Worried About Ex After Hurricane

[AlxEss]

I live on the East Coast and made it through the Hurricane pretty unscathed but I'm worried about my Ex.

 

My Mom mentioned that someone who lives in the same town as my Ex has extensive flooding in her home and no power and I can't help the anxiety I feel about my ex even though she hasn't reached out to me in many months.

 

I'm trying to figure out what to do.

 

If i send a short "hope you haven't been effected by the storm too bad, stay safe" note, I know it'll put my anxiety to bed. But at the same time, if I get no response or even a generic one, I'll be upset about the situation. But if I get something else, I may run with it and put myself through all that pain all over again. I'm not sure if she's with anyone at the moment, but she was dating casually as of our last contact about 3 months ago.

 

What should I do?

[MakeItCount]

Leave it. She didn't message you right? You're not ready, so just be on your way.

[italiannmf24]

Don't message her. Odds are, she's fine and safe.

 

You need to start worrying about you.

[Thorshammer]

My ex might have flooding since she has a basement apartment and its alwas prone to flooding, even with just normal rain, and I was her only protector and half her life in nyc. I would have been there if we were together. My area was a zone B possible flood area (medium range for flooding), hers wasnt.

 

I still wont reach out. My mom said that if she doesnt call now, then she is really gone. My mom even feels bad that shes doing this alone. I try not to care, I envision her with another man, or her not reaching out to me considering I live close to a river, and said, naaaah, I am good. Though I have been missing her like crazy now, I am back at week2 in this breakup, and i think the hurricane has something to do with it.

 

Unless you broke up with her, or you messed up before bu that resulted in the bu, i wouldnt reach out. But, if you were healed and can take a set-back and/or disappointment, and with no motive, then you should.

[AlxEss]

Well y'all cam yell at me all you want but i had a few drinks and did it.

 

She said Likewise, and I said if you really cared you would have reached out. I mean im not in your life anymore so you shouldnt worry about me. You left me with a lot of hard questions I had to answer by myself and that's not fair.

 

She said. You're right. I apologize. I do worry though.

 

Then I went on a minirant about how being an adult means owning up to your actions and facing the consequences. That if she wanted to leave me she should have told me. I would have taken it better.

 

I said some things that have been building in me for months.

 

On one hand, I feel good it's out there. On the other hand, it's still very upsetting how she still will not face what she did to me and own her actions.

[Ariel85]

So, it sounds like this had nothing to do with you being worried about her safety, and all about you needing an excuse to go off on her.

 

Hope it worked out the way you wanted.

[RitaTrue]

^Ha, breaking NC hardly works out that way. Chances are OP feels even more troubled than they'd just let it go...

[bulletproof]

So, it sounds like this had nothing to do with you being worried about her safety, and all about you needing an excuse to go off on her.

 

I agree that it seems there was an ulterior motive. I also think that it's a little unhealthy to use a few drinks as an excuse to text and then say what's on your mind. If you needed to do that, maybe sober and without the premise of worrying about her would have been a better option.

[Mellie]

Don't worry about it. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter that you had a lapse? Let yourself off the hook, but learn from it so you don't repeat it in the future.

 

When the riots were going on here (my ex lives overseas) I expected something, but I didn't hear a peep. I was annoyed, but that's ok. On the flipside, I did ask him not to contact me.

 

Meh, whatever. It's done now.

[Oneironaut]

I said if you really cared you would have reached out. I mean im not in your life anymore so you shouldnt worry about me. You left me with a lot of hard questions I had to answer by myself and that's not fair.

 

With all due respect, and this is going to sound more harsh than it is intended, but reading the bold part made me feel embarrassed for you, because I've been there, and I realized later how utterly clingy, needy, desperate, and foolish it made me look. I hope you never, ever do anything like that again, for your own sake.

 

P.S. If she DID care, she would have reached out. By your own admission, she made it clear that doesn't, so it's time to let it go and move on. I'm sorry.

[MakeItCount]

The reason why a lot of people ask for advice on random things like these (like my cat died, our long lost mutual friend has cancer, there's a small chance of rain, etc) is because they're looking for an excuse to contact the ex. Most of us can see right through it..if we can, so can the ex. And that's exactly what happened; you called, she was fine, and you went on a rant. I advise this be the last point of contact you make with her unless you want to look like a fool.

