Self harm and Stress...

[UniGirl1]

I've been very stressed out lately (and throughout my first year at university.) I'm trying to fill out my regestration for university, but my student finance application got lost (by them) so my confirmation of tuition fee's being paid only arrived last week. However, this means my university has not received confirmation that my fee's will be paid by the student finance body. I am supposed to have my regestration done by wednesday.

When I get stressed out I want to cut, I must point out here, to this point, I have not. I have although, self harmed in many other ways, just ways which do not satisfy my 'need' I realise this is psychological, but I don't seem to be able to separate the emotional need to cut from the physical 'need', that makes very little sense sorry.

I've tried cold ice (as it numbs and numbing can be a pain in the backside, as can fresh cuts be..) that hasn't helped. But I know why, I want to see the blood. I want to feel it. Has anyone over come these feelings? They do sometimes get in the way of me concentrating on my work, or other things which need to be done.

[Kitkat973]

You need to learn other methods of coping that aren't centered on self-harm. The craving will never entirely go away when you're stressed, but you can find other ways to handle your emotions.

[UniGirl1]

I write my feelings out, and do things when stressed (go for walks/cry) its just nothing is as effective as cutting. Until I get my results (although this year if I get less than 60% I'll be wanting to cut) I really need to get rid of the wanting to cut.. I hate having that pull to cutting when I'm stressed.. I used to be pushed into wanting to work harder, or do something constructive.. I guess the fact its only been 10 months since I last cut doesn't help a huge amount.?

[Kitkat973]

Ten months isn't long at all.

 

For me, cutting was/is an addiction. It's every bit as hard to stay away from as it is to avoid starting smoking again, or sleeping pills, or anything else. It's not easy to not do it, and it seems simple to just... one cut. Maybe two, to ease the stress some.

 

It's not going to stop being something that you want, but I assume that you stopped cutting for a reason.

[UniGirl1]

It feels like its been much longer, the only reasons I know I have cut is because of the scars on my wrists and the longing to cut again..

The feeling look of the blood is the addictive part for me, and I've tried to think of ways to get that, without the blood, I did have a picture of the blood on my arm at one point, but the phone broke so I no longer have it (its also very difficult to explain when someone randomly looks at my phone!)..

I stopped cutting as, in the proffesion I plan to go into, it is really not professional (not that it ever is.. but its just less accepted here..).. I sometimes resent my course for no longer being able to cut, but I made the choice. I could still cut, its likely to be 4 years before I get my career started, however the longer cutting goes on for, the harder it will be... I've already been cutting for nearly 10 years...

[Kitkat973]

You mentioned being in university. Have you looked into the counselling services there?

[thejigsup]

Why do you want to hurt yourself and cause yourself pain when others have made your life hard? Why do you feel you have to take it out on yourself? Please get help. I believe not liking yourself may have a lot to do with this.

[UniGirl1]

You mentioned being in university. Have you looked into the counselling services there?

I did look into it, but they said the issues surrounding my self harm etc, were too extreem for the university counciling service to be affective, I got referred else where, and they said, because I 'seem' to be coping, they did not think I would benefit enough from the services they offered.

Why do you want to hurt yourself and cause yourself pain when others have made your life hard? Why do you feel you have to take it out on yourself? Please get help. I believe not liking yourself may have a lot to do with this.

Because it makes me feel better, I know its odd, you spend your life cutting out people who make your life hard, or changing youself and learning more about yourself for the better, to be able to deal with such types of people. But then you cut.. It makes very little sense much of the time. I do dislike myself, but I don't think thats the main reason for me self harming, but I cannot pin point what the reason really is..

[Kitkat973]

I did look into it, but they said the issues surrounding my self harm etc, were too extreem for the university counciling service to be affective, I got referred else where, and they said, because I 'seem' to be coping, they did not think I would benefit enough from the services they offered.

 

Did you follow up on the referral? Having difficulty understanding if it was the uni or the place they referred you that said you wouldn't benefit enough.

[UniGirl1]

They said, because I 'seem' to be coping, they did not think I would benefit enough from the services they offered. This was from the team I was referred too. I no longer trust "profesionals" actually, I've not trusted them in years, but that just solidified it... Government cuts is what has left me with no support I guess..

[Kerrian]

Dependant on what country you're in, there are helplines you can call.

I know what you mean, when you say that there is nothing else that you feel works. Throughout my final exams of secondary school, and my first year of university - I was bulimic. Whenever I felt stressed, it worked for me, I felt.

It didn't, it just made me feel worse about myself in the long run - because I couldn't deal with stress without it.

 

I didn't want to talk to someone about it face to face, but when I did - it helped.

I booked myself into counselling, and although it took a friend to encourage me to go along, it helped me more than anything to be able to tell someone about everything I'd had to keep hidden for years.

When I was going through rough patches and couldn't talk to my counsellor, I came onto sites like this one - and listened to other people's advice.

 

I really recommend that you look into counselling again. It's not something you should be ashamed of doing - and although you say that you mistrust professionals, you don't lose anything by giving it a proper chance.

Self-harming is a very difficult cycle to get out of, and the way you talk - you sound as if you are already dependant on it to solve your stress for you, instead of working through the underlying problems.