thagator Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hello all, been a pretty long time since I've posted but this thread is intended to share the outcome of my story and share a few things I learned along the way. Hope it's helpful! Brief backstory: I originally started posting here about half a year ago(jeez, time flies) because my then girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. She cited a few of the classic lines "It's not you it's me," "it just doesn't feel the same anymore," and the always heart breaking "it's just not working anymore." Like anybody else I was shocked, sad, angry and heart broken all at the same time. I knew from my previous break up there was only one thing I could do and that was to go no contact. I didn't know all of the intricacies of it prior to joining this site, and some very helpful people on here steered me in the right direction and advised me at my weakest moments, my near breaking points. The middle: Of course NC was hard from the start, I'll admit for at least the first week I had to fight off the urge to text her every minute of every day. As the hours and days ticked by, however, those urges began to slowly dissipate. I reconnected with old friends who I had somewhat neglected during my relationship, I studied my arse off in my paramedic program and graduated salutatorian, landing a job in the process, and just generally had a good time. It took me about three months before I can say she was hardly ever on my mind. At about the four month mark I get a text..."hey just letting you know you left some stuff at my house and i'm just wondering when you'll pick it up." Me: "I'm busy all the time I'll let you know." That was it, the first contact in four months. Well, I had no real intention of getting that stuff back as it was nothing of value and quite frankly I had no desire to see her. I brushed it off and went about my life not looking back. At around the five and a half month mark I receive another text,,,"hey just wondering how you are and what you have been up to but i'll understand if you don't feel like talking." I was out with friends at the bar and didn't feel like talking...message ignored. A week later..."I know you probably don't wanna talk but you left some stuff at my house and I wanna talk to you, I thought you said we could be friends eventually, just wondering what's up with that?" I responded to that one saying i'm not ready to be friends but at the same time I don't hate her and wished her good luck. Well turns out somebody(not me) had a little too much to drink that night and a few hours later I got texts saying things to the effect of: "I really miss you," and "I think I made a mistake." I texted back saying we'll talk when she's sober. When the sober talk happened she was afraid to admit her true feelings that came out with the alcohol so it was just general small talk about our lives. Then one night a few days later I get a 5 page long text where she poured out her guts(sober): "I can't hold this in any longer, but I miss you and dumping you was the biggest mistake i've ever made and I love you so much, i'll do whatever it takes to make it work." I agreed to meet up. The result: We meet up, with me not really planning on getting back together with her but at the same time giving her the benefit of the doubt and at least listening to what she had to say with an open mind. We have our nice little chat with me being a little distant and guarded, resistant even. Turns out SHE took most of the blame for the break up. She even pointed out her own faults during and talked about how stupid she was and how she would never let that happen again. Even went on to say that she was way more happy with me in her life than without. Well, I decided to give her a hug...she cried, not with tears of sadness, but happiness just to be in my arms again. I folded like a lawn chair and kissed her. We hung out casually a few times over the next week and after that we are a couple again. Been a month and it's going better than ever. Conclusion: My main point is to not rub it in anyone's face but to show you that YOU can have a success story, anybody can. And I don't mean a success story with a hollywood ending where your lover comes back. The biggest success throughout my little journey was not how I got my ex back, it was how I got myself back and then some. You all can do it, it just takes time, some longer than others. Get yourself back, get that confidence back and go find love, whether it be with your ex, or somebody new. Things I learned: 1.) NC DOES work! Not to get your ex back necessarily but to get yourself and your confidence back. 2.) You can't fake nonchalance, you can only pull off the nonchalant method if you truly are at that point. 3.) If you are going to take somebody back, take them back fully or not at all. Never punish your ex for the "mistake" of breaking up with you 4.) Love really does find a way. Sorry for the length Link to comment
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