 

Good luck.

[AlxEss]

Mellie, it didn't set me back that much. We'll see tomorrow, but it wasn't that huge of a lapse for me.

 

Bulletproof, I never said I had drinks with the purpose of contacting her. Am I not allowed to indulge myself every now and then? Had there not been a rare natural disaster, I doubt I would have given her safety a second thought.

 

Oneironaut, I'm sorry that you feel embarrassed for me. The worst thing I could think about me saying that line is that it would be my intention partly to make her feel guilty, as she should after what she did to me. No harm, no foul. I do admit I still kind of have some unreal expectation for her to apologize fully, but in no way is it healthy or desirable to be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable girl as herself. To be honest, I don't care how I look. She did things that I would have a hard time forgiving her for, even if she was sincerely sorry for them. You can be embarrassed for me being kind of petty but as hurt as I am from someone who was so close to me, I'm gonna let myself off easy on this one.

 

RitaTrue, I hate to disappoint, but I'm less troubled than when I first posted here. Maybe it's the high of getting things off my chest that have been there for awhile or maybe the reinforced idea that she still does not have any remorse nor any semblance of responsibility that has made me think, "eh nothing's changed, still not worth my time," but I feel very much in the moment.

 

MakeItCount, a small tidbit but this was all done through texts as "she hurts too much yet to speak to me" but doesn't hurt too much to see other guys. Should give you a good idea of how I have no choice but to stay away.

 

Of course I was in an intense 2-year relationship, so the struggle will continue shortly I'm sure. But she didn't say or show anything I didn't already know. It's still a damn shame and kind of sad, but not nearly as tragic as it was a few months ago.

[hausser]

Dude I got shirty with people here too when my ex broke NC with me, I started to feel a bit more humble when she started messing me around again a few days later though.

[Mustachio]

Well Im glad you feel better for getting that off your chest. And believe me, nobody here is trying to attack you about your actions. Almost all of us have come on here looking for advice, then immediately done the complete opposite because its hard.

 

The issue is that you werent being truthful to us or yourself about your motives for contacting her. You claimed it was because of the hurricane, but it obviously wasnt. You just used that as an excuse.

 

Another issue is that this kind of contact (especially if it continues) usually just leads to problems. The dumper doesnt want to hear it, the relationship is over, they wanted it over, they dont want to continue it by having to listen to problems, etc etc. And if that type of contact continues it will only cause more issues than it solved.

 

If it was a one time thing you absolutely needed to get off your chest, then its all well and good that you did it. I just wonder because of the fact that you werent even being honest with yourself about the reasons to contact her. What will be the next excuse to contact again?

[Kitkat973]

Well, contacting her is something that is already done. You can't go back and change it.

 

You know now that she's safe, and that her attitudes on the relationship haven't changed.

 

Where are you going to go from here?

[Sweetkisses22]

I made the same mistake as you.

 

We were together for a year and have been apart for 6 months. Even though he has been awful to me in the past when we were together I still think about him late at night. I also was going through the hurricane here in nj. He is in nc and I know they got it bad so I texted him saying "just want to tell you to stay safe and keep indoors." I didn't really expect a response to that but after a couple of hours went by and noticed that he never bothered to respond basically hit me that he never cared. And he really didn't care whether I was affected by irene either. He never responded..

 

 

THIS IS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. It is over.

[AlxEss]

A lot of posts on here are asking me what's next.

 

To that, I'm not too sure nor would I know. I had a huge plan in place and we all know how that turned out since I'm on here. So why not just live without this sort of planning?

 

If anything, one thing I've learned is that life makes a fool of those who are sure so there is no use to predicting which end you will come out on. I know she's not going to grow up anytime soon so I'm not basing my life around her. At the same time, I'm grieving for someone who doesn't exist anymore and that's tough. Especially since she was my comfort in uncertain times. I have no comfort and the times are growing more and more uncertain.

 

Any reaching out is because of this, but I know better to do it with someone as uncaring, childish and irresponsible as who she is now.