Mr Man Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 OK, I’ll try and keep this as short as possible. I was with my girlfriend for exactly 7 months when she broke up with me (roughly 3 weeks ago). For the sake of your time I won’t go into too many details, but she had a boyfriend who she was forced to be with for cultural reasons. This boyfriend seriously abused her (even raped her) – I consoled her, she fell deeply in love with me which gave her the strength to leave him to we could be together. She said and still says I changed her life, which I certainly have. She’s 21. Our relationship really was amazing- completely honest, open, comfortable, reliant and fun. She counted the first time we made love as her losing her virginity because of what happened with her ex. It’s worth mentioning that she really isn’t a malicious person – she’s very caring and loving. It was a semi- long distance relationship, we are about an hour apart. About the breakup: We talked on the phone every night, without fail. A week before she breaks up with me, she’s painfully telling me how much she loves me, for me never to leave her, she misses me and she needs me. This was the longest gap we hadn’t seen each other, about 2 months because of financial reasons. The last time we were together we made love, it was excellent for us both and we were both very much in love. She is distant for 2 nights in a row, which is strange. She texts me saying she thinks we need a break – I laugh to myself, yeh right as if she can live without me!lol … Anyway, I call her and she says she can’t talk tonight (can’t as in she’s too emotionally weak). We talk the following evening and she breaks up with me. I’m in shock, she says she loves me but she’s been having thoughts about her ex and it just doesn’t feel right, we don’t finish the conversation because she’s crying and can’t handle it. The next day she texts me asking if I’m ok, I don’t respond thinking I should just give her space, the next day she calls and texts saying she’s really worried why I’m not replying. I was hurting, I text her that evening saying ‘of course im fine and that we shouldn’t talk anymore.’ (I didn’t mean it, was just upset). She followed suit even though I KNOW she does want me in her life. We talk that night again, she says she loves and misses me but she thinks splitting was the right decision. She wants us to be friends because WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN IN THE FUTURE. I was against that. Again, she’s crying, we hang up because she can’t handle it. 4 days pass, she texts saying sorry she’s been a *****. I say ‘no you haven’t, the space is good anyway’. 4 more days pass and I realise I think that I can be cool with the whole thing and be friends as she’s probably just a bit messed up in the head at the moment for different reasons and we can sort this out in the near future. She says ‘ I want to be honest with you, I’ve kissed someone else’ (via text). THE WORLD ENDS. I tell her to call me. She does. We talk for over an hour, she’s beside herself and I feel hurt and betrayed. I tell her that she’s completely screwed up our relationship (even friendship) and she’ll live and die without me in her life EVER. She panics, apologises and pleads – but doesn’t ask for me back. The guy she kissed is some shallow idiot(actually is an idiot, she even says it) from her work and it happened more than once since we split. I have helped her so much. When no one else could, I did. I offered a chance for her to redeem my trust and respect in her by saying ‘don’t call, text or contact me in any way for six months. I gave her some promises to stick to, one of which is DON’T BE WITH ANYONE ELSE. I said if and ONLY if you stick to these promises, you can contact me in six months.’ My thinking was – she knew she was going to be honest with me about kissing him, she knew it would hurt me but she did it anyway. Friends don’t do something they don’t NEED to do if it’s going to hurt someone they love (she laughed when I asked if she loves this guy from her work, she definitely doesn’t). She needs to prove I can trust her to look out for me. We say goodbye with her panicking at the prospect of losing me forever. I quickly email her summarising what we talked about and where we stand. That’s it. That was 5 days ago. Worth mentioning – I didn’t break down, cry or lose control at any point while we were talking. I haven’t harassed her with texts, phone calls or in any other way. Any solid grieving I did has been in my own privacy. I do love her. I do care for her. And, if I’m honest, I want her back. I say I want her back, but even if she called me crying and begging for me to come back and saying it was the biggest mistake of her life, I wouldn’t – although it would certainly help her chances if she did that. As I said, I do love her – I know I do. But I’m quite good at keeping things in perspective. I know I don’t need her, and I’ve actually started seeing people and doing other enjoyable things since she left. I’m not saying I haven’t been hurting like hell, but it definitely isn’t the end of the world if I never hear from her again. I think that a contributory factor to her leaving me is that I’ve been in a bit of a mess for the past few months – unemployed, not studying, pretty much doing nothing (not the most attractive way to live), but it was all temporary. I have a job now, doing lots of stuff and am feeling inspired! Still feeling rubbish about her though. I’m just going to leave it with her. I’m not going to contact her in any way. 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