GettingBetter Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I just signed up for a new online dating service, and my top match is this beautiful girl my age, in the same city, profession (engineering -- which is rare for women), and we have so much in common it's just amazing. I'm in the middle of writing my first email to her right now, but I just wanted to get some insight. I'm really stoked about this girl, and I don't want to scare her off. I'm not suggesting we meet any time soon, rather just talking about our common interests, and already my email is like 10 lines long, and that's omitting quite a lot. Do you think she would be flattered to receive a longer email from someone like me? Or, do you think I still need to cut the length down? I mean, it's possible that her interests are more atypical for a woman to have, thus she may have many guys she's similar too, whereas all of us may be similar to only a few girls like her... Anyways, just wanted to get some feedback. Thanks! Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Relax! It's just a profile - not a person. lol I never read long emails, as they were usually form letters, or a bio of the guy. No one has that much to say to a stranger that would be that interesting. lol Keep it short and sweet. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I am thinking this may be your first experience ever with online dating. Please don't put too much hope into it. This girl might be the top match with many guys and you may be the top match with many girls. The best you can do is keep it short and light at first. If she takes a liking to you, you will know it because she will write back enthusiastically. I have had a lot of experience on these sites, gone on many dates, and even lived with a couple of the gals. Just don't put too much hope into any one person until some emails and especially a face-to-face meeting have taken place. Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Thanks for the replies. Yes, I am very new to online dating. I took a step back and started a letter from scratch. You're right -- it's actually better now that it's shorter. I'll try not to get my hopes up. Link to comment
WildHorse Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'll take the opposite stance... I prefer longer emails because they show a person is interested in more than just my profile picture. I generally ignored messages that were just one or two lines. With that said, though, don't get your hopes up... girls get TONS of emails, and I've heard from several guys that a majority of their emails do not get responses. Good luck, though!! Link to comment
banal Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Well, don't get excited. You're just getting your hopes up and you haven't even contacted her yet... Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Well, thanks again. I sent off the response, at 7 sentences. It doesn't look or feel long, but it is very sincere -- every sentence is talking specifically to her. Also, I should have mentioned, her profile was itself very long -- probably twice the length of mine, and I don't consider mine to be at all terse. One more question: When it comes to online dating photos, I have a good one for my profile pic, but would it be ok to include a picture of me ballroom dancing with another girl? Ballroom dancing is something I'm fairly big into -- at one time, I was dancing three nights a week. Or, should I leave that out? Link to comment
banal Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Well, thanks again. I sent off the response, at 7 sentences. It doesn't look or feel long, but it is very sincere -- every sentence is talking specifically to her. Also, I should have mentioned, her profile was itself very long -- probably twice the length of mine, and I don't consider mine to be at all terse. One more question: When it comes to online dating photos, I have a good one for my profile pic, but would it be ok to include a picture of me ballroom dancing with another girl? Ballroom dancing is something I'm fairly big into -- at one time, I was dancing three nights a week. Or, should I leave that out? Include it. Include pictures of yourself looking happy, smiling, stuff like that. Link to comment
tmtex Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 On online there is a lot of BS'ers out there. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Chances are she probably won't reply. Welcome to the world of online dating, hope you have a tough skin. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I think you should leave any pictures of you with a woman.....chi Link to comment
timlondon Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Welcome to online dating It's incredibly cut-throat and in my view it's as much effort as meeting people "in real life". It's also a weirdly exaggerated dating scenario where hot people get almost all the attention and merely great people get less than they deserve. Looking back at my own actions I'm guilty of this as much as anyone else, somehow I set the bar much higher online than I do when meeting in person - it's so incredibly easy to click "next" SO: once you've sent your short but funny message the next step is to completely forget about this person. If she's hot chances are you've chosen someone out of your league. If not that then you just may not be compatible... and if not that then your message may just have been lost in the hundreds of pictures of penises she's been sent (no joke). So forget about her, and if she happens to reply then great! if not, then nothing lost. Don't get hung up on a profile. Once you've been through all this you will get to experience the fun of meeting up in person and finding they've dramatically mis-sold themselves.. but that's all in the future for you Online dating is actually a great way of meeting people (just spent the weekend with a great girl I met online and have several dates coming up this week) but as a guy it requires a lot more effort than you might think. Good luck! Link to comment
superfox Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I think you should leave any pictures of you with a woman.....chi Agree! Although it's a dance partner the object of your internet affection *may* wonder who it is and what relationship. Although all innocent, I'm guessing. it's just what we do. Not nearly as bad as obvious wedding photos with the wife cropped out - seen a few of those before! hahaha! When she replies, ask her about herself and just be upbeat and friendly, best of luck! Link to comment
april15 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Solo pictures only imo... I got the following advice on emailing on dating sites and it seemed to work well: Be friendly, be literate (no spelling errors or texting shortcuts), address two items of interest from her profile, and end politely with a phrase something like... I look forward to hearing from you. Link to comment
adamt Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 You can write an amazing email, but if they don't fancy you in the picture then they wont reply. Keep it short just saying hello and comment on thing in their profile and look for common interest. Dont go over board or come accross a jerk. They will get a few emails and see through you. Be open minded but expect a lot of knockbacks. Lool at it as everyone is window shopping and trying to find a pair of shoes that fit perfectly. Usually they go home with nothing Link to comment
AndrewJ Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Not trying to pi$$ on your bonfire mate but I have major insight into this. I was in same position as you, 'clicked' with someone online, spent a while messaging, IM'ing, put loads of energy, hope, whatever. She said she felt chemistry for me etc. So we went on a date, sadly she didn't feel any spark so that's it! Lessons learned, ie don't put too much hope into an on-line persona until you have met them and decided you have something to build on. I made this mistake and will never again! Link to comment
april15 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Andrew has a great point. 2 or 3 emails, a chat session or two and then if you are still feeling a virtual connection it is time to make that real world meeting and see if there is chemistry (and honesty, some of those folks are good at photoshop). Link to comment
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