter into the reconciliation phase. Code word PATIENCE.

[CMS]

Good for you gator, I remembered you when I first joined and its nice to see you in such a better place now, let alone getting her back, happy for you man

[thagator]

Hi Mate

 

Just wondering if there is anything you feel contributed to the break up that you may have excluded from your post?

 

Not so say you are not being truthfull in your posts, but were there any "issues" that she voiced to you that you may not have mentioned?

 

I would like to say i'm potentially in a similar situation myself, all depending on your answer to the above really

 

Great you have made it though mate, congrats

 

All the best

 

Leq

 

Oh of course there were things I contributed. Nothing major that I did intentionally...in fact I can say that for both of us. For instance, I didn't bring her around my family or friends as much as she did for me, and I wasn't the best of listeners. Also, I had the problem of holding things in when she did anything I felt was wrong. Just stuff like that basically.

[kaput]

Oh of course there were things I contributed. Nothing major that I did intentionally...in fact I can say that for both of us. For instance, I didn't bring her around my family or friends as much as she did for me, and I wasn't the best of listeners. Also, I had the problem of holding things in when she did anything I felt was wrong. Just stuff like that basically.

 

 

I can relate to that. One of the reasons for my breakup was the friends thing, as you have mentioned. I work with this girl however and i'm having a very hard time knowing what to do. Nc is just not an option for me. Especially when she has text me 7 nights out of the last 10 saying she misses me. sending me hearts etc. What would you have done?

[kaput]

Also mate

 

I know obviously it is impossible to say, but in your opinion: do you think that you would have reconciled without no contact?

 

Kaput

[thagator]

Also mate

 

I know obviously it is impossible to say, but in your opinion: do you think that you would have reconciled without no contact?

 

Kaput

 

Honestly, I have no idea whether or not we would have reconciled. I can tell you though, without no contact even if we had reconciled, it would have a VERY slim chance at being successful. No contact gave me the chance to take a large step back, figure out where I went wrong in the relationship, figure out what I really wanted...and it truly made her miss me and realize how good she had it. If I had stayed in contact none of those things would have happened, especially the missing part.

[vel2011]

Inspiring story. Being a month into a GF of 2.5 years ending it for no major reason (no cheating, major arguments etc etc), just saying it's the hardest decision she'd ever made and she still loves me but it feels like the 'right thing to do', you've given me faith I'm doing the right thing.

 

I accepted her decision, bowed out with dignity and haven't initiated contact once. She broke it last week saying she missed me and is finding it hard but thinks we're not right for each other even though only a few months ago she was 'in love' with me and talking about living together. So I will use this as further inspiration to stick to NC, better myself, learn where I messed up (becoming too available and easy and sometimes doing what I thought she wanted rather than being myself), and hopefully in however many months / years I will be over it and free to love again, whether it be with her or someone else.