In excruciating pain!!!..PLEASE Help

[travella]

I am in excruciating pain. Two weeks ago, after finding inappropriate emails, I asked my ex if he wanted me or if he wanted to keep playing around, he couldn't answer. So, I made the decision to leave. Quick background: My ex has not had a gf in the past seven years..his history consist mostly of one night stands.

 

Anyway, it was incredibly hard to break things off. We were together for about a year. He had broken up with me the first time due to his not wanting a relationship. But then he came back after 5 months of no contact and realized his love for me.

 

This time, when I questioned him about these emails, he admitted he couldn't trust himself to be faithful, so I had to leave the relationship. He never fought for us to stay together. In the end, he just accepted it and moved on. Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that he's been really busy with his company. For me, I can't even get out of bed or stop crying. How can he be so callous to leave me again just so he can have his thrill again with other girls? All he ever said was how wonderful I am and how I am the best girl he has ever met. Why then is he doing this?

[epiphanyofcool]

He may have meant all those words, but he's just unable to change his nature. He did come back once, but then he realized he couldn't make it work, that's why he didn't fight for it. Now it appears that he is moving on. It's good that you learnt about this, it'll help you focus on moving on as well. I know it's extremely painful, you just have to force yourself to NOT think about him AT ALL... EVER. Stay busy, be alone as little as possible. Move in with a friend for a couple of weeks, this is what a friend of mine did once and it helped a lot to be away from his house and constantly having some support right by his side. Stay strong, don't give in to the pain, ok?

[travella]

Problem is I don't know how to move on. My thoughts are constantly about him.

[SorrowandPain]

Just stay strong and talk to whomever you can. Everyone here has experienced the same kind of pain that you're feeling and if it helps, it's a feeling that most humans will feel. Make sure you talk to someone if you can't bare the pain anymore. It will subside more and more to a manageable level with time.

[epiphanyofcool]

Right now, it's impossible to even think of moving on, you just have to take it one day at a time. Try to think about the reasons why this is ultimately for the best, think about a previous ex- who you also didn't think you would heal from and then somehow you did. Talk your friends' ears off, post on this forum like you're going for a record. Basically, you need to do some catharsis, and you need to try to think positive, as hard as it may be. Fight with all your might. Also, Sundays are always the worst days in situations like this. Tomorrow, with the start of the work week, you'll be busy again and hopefully, you'll have some distractions to help you forget, if just for a moment or two.

[bri427]

if a guy says he dont trust himself to be faithfull...believe it. thats some of the honest and most real things they will admit. the fact he shared that with u means yes, you were different then the rest. the fact he didnt chase after you or beg for you to stay means...he knows it will be worst to ask you to stay knwoing he'll prolly hurt you. soemtimes the meanest thing to do is the BEST thing to do. he was saving you from pain he obviosuly knew he'd cause. im not defending him or anything i know ure in pain...jst try to look at it from a diff approach. stay strong.

[travella]

Do you think he will regret it one day? I will never understand why he can't be faithful. Is it because I am not good enough?

[Perrin83]

if a guy says he dont trust himself to be faithfull...believe it. thats some of the honest and most real things they will admit. the fact he shared that with u means yes, you were different then the rest. the fact he didnt chase after you or beg for you to stay means...he knows it will be worst to ask you to stay knwoing he'll prolly hurt you. soemtimes the meanest thing to do is the BEST thing to do. he was saving you from pain he obviosuly knew he'd cause. im not defending him or anything i know ure in pain...jst try to look at it from a diff approach. stay strong.

 

Do you think he will regret it one day? I will never understand why he can't be faithful. Is it because I am not good enough?

 

I agree with bri on this one. While his actions, now, are paining you, he did the honorable thing and mitigated your pain as much as possible. Why would you want him to regret his decision?

 

To answer your question: Some people thrive on the newness..the chase. It's nothing about you, just like it wasn't about the other girls that he didn't stay with. I would take it as a complement that your relationship lasted as long as it did. He obviously saw/felt something in you that was important to him.

 

Like the others, I would suggest you move on. Try writing a note to him, but burn it or shred it when you're done. Forgive him for the small amount of pain he caused you and thank him for sparing you the greater pain that could have been.

 

Good luck!

[travella]

I want him to regret for throwing me away in pursuit of the chase. That is what I want him to regret about. I want him to see that the love we had was special and it doesn't come that often. I want him to truly regret it once he's lost me forever.

[MK9]

I want him to regret for throwing me away in pursuit of the chase. That is what I want him to regret about. I want him to see that the love we had was special and it doesn't come that often. I want him to truly regret it once he's lost me forever.

 

The best revenge is to live well.

[Perrin83]

I want him to regret for throwing me away in pursuit of the chase. That is what I want him to regret about. I want him to see that the love we had was special and it doesn't come that often. I want him to truly regret it once he's lost me forever.

 

Let me get this straight: You want him to suffer for doing the honorable thing and sparing you the pain that infidelity would have caused?

 

You sound like one of the most spoiled, selfish people I have ever heard of.

[ChocoBears]

hey, i know how you feel. you want him to suffer because you're angry right now, and you want him to feel just a fraction of the pain that you're feeling right now. and you want him to recognize the great loss of you, a wonderful girlfriend. my breakup is for a different reason than yours, but the theme is similar. i felt like i gave him the best love that a person could give, and he told me similar stuff as your ex had told you, like all the great things. in the end, he still broke up with me because he couldn't give me what i wanted, or he wasn't capable of giving me what i wanted, and i was angry. i thought that if you really loved someone and you really think someone is so great, you'd do whatever it takes to make things work. sometimes we fall in love with the other person's potential, or our idea or fantasy of what this person could be, but the reality is a stark contrast. we're not seeing them for who they really are. we hope for the best.

 

the first week of my breakup, i was in excruciating pain also. crying nonstop, having trouble getting out of bed, or to do anything really, like eating and sleeping. for a while i was really angry with him, then i got depressed, and sometimes i still wish that we could be together, but i really dont. the pain will subside, and you will feel better.

[hazelnut321]

Travella, Welcome- I've not been around too much. Many of us know all too well the pain you are going through.

 

It sounds as if you dodged a bullet with this one. I'm convinced that some men just can't be faithful- it's not that they want to screw around, it's almost out of their control. Thank God that most men aren't addicted to the thrill of new sex.

 

From your description, this guy probably really loves you. Nevertheless, you need to move on. I'm sure you're younger than I am, so there's plenty of time to find a loyal man. There is no heartbreak worse IMO than to be with a guy that sleeps around